social media is convincing all our kids they are nd?

So I can quite well see how that type of high-achieving woman can wonder if she has ADHD (obviously doesn’t excuse the snootiness). You are bright, you are effective, and then you have kids and a family and a house and pets and older parents, and suddenly you are doing everything badly and can’t give anything proper attention.

Far easier to have somebody tell you it isn’t your fault and give you a prescription for speed (which will make everyone, NT or not, better at focusing on things and getting stuff done), than it is to make your DH pull his weight at home, take a step back at work, and make your frail demented mum accept outside carers.

And I say this as somebody whose brother also has definite ADHD which has caused issues throughout his life, and I have often wondered if I have it too - but no, the actual problems is that I take on far too much at work because I don’t like to turn down opportunities, and am also juggling a child and housework with minimal help from DH. The house/child is fine when I’m off work (maternity leave was bliss), and the work is fine when I can focus on it (working late etc). It’s the combination that trips me up. That isn’t ADHD.

It's not great for proper ND families with proper diagnoses (not sure why but these threads always make me feel like I'm exaggerating my struggles even though me and my two DS's have NHS diagnoses). It means that it's very hard to access support and PIP is almost impossible to get.

What are you talking about. I am late diagnosed( NHS before you ridicule my diagnosis) as were several women in my support group. You need evidence that it has impacted life and all had a history of self medicating, risky behaviours and a completely shit life. I have a job, a degree and a house but I am on a minimum wage and earning way less than I should be. My diagnosis came after my daughter’s late diagnosis during horrific mental health struggles. She was missed because people like you are ignorant as to how ADHD presents in women and girls and like to gate keep diagnosis for the men in their lives. Thank goodness experts are better informed.

You're so right. I met up with a friend I've not seen in a while. We were both relieved to hear that neither of us was diagnosed or believing we should be diagnosed with ND.
Conversely I spent a weekend with another friend who states she has undiagnosed ADHD...that was exhausting hearing excuses and how everything was due to that.

Many bright people with autism are profoundly disabled by it.

You clearly know absolutely nothing about ADHD.

I really hate this idea that all people with autism are exceptionally intelligent, it just ignore,s those who are profoundly disabled by their autism.

Have you got evidence for your incorrect declaration of an epidemic? Rates have remained stable since 2020.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg5vp62dnnro.amp

@1diamondearing I'm not affluent or pushy tbf. Well, maybe a bit pushy, if by that you mean "highly motivated to get the right support for my child"! But said child was very noticeably impacted by his ASD/ADHD at an early age and wasn't able to be educated in mainstream school because of it.

@soupyspoon funnily enough I'm not really like that with my DC. Meals are at mealtimes, ND or not. Snacks are for specific times/occasions. Long walk up a mountain - there's a snack at the top before we set off back down. Swimming - hot chocolate afterwards. Pick up from school - no snack needed because we're going home for tea, and if you can't wait for tea you can have an apple, oh you're not that hungry, fine I see 🤣 Fall over and bump your knee - I'm not reacting til I see how they react because half the time they get up and run off without needing intervention. Bit nervous of asking the bus driver for your ticket - tough, he isn't psychic, you'll have to ask if you want to get on. Etc etc.

You are talking complete and absolute rubbish. Teachers can not ignore diagnoses or medication and no it most certainly isn’t just affluent parents who get their children diagnosed. Often it’s those with behavioural problems( more often boys) that get it picked up first. ADHD can often present differently in girls so they are more likely to get missed for quite some time. It’s not ok as it can often lead to risky behaviours and spiralling MH struggles as they get older.

Not just the kids - a quick browsing through MN will show that here is exactly the same.

Its not just in relation to ND though is it, its almost every human experience or emotion

A small snapshot of this is on another thread, not sure if its still running and probably was a fake thread, about a child getting momentarily stuck in a water slide at a water park

The responses from posters about children 'feeling safe' and being traumatised by this, the mother being traumatised, the child being in distress, the child crying, not doing things which cause discomfort....

Show that parenting has changed over the years to ensure that a child is never hungry, never uncomfortable, never upset, never bored and this isnt normal, it doesnt give anyone a chance to learn how to navigate normal human experience. We are teaching children that they are not 'safe', that they are depressed or anxious as a disorder, not just a fleeting feeling. We feed them snacks all the live long day for fear of a rumbling tummy before dinner. We are teaching children that 'this isnt comfortable for me' = Im not going to do it for fear of experiencing that discomfort.

