Families that don't do anything with children

I think this thread showed that there are two different ways that parents aren't meeting the needs of their children in terms of holiday activities. The first is doing nothing at all, and not providing them with opportunities to play and learn and stretch and grow, whether that's at home or out and about. The second is keeping them busy and active all the time and not giving them the opportunity to move through boredom to creativity and innovation, or to relax and absorb what they've learned on their busy days, or to value quiet times and build inner resources.

Both suggest an imbalance, and I think that both could be seen as "lazy" in different ways, although I think that actually, most parents aren't lazy and do the best they can with the resources they have, and that parents who have plenty of money and energy but less of the skills that can make days at home magical, are doing the best they can for their children.

It depends whether "staying at home all day" is staring at an iPad for 24 hours or playing with neighbours children, in garden, doing arts and crafts.
Back in the day we all just played outside with neighbours. It really depends what is meant by home all day

Absolutely this. Every other day means they are still getting plenty of time out of the house. Do you think people should be doing activities every single day? You’d soon run out of money and it would completely lose its novelty.

Shockingly lazy 😂 you sound like exactly the sort of mother I’d want to avoid at some of enforced fun events.

@Countryspaniel If I had to say one of myparenting regrets it’s that I over scheduled my children, particularly my first, and didn’t give them enough time to simply “be”.

@Verydemure How could I forget hide and seek?! That was a childhood classic.

I think there's magic to be found in the ordinary. I wonder whether a full-on programme of activities can stifle creativity. Also, I think I would have taken excursions for granted if they were a constant.

My family didn't have very much when I was growing up so big trips/activities were limited. This meant that there was anticipation around any activities and I really savoured them.

Only the other day, I was on the hunt for a vintage edition of 'Guess Who?' 😂

But what you have described is doing loads?

Sounds like your kids:

Did organised sports
Had playdates
Went to the library
Went to playgrounds
Went swimming

That's not just hanging out at home at all!

I find people who have to fill their entire day with activities exhausting and I’d have hated that as a child.

Agree with this, the summer holidays are a small part of the year overall and children are all different. Some really need a slower pace and to enjoy not having to do much which is fine when balanced with enrichment and experiences throughout the year.

I think this is very true. A holiday in the uk is often more expensive than abroad. I remember looking at caravan parks in Uk when DCs were young. Thinking it was a budget option and they’d be happy with kids to play with. Always cost more than a cheap holiday abroad.

but accessing cheap holidays abroad has hidden costs- passports, the cost of getting to airport ( I live in London with many options, but the travel day can really add up)

We don't go out much in the Summer. So my poor children must suffer! Or you factor in that they are out visiting places most of the year? But there is only so much you can do with a child with Severe ADHD and Autism when everywhere is rammed with people. We also live in a tourist area so everywhere truly is packed which at least half the kids struggle to process. One is also asleep until mid afternoon which limits how much we can leave the house for 10 days I can't leave him at home alone! So yes my kids don't go out much in summer, but they don't care, we have trips most weekends outside of summer and we go on holiday just after summer so they can enjoy it in a less crowded atmosphere.

If I had to say my one parenting regret it’s that I over scheduled my children, particularly my first, and didn’t give them enough time to simply “be”.

I think it's down to being able to drive and having the money.

This is the first summer holiday that we have nothing planned. Dh was made redundant a few months ago and has been desperately trying to find a job. The money that we get from UC plus my part time wages doesn't even cover the bills and mortgage so we have no money at all to do anything and I mean no money. We couldn't even afford to go camping as you'd still have to pay petrol, site fees, food etc, so even though it would be cheap, it's not free.

Kids need to relax, read books, play games, bounce on the trampoline, play in the sandpit, jump around on the swing and climbing frame, play with their toys and ours can do all these things at our house. Calling this shockingly lazy is shockingly judgemental and makes you sound like an asshole really.

I actually think that to only go out every other day with 3 young children is shockingly lazy. Why have so many kids to then keep them cooped up, unless you live on a farm sized property? Which you may do.
Kids need to run around, like dogs.

My daughter does similar but I did laugh at your comment “not even hours of a full time job”- how is that relevant to a child?

