Families that don't do anything with children

Exactly. My children (nearly 8) have school 9–5 every day so at the weekends and holidays I want them to have unscheduled time at home. I don’t think it’s healthy to need constant stimulation. Usually one of them suggests going to practice basketball or pressing flowers or whatever so we leave the house frequently, but only after they do their own thing for a while. (They don’t have screens or watch TV, before anyone jumps to conclusions.)

You mention NT, not aiming my post at you specifically but for anyone considering visiting. Membership can work out relatively cheap if you make use of it and have a few on your doorstep. I've got three within half an hour drive and another 6 within an hours drive. I think my family membership is £13 a month. I worked it out that we only had to use it approx 6 times a year to make the membership worth it. We did a full day each at two of our nearest ones at the beginning of the summer holidays so I think that would have been close to £50/60 without membership. A day out bowling or to the cinema would have been close to that for just one day. They do tons of stuff in the school holidays and most have massive grounds so you don't even need to do the indoor bits. Also works well when your kids are younger, mine are 4&6, if one is having an off day you aren't miffed so much about coming home after two hours when you can return visit as often as you like without paying anything extra.

We also use NT as our stopping point on long journeys, it's much better for the kids to run around at than a motorway service station.

@Shakeyourbaublesandsmile yep

Mine are older

Unless it involves food they are not interested, sometimes a cinema visit or movie night, which saddens me. I cheer myself up with giving lifts which is when they chat. Occasional shopping with DD but she prefers to go with her friends for the small bits n pieces.

I miss finding the craft classes/events at the library, discounted tickets etc….

I think you have cracked it on the head for ‘some’ parents - more than they would like to admit - I’m not a baking, crafts, building tents kind of mum- I admit it . However I don’t drive either, so it was a mish mash - of home, odd trips out and holidays abroad -and I think age comes into it too - beyond 13 my son wouldn’t have wanted endless days out with parents .

I think you have cracked it on the head for ‘some’ parents - more than they would like to admit - I’m not a baking, crafts, building tents kind of mum- I admit it . However I don’t drive either, so it was a mish mash - of home, odd trips out and holidays abroad -and I think age comes into it too - beyond 13 my son wouldn’t have wanted endless days out with parents .

Well if we go away we obviously miss the club, it's not court mandated. Swimming is in the morning and we have the rest of Saturday to do whatever we want though and Sundays are boring anyway.

Wait till you get to the teenage years when your kids would rather eat their arm than be seen out with mum and dad. What do you do then? They sleep til lunch and are very happy in their own company. Mine is coming up 14 and all that interests her is seeing her friends at home and yes chilling! I have offered so many things to do to get out but they aren't fussed. Does this make me a crap.lazy parent? No it doesnt. The kids work hard, are up early and are busy with school all year, mine loves downtime to relax. She adores these long holidays to simply do nothing with no pressure. No one is depressed here. Money is not an issue here. Transport is not an issue here. It is ok to just be. It is ok to be settled at home doing your own thing. I took her on holiday in July with a friend of hers they were done by day 5 and ready for home. Shes had her nails done and hair done cos she wanted something crazy for summer that was 200£ x 2 as I now need to pay to have it undone next week or so to get ready for back to school, she has been to see Tate Macrea and Lana del Ray on the other side of the country to where we live and ask her what she wants to do and you get nothing mum I am fine. I refuse to be labeled as lazy as a parent when they do not want to step foot out of the door every 10 mins. Its not a competition leave the parents alone and leave the kids alone with your judgements. Its not about money here, the hundreds I have spent this summer matter not a jot to my dd or me its about being healthy mentally , calm and relaxed with no pressure and that is worth far more than sitting somewhere with a soggy sandwhich stressed out cos theres no where to park and wishing above anything that you were at home!!

National trust and fruit picking cost money, unless it's blackberry picking, but other things don't,
A neighbour took her kids out and then complained because they asked for so much, some parents don't know how to say no
I always took my dc out. we had a zoo membership, and a dog so an excuse to go out but not everyone does
I hated staying at home though

I think if you work with families and yet don't have an answer to your own question - maybe you don't really get to know the families all that well? As surely you'd know like 'oh that family has a child with SEN and neither parent drives so its a real challenge to leave the house' or 'the mum in that family has agoraphobia'. It's not difficult to think of reasons.