When everyone is ND it will no longer be special, and they will move on to something else. See also anxiety and depression, sexual orientation, anything that makes you "different".

Secondary schools are particularly bad for this group behaviour.

It's awful, because it diminishes the group who really truly struggle with these issues and then can't access the help they need.

As a teacher, we no longer use the official diagnosis in the classroom, as almost by definition, having an official diagnosis of ADHD means you are less likely to be disabled by it. These days it really most likely means affluent and pushy mother.

Whereas the children genuinely disabled by ADHD (which is partly environmental) are less likely to have a mother with the time, money and inclination to get a diagnosis

This is part of the reason schools go by need in the classroom, when allocating support and resources, rather than official diagnosis

Yes!! And all of them are pretty fucking snooty about people like DB who are messy and poorly presented and self medicate with drink/drugs and have never managed to hold down a job - but that the reality of being severely impacted by ADHD and not being able to access the right support/medication. Just the fact that these women can afford to pay for it shows that they're already doing a lot better than someone like DB...

I totally agree with you, serious disabilities are being completely trivialised by this epidemic of diagnosis.

People with these mild/unnoticeable forms of ASD and ADHD really need a different name that describes them, so it is clear what is meant when people use words that mean an actual disability

This perfectly describes all the women I know who have been diagnosed in their 40s (5 of them and I don’t know many people).

All of them have been “successful” in life. Now it’s all excuses about this and that because of their ADHD, even though they are medicated. I’m sick of hearing, “sorry I’m late, it’s my ADHD brain!”

Social media is also responsible for making so many people believe they suffer from 'anxiety' because they get a bit anxious from time to time, as most humans do.

Not just social media but the benefits system too. When you can get a mobility car when you’ve got a diagnosis and start driving at 16 there’s 2 big incentives right there. And yes I do know someone who had a brand new luxury brand car because of diagnosis. Not saying they aren’t autistic but pointing out that for some the money will be an incentive

I'd go as far as saying I think 50% of the population are ND and ND is in fact normal.

It's called being HUMAN. It always has been that way, but people just learned to get on with their lives rather than looking for excuses and today's obsession with needing a label.

I have ADHD/ASD, but I don't let that stop me. I am aware I can annoy people as I often see things differently and will question things, and although I lose everything and struggle with lots of stuff, and my brain never switches off, I am also super good at other things (learning languages, music, maths etc...) so it's all swings and roundabouts.

It either/both/neither

It one for some people, one for others, both for some, and some don't use either term.

There is no definition of either, there is no right or wrong way to use either, as neither actually has any specific meaning

Both of them are stupid social media terms and neither have any particular meaning.

Its not helpful, it has no specific meaning, and it means different things to different people. I am dyslexic, for example. Around 50% of people class that as neurodiversity, and 50% don't. I don't. I say I am not neurodiverse, then days/weeks/months later I mention struggling with something because I am dyslexic, and get all sorts of unhelpful and sceptical responses.

I'm inclined to agree tbh, despite having a child and partner who are genuinely diagnosed with ASD/ADHD.

The difference between my 45 yr old brother (whose life has been severely impacted by ADHD but was only formally diagnosed last year after waiting 4 years for an NHS assessment), and the 40 odd yr old women I know who are getting private diagnoses and ADHD meds within months because they're scatty and get bored easily in a job...well it's indescribable.

These women have married, raised children, learned to drive, had jobs, bought houses, got friends, do their taxes - basically they run their lives competently. Whereas DB's life has been completely ruined by his inability to focus and concentrate. He's been in prison because of it. He can't drive because of it. He is completely unemployable because of it. He can't maintain relationships because of it. He can't handle his own life admin, he can't keep hold of a phone, he can't maintain a tenancy, you name it he struggles with it. He is truly and genuinely impaired in pretty much every area of his life, but he is still unmedicated because the waiting list for medication titration (even post diagnosis) in his area runs to years.

It's not the same thing at all. Thank fuck times have moved on enough that my ASD/ADHD child was diagnosed as an actual child and, alongside his special school, have been able to invest a lot of time and resources into teaching him coping strategies so that the impact on his adult life will hopefully be lessened. His presentation and needs are pretty much the same as DB was as a child but the difference is I know what I'm dealing with and are putting all the support in now to give him a much better chance at a happy and successful life. So I'm not against diagnosis at all, I just get irritated by people who don't really appear to be impaired by the traits they feel they have trying to make out they're in the same boat as people like DB and DS!!

And, it's Neurodivergence, not Neurodiversity.

It's a helpful social shorthand as we all know what it means.