Families that don't do anything with children

Living the dream…

Agree.

I spent most days at home with my DCs. They have very fond memories of couch cushion forts, giant lego buildings, art, baking, playing with the neighbours, riding their bikes or skating, or drawing on the sidewalk with chalk. They also got through mountains of books. We went to the library (10 minute walk from home), and to a few local playgrounds and to the local outdoor public pool in summer. They went on playdates with friends and we always had friends over.

You definitely don't have to be always on the go with children to expand their horizons. We had a classical music station on the radio constantly, and they did organised sports in summer. And don't shoot me, but they watched TV - the local PBS station in the US had lots of excellent programming for children, and superb documentaries on all sorts of topics.

because some just have the kids but then dont consider the academic value of days out etc and watch jemary kyle etc

Because it's a lot of bloody hard work to take children anywhere, and then you come home tired / sunburned/ children bouncing off the walls or cranky, but everyone still needs dinner and baths and bedtime.

I always loved spending time at home with DD when she was small...playing, reading, cooking together, arts and crafts, snuggly film times.

She certainly didn't go without other experiences but I've always been just as baffled by people who can't seem to cope with just being at home with their kids and have to be out all the time.

Horses for courses I guess?!

Well every kid is different and id take what kids say with a pinch of salt. If you asked my child what they did they would say "played on their tablet" because they are referring to their favorite activity they forget all the amusements, hotel stays, parks, general shopping, swimming etc but they will literally say they chilled because to them that's what they enjoy so I wouldn't trust what a child says children don't think like adults dependant on the age and break down all the little tasks they did. In defense if a child also has additional needs it can be very difficult to get them to leave the house or engage in other activities. My child has a meltdown, cries, anxiety attacks when I even bring it up and regardless of all the outdoor toys bikes swings etc their favorite "safe space" is in the house. I also would guess perhaps parents are busy working and on days off its usually trying to keep on top of housework and shopping etc and might be tired themselves also poverty as others have said could play into it.

Laziness? Selfishness? Poor motivation?! I live near the beach and it's so easy; go to Lidl or Aldi for snacks then go to the beach. But lots of people can't be bothered basically

Yes, that's a way of showing the next generation a better way.

I'd assumed that you would be able to read my quotation marks, which were to indicate that I don't mean tutting and lip pursing, I mean thinking 'this isn't good enough and it needs to change'.

That thought has ben the generative kernel of all progressive actions and thought since the 1700s.

Or simply, just that poor. Because even in the UK, cheap, self catering we’re still talking hundreds once you add up all the costs.

I also find it incredible that you work with these families and have no understanding or empathy at all about why this might happen. I’m concerned about what kind of service or help you’re offering when you’re coming from this place of righteous condemnation.

I think time at home with no planned activities is essential for developing imagination and the ability to self entertain, as well as to develop social skills with friends such as negotiation without adult interruption.

I think parents use days out and clubs to make their lives easier. Much easier to have others supervising your kids at clubs than doing it yourself, for example. Kids need to experience boredom and doing nothing. It has been suggested that the constant rushing to go to activites is one of the contributors to anxiety in children - they're always being hurried along, go faster or we'll be late etc.

https://korupsychology.ca/downsides-of-over-scheduling/

https://www.joinprisma.com/blog/overscheduled-child

https://cadenzacenter.com/stop-the-rush-how-over-scheduling-can-hurt-your-child-what-to-do-about-it/

My 12 year old told me today that someone in her class has never been on holiday, not even in the UK, That blew my mind

I can see how this would happen.

One parent. Possibly self employed.
Very little time off work. Constantly work focused.
Stressed. Money problems.
Parent from a family that didn't have holidays.
Poor health.
Doesn't want to stay in a campsite/caravan.
Doesn't drive.
Cheap hols often off beaten track and not accessible by public transport.

I have a friend who can't believe I have never taken my kids to Lapland. When they were under the age of ten, she spent all her time, telling me I was literally depriving them of a magical experience.
My kids are teens now and it blows her mind that I won't take them to Disneyland in Florida.

People whose 'minds are blown' about holidays of all things, lack empathy and I suspect quite enjoy feeling better than others.

I try to do a balance of days at home playing and baking and being in the garden, days at the park and walks out or to the beach and then days out to places.
we pay for national trust membership it’s less than £10 a month and we are lucky to have afew really nice places nearby so for us it’s really good value - just take a picnic and it’s a good day out.
I also use planet offers and look for deals on other days out - we don’t have a huge budget for days out but we try to mix things up a bit.

I think with social media people can feel pressure to do 5Star days out all the time but my kids love it in the garden or baking and just being at home some days - I also bought a cheap secondhand tent and we have that up in the garden and “camp” sometimes and then take it away with us for weekends too and that’s been my a good purchase too.

I also work with families. Very vulnerable families. I am concerned you have access to families when you're posting comments like this - You shouldn't be working with them. When you work with families the first thing you're taught is how to behave online. I wouldn't like having someone like you around my vulnerable families.