That sounds like way too many clubs and too much money for most families. Lots of things you do that don’t cost money and can do as a family. I’d hate to book my weekends out like that. Can’t go away/do other things as youre beholden to a 1 hour activity during the day.

I have to agree - clubs on Saturday AND Sunday is crazy at that age IMO. Do you not go away or have visitors on the weekend? I could understand more with older DC who have a specific dedicated hobby at a high level.

A lot of people are boring/unimaginative and lazy.

It’s also area dependent. We live in London and I find there are so many options for things to do that cost nothing. Community events, library events etc. We’re nowhere near central London and most of its walking distance.

Currently on maternity leave and I make sure I get out with my children every day even just to the park. I think it’s good to be out at least 2-3 hours. Don’t have to spend anything or be roaming the streets all day. Local social media pages are really helpful for local events. I don’t think paid activities are the be all and end all.

My kids have never been on holiday either apart from a few days in Haven some years.

Reasons

Lone parent with one income. I do work in a minimum wage job and UC tops it up but it’s not a lot. Nothing spare.

i have 4dc, 3 of which are ND. I’m ND. The logistics of trying to get them organised and on a plane, 2 of which have severe anxiety is a nightmare,

I’ve been left with two dogs (long story). Can’t afford kennels, no family members to look after them so I’m stuck with them.

im quite happy to go camping etc. one of mine is happy to do so, the youngest (15) has severe anxiety and refuses to go anywhere at the last minute, meltdowns, refuses to get in the car, hits
me etc. won’t even go on days out. I’ve wasted so much money in the past so now I just don’t bother. Obviously can’t leave her and I have no extended family (all dead) to leave her with and she won’t stay at friends.

My own health hasn’t helped. Also having vitiligo means I can’t go on holiday in the sun.

when they were all younger (3 are young adults now) it was easier to take them on days out,!dds anxiety wasn’t as bad but even Haven holidays were fraught. Dd was sick everytime we went somewhere unfamiliar and would cry and shake. So we stopped going.

her anxiety has been so much worse since dh died 4 years ago and it’s stopped us doing so much as a family. We don’t even go on days out anymore.

But at least I can now go out of the door without her having a major panic attack now so that’s something.

the youngest had the cheek to ask why we don’t go abroad or to concerts like everyone else. Err Take a look in the mirror love. No I didn’t say that to her 😂

I can’t wait till they all bugger off and leave home. The first thing I’m booking is a Nordic cruise.

My childhood was chock full of activities, learning opportunities, challenges, character development, etc, etc. My favourite bits were, like yours, hanging out at my grandparents' and listening to my gran's stories of her younger days.

Oh ... she liked taking me to feed the ducks, a 5-minute walk to the end of her lane.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the broad horizons and spirit of adventure bestowed on me by my parents. You know what I'm more grateful for? The emotional security my gran provided, and the fact that I am now a living repository of 110 years of English cultural history.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head though, it sounds like you have 1 child, a job ie income and you’ve said you live in a good area.

Add three more kids, sickness or disability, no income, shitty public transport and no car, low educational attainment, a baby who needs some home comforts or another toddler who ‘needs’ a nap and it all gets a lot harder.

Or consider that some people are content and happy just as they are and their children are doing just fine playing with mud or sticks or doodling or kicking a ball around.

My DS spent an entire summer digging little holes in the backyard looking for dinosaur bones and came up with several little plastic action figures that had sunk into the soil over the years. One in particular he spent hours cleaning with an old toothbrush, and it went to school with him in the smallest outer pocket of his backpack just to lend him some moral support.

@mathanxiety

My daughter has had several similar experiences at uni.

Personallt I think there's a lot to be said for a certain amount of what I call 'benign neglect' - letting kids have a bit of space and time to figure things out for themselves, whether that's combatting boredom or practical stuff.

And I want to add - there's little point in a childhood spent being entertained if children don't also learn to do their own laundry, help prepare dinner and wash up afterward, hoover, polish, make their own beds, and other chores. My DCs all met kids who had never learned to pick up after themselves when they went off to university.