Families that don't do anything with children

Well... I didn't say that being bored means sticking the child alone in a room and let her roam around. On these days I have the chance to engage in playtime with her in any game, play role she wants. I don't think she will be a Picasso but I am pretty sure she loves the one to One time in something she decides to do. Also is a good chance to read and pick up some exercises school related to fresh up her memory.

I'm glad I was a 70's child though. No micromanaging parents and allowed to go out and play with other children. Much healthier in a lot of ways including navigating the bullies.
Helicopter parenting is detrimental and children need to learn how to deal with boredom etc without having a meltdown (not talking about ND/SEN here obvs)

@seasid that is so tough. No one in their right mind would judge you for not doing daily outings . It’s not one size fits all.

This here. My 6 year old has been waiting on the list to be diagnosed since he was 2. He has seen the doctors who have said that he does have both adhd and autism (it’s pretty obvious) it but the official waiting list in my area is YEARS. he has an ehcp, dla, only in part time school. He’s physically violent due to his very high needs yet can’t get the support or diagnosis due to the backlog

it makes me so sad how many children are suffering and waiting their entire childhoods for support due to the lack of resources and backlog on the system

I’m physically disabled and a single parent to an autistic son. Getting out the house means I’m struggling and he’s also struggling as he has high care needs and often has meltdowns after being out for a short period of time. We dont have a good support network and due to me not being able to work with my health and being a cater for him, we dont have the money to go out and about.

I hate when people judge. My mum has my younger brother who’s a teenager and she hasn’t done much with him since he was about 7 as refuses to. You do realise a lot of young kids refuse to go out, they’d rather be at home. I was one of those kids, I was happy to sit at home reading rather than go out and do activities.

Yep agree! I have a 14 nearly 15 year old with “secret” sen. ADHD was brought up by CAHMS in May 2024. Forms were sent to both myself and school to complete at that time. Just this week I’ve had a phone call from cahms and they’ve told me he’s on the waiting list for counselling then after that they will decide if they put him on the waiting list for adhd assessment!!

My other child has been on the adhd waiting list since 2021 and no sign of an appointment.

You say "secret SEN diagnosis" but do you have any idea how many SEN children are undiagnosed due to waiting lists being 5 years long or more in many areas? So OP may not necessarily know which child has SEN or not because there's no formal diagnosis. Sometimes parents don't even know what's going on with their child. Things aren't always as cut and dried as we'd like to think.

Yep. Absolutely.

Actually living it is different.

I believe this thread illustrates that you don't always need to spend a lot of money to enjoy life. Often, it's the simplest things that bring people joy, as evidenced here. For instance, one person mentioned their enjoyment of fish and chips. Many years ago, someone advised me that creating memories with your children is far more important than spending money. This resonates with me because I hardly remember most of the gifts I've received, but I do cherish the memorable events and activities I've shared with my family.

I mean.. OP also knows about poverty but doesn’t consider it a good enough reason. Knowing and understanding are completely different things. I bet the same applies to SEN.

Never said they did but the OP works with these families, I’d be surprised if she didn’it know whether they had severe limitations that prevents them from going outside, they hardly all have a secret SEN diagnosis.

Yeah my eldest did nothing at school, nothing on guide camp, nothing on the isle of Wight with grandma.

My second definitely has some SEN and he often doesn't want to go anywhere. Husband took him to the park with his siblings and he only wanted to sit in the car!

My point is that people look at things on the surface and assume none of these factors come into play. And no, SEN is not always "obvious" at first glance. Like I said to another poster, they don't wear a big flashing sign saying "Hello I'm SEN" 🙄

Oh come off it, I was replying to the PP who was using being tired and in her thirties as an excuse not to take children out if she had them. She didn’t say anything about children being SEN or having financial trouble and either did the OP, these would be obvious reasons.

My brother and SIL were like this and now my niece is in her early twenties and never goes anywhere or does anything. The thing was the adults often managed to go out places on their own but just never took their daughter anywhere. It’s sad.