The pure arrogance in your post..honestly. Go outside and touch grass. Maybe read the news about poverty and mental health.

I get that some days out can be costly, but I brought my dd up as a single parent on tax credits and would set aside £10/month throughout the year so that for the summer holidays I had £120 to cover a couple of trips out, an ice cream at the park, a trip to the cinema etc. I'd economise each month to be able to do that, some months I skipped my own meals at the end of the month. I do think some parents just can't be bothered, sadly, and use cost as an excuse, while happily paying for Netflix, alcohol, takeaways etc, all things I could never afford.

Depression/mental health issues aside, I think there are also families who just don't realise the benefits to their children/themselves and think it is just simply down to preference.

I had a childhood that lacked in trips out and experiences with my mum due to her depression, and having an absent father. So I do understand that. My older siblings experience was different, so it was clearly the depression. But thankfully I was included regularly in trips out with friends families and I'm grateful for that. But because of my experience it's always been really important to me to take my children out and experience as much as possible. My first child has a different father to my others and he didn't share my outlook. I was so frustrated that he never took our child out. He lived on a prom for years and never once took our son to the beach! I remember once him saying 'just because you and your partner like going out a lot it doesn't mean everyone does. It's just as normal to want to stay at home' and it finally explained to me that is all he thought it was. There was no guilt or sense of duty for providing experiences as a parent. It didn't occur to him that I don't always love trudging round museums and parks in winter with kids.

My 12 year old told me today that someone in her class has never been on holiday, not even in the UK, That blew my mind.

Completely agree and I think it's quite sad. I think kids are happiest when just playing in a big group of other kids. I really hope my kids get that in their childhood but it's looking less likely as people are in their own little bubbles. So we overcompensate by throwing loads of money at the problem and overscheduling them.

I agree with this. Hashtag making memories has a lot to answer for. I do not believe that children need the constant stimulation that is provided to some of them on a daily basis. I’m not talking about holiday clubs required for parents to work but rather the constant days out whether they cost money or not. As another poster said, it’s disingenuous to shove kids in a car for a few hours on their screens to take them to some novelty location to eat the same junk food and take some pictures only to come home again and claim that it’s some enriching experience that other kids are missing out on.

I am not in this category but now my children are 10 and 7 the more things I do with them the more they expect, sometimes. What are we doing next. What are we doing when we get home. What are we doing tomorrow. When are we going home. Etc etc etc.

We are holidaying currently in the same place we have been for 3 years running and I was almost embarrassed to admit this recently because I feel like everyone else goes to a different location every holiday.

As for libraries, I’ve never taken mine to our closest library because it’s open such part time hours. I work nearly full time and the only time they are open on Saturdays clashes with my youngest’s swimming lesson, so unless I am on annual leave I cannot take the kids there at all during a normal week. They have plenty of books at home but they’d probably tell you they don’t have any 🤣

“it’s like it doesn’t occur to some people to go out”…

Yes so are people without children meant to have it occurring to them to go out ? And to do what ?

Gosh this sounds quite a judgmental thread to start.
“it’s like it doesn’t occur to some people to go out”…
Well done you in creating all these amazing memories for your children.
One thing it might be worth also teaching them is empathy and thinking outside their own range of experience. There are many reasons why people may not do as you do, it only takes a little imagination to reflect on what these might be. Not sure what the point of this thread is, but well done you, you clearly have it all sorted.

@Countryspaniel maybe they didn't really want kids but thought they did and now can't be bothered.

You could just as easily ask why some people have to be out all the time. IME it’s much easier to go out, and harder work to entertain kids at home

This is true for me. For a number of years, my kids did two activities each, six days a week. I spent my nights cooking so we could re-heat as I didn't have time to cook on the day. I spent so much time in the car and while I told them I was giving them opportunities, the truth was I absolutely hated trying to entertain them myself.
I am a better mother to older children who can chat, play computer games, read independently, practice instruments.
I was a bored mother with younger kids who had to be entertained.
So I signed them up so when they got home, they had time to eat, do homework and go to bed.
It was the only way I could get through those years.

I have two similar in age - just in case you don't already know about it, I've found "Danny Go" on YouTube to be a Godsend when they start getting twitchy for excersize and we can't get out for whatever reason. Yes it's a screen. But all the videos are action / movement games, like escaping from sharks or hunting for treasure or whatever. Mine are absolutely mad on it, to the point they'll even tidy up the livingroom without whinging, in order to have enough space to jump around in, before I put it on. Actually quite fun for an adult to do too, if you're in the right mood 😂

Indeed. My son told a tradey he was doing “not much, just staying at home” this summer. Actually he’s been on/going on two U.K. holidays and one to the US 😂

I was so sad for one yr 5 child who loved to read but had no books at home. Her parents didn’t want to take her to the library and she was really upset about it. I approached her teacher and asked her if there’s anyway the school could provide her with any books to read over the summer holiday. I hope she got some.