And actually, based on my own academic research background into child development - as a country, we are totally shit at providing children with safe opportunities for age appropriate play with other children in their community which is not having to be (closely) supervised by their parents. Other European countries and Asian countries are better at this, and children develop more independence at a much earlier age. So I wouldn't be feeling all superior if you're constantly organising your child's timetable to be packed with adult-led activities - it's probably not all that beneficial compared to a day of unfettered play with peers their own age.

I lived literally in the middle of nowhere. The nearest geocache was almost 5 miles away 🤣🤣🤣 (there might be more now but we did have a look during lockdown)

Days out do not have to be expensive. We discovered geocaching during lockdown when everything was closed and you couldn't have days out. The basic app is free, you can upgrade to premium to get more caches at £30 for the year. Yes you might have to drive somewhere and pay for petrol but unless you live literally in the middle of nowhere there will be geocaches within walking distance of your house.

I doubt the parents OP is talking about engage in such activities at home, lazy and unbothered usually means lazy and unbothered inside.

Absolutely agree, my in laws are very lazy, incurious, can’t put up with any stress, even a baby crying or fussing a little is too much for them so they’ll cancel plans rather than problem solve. They have no hobbies and if they did, their kids would never be involved in them. Reading a book to them, never, putting tv on all day, of course! My family are similar, luckily DH and I got out of our lazy hometown.

One of my favourite things about our school is how many books the kids get given.
Every Xmas they get a book for their school present, the Halloween competition present was a book, the end of term attendance prize was books, we occasionally have events where they give away books to the kids, theres always books at the Xmas and Dinner fayre, the library can visits (school facilities membership) . But there are still parents who complain about the "useless" presents

what this doesn’t factor in is there are plenty of parents who are still working on the holidays - often full time and many these days work from home - so unless they get the kids on holiday clubs and thus can really add up with multiple kids or grandparents willing to have them stay etc - or they are old enough to be out and about unsupervised - it may well seem that they are stuck at home a lot - that’s life -

It is possible that the OP isn’t referring to families where there is an obvious reason for the lack of engagement outside of the home with children….
It would be very unkind to judge people when the difficulties are very obvious.
I would imagine she is referring to people who do not have any reasons but still choose to not expose their kids to anything outside of the home. There are a lot of people like this. People who just can’t be bothered.

I have two with autism. One in particular has very high anxiety and as a child didn’t want to go out the door. It triggered meltdowns.

I was a skint single parent who couldn’t afford petrol to get to places (lived very rurally).

I am also physically disabled and long walks in the free countryside are not possible for me.

I did make an effort to take them out but I think you underestimate the travel difficulties - our nearest swimming pool for example at the time was 22 miles away and that meant a 44 miles round trip which at today’s money is almost £6 additional cost plus the cost x3 for the kids in the pool plus me as an adult.

The local library closed so we didn’t have a library close.

I think your attitude is a bit of an issue given you work with families and seem to lack empathy to be honest.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with staying at home all day. It’s staying at home and being on screens all day that’s the problem. My children have friends who just stay in and play Roblox. Their parents just want them occupied and out the way. That’s really sad.

Depends on what age the children are but when I was primary age we spent most of our time over the summer holidays in the park, or out on our bikes, with friends or bored at home. Other than the odd day out our parents weren't responsible for entertaining us.

I think it depends on how the adults view their roles as parents… Like a previous poster said, there are just some people who can’t be arsed. Would be interesting to see how this is based on employment, poverty, benefits etc. and I’m likely to get flamed for this but for some people children are just ‘there’ and that’s where their responsibility ends.

I would also imagine that how the adults treat themselves (in terms of health, hobbies etc) would be passed on through how they treat their children. A person who is happy to park off at home in front of the tv all day is not likely to change just because they’ve had a child.

This also exists as a problem for those parents who do too much entertaining… there has to be a balance somewhere in the middle. As it should be with most things in life I suppose.

I guess it’s not all or nothing ??

a bit of life skills / a bit of taking the kids out the house ??

a bit of a balance ??

Wow -

its gonna be tricky to parent without feeling some degree of adversity !!

so break it down, problem solve, practice - surely you aren’t all housebound cos otherwise it’s hard work ??

When I was a kid my parents did nothing with me in the holidays. I entertained myself. No problem.

i do think it’s true that in the past kids went out without their parents far more. We played out from about 5 I think.