We are lucky and can afford days out but they are getting more and more expensive and I can completely understand why people struggle, we have been on holiday, bowling, swimming (times a million), trampoline park, theme park as well as walks, museums etc and the holidays have still felt like they have lasted five billion years (Scotland so we are back to school this week woo hoo!) I can’t imaging how long and boring it feels for people who never go anywhere.

I don’t think you can entirely trust this. My dad has never forgiven me for writing an essay about “what you did over summer” when I was seven… in which I said I’d listened to my Walkman a lot, and my highlight had been eating fish and chips.

He and mum had gone with me on a huge camping trip. 6 weeks round Europe, going to museums, art galleries, touring local markets , sizzling local delicacies over the campfire, putting up and down the tent, even going to the open air opera in Verona in the millennia-old amphitheatre.

The Walkman listening had been on the road trip between places.

The fish and chips had been truly awesome, in my defense….. bought in a little Scottish village and eaten looking over the beach, after searching tick pools for crabs for two hours.

anyway, it’s certainly a shame if kids aren’t doing anything. At the same time, I think the opposite can also be true. We massively over schedule kids these days. If they are allowed to get bored, they use their inventiveness to entertain themselves somewhat. Young Teens also get very very tired and stressed through school term, and there is no other time in life they will really be able to ‘just chill’ without regimented activity…. I think that is important for at least some of the holiday time.

I am currently on holiday at my mums which is the house is grew up in.
I was remembering some of the toys I had one of which was a train set which I loved. It was only small so I always wanted to get extra track for it and expand my train world.
I had a fantasy of it winding around the house out the back door and all the way around the garden. If I had done this I could have built buildings out of cardboard or wood. Added roads with Matchbox/Hot Wheels cars on.
We did do family days out quite a bit but sometimes there's part of me that would have preferred more train set instead.
I was sat in the garden earlier imagining how I could have designed my train world.
Staying at home isn't always bad.
It's what you do while you are there.
🚂

Maybe take the kids saying they've done nothing with a grain of salt. My youngest once did a piece of writing after summer hols about his summer, the best thing was laying on his bed. All of the things that he did that tired him out and made him want to lay on his bed seemingly didn't register. Ah well.

Yep if both had additional needs I'd be screwed! I've often said I lucked out the way round mine came as they're both at similar play levels etc now youngest is 4. Meltdowns 😱 I also have a skewed view because boredom and lack of movement are a big trigger for my eldest so we go out to avoid meltdowns! My sister had kids the same age and she stays in to avoid meltdowns. I said earlier in the thread, we parent the kids we have and sometimes that means it feels like our experience is or should be universal. Thanks for the reminder it isnt

Or a child with a physical disability.

Parks, soft play, trampoline parks, bike rides etc all things he's unable to do.

Try a 7 year age difference and both having SEN with differing needs. Yes we do go out when we can, but often it results in one or both having a meltdown, trying run off because they have no danger awareness, and one or both begging to go home. It ends up not being a fun experience for either. Like I said, we go out when we can but we are limited. I am lucky enough to have a garden so I'd rather them play out there and know they're both safe.

I have 2, eldest has sen and a 3 yr age difference. It's definitely trickier getting out than with 1 baby in buggy or carrier but out we go. I have physical limitations too. However nothing is improved in our day by being couped up. Park, softplay, trampoline parks, bookbugs and playgroups when they were smaller. Swimming, cinema, just getting a train I to town, going to a family cinema showing which is discounted and getting a treat to eat on the train home is a big deal for them and doable. It was worse when eldest used to elope but at least youngest was in a buggy then.

Yep!

I’m sorry, I honestly wasn’t having a go or saying that you made them like this. You probably responded to a need , which in turn became habit and what they are used to, with possibly less time to explore what’s available at home. Which makes sense if you’re out a lot. As humans, we tend to go to what we know/we’re used to. Especially tiny humans. It was probably a lot easier for me with just one kid.

Just to say, being at home isn’t necessarily calm and peaceful. It could get pretty chaotic and messy too (part of the fun for DD) , I just embraced the mess and chaos(most of the times).