social media is convincing all our kids they are nd?

Masking is a lot more complex than you’re making out - most people don’t even realise they’re doing it until they go into burnout from stress and overwhelm, and everything starts to fall apart.

I was high-masking for decades until I had a breakdown and suddenly didn’t have the mental bandwidth to do it anymore. It was only with professional support that I realised that all my coping strategies were because I was autistic and completely unable to function otherwise.

At the end of the day it’s human nature to want to fit in with society - hence the whole “find your tribe” thing. Nobody likes feeling left out or as though they’re different or odd.

I’ve read some of this thread from yesterday and some from today. You are all over it. I’ve read some of your posts with interest.

But now you’ve said this arrant nonsense, which does make me wonder how much of the rest of your posts are arrant nonsense.

I commute in London and it’s now impossible to get in any public transport without hearing someone’s phone volume because they’re not using headphones. If it’s a couple of people together they’re watching videos on one of their phones with the volume on. It’s across all demographics but please don’t think for one second that young people don’t scroll through their SM without headphones in public places.

How do you know the bus was crowded? The OP posted at 2.30 yesterday afternoon, saying she’d just been on a bus. Middle of the workday in the summer holidays? Very unlikely to be a crowded bus. But even crowded buses don’t have to be noisy - unless someone’s watching TikTok videos with no headphones.

Maybe take a break from this thread? It’s clearly upsetting you a lot.

The level of ignorance is actually distressing me.

Do you have tinnitus? Are you autistic or do you have ADHD? Asking as a relative has exactly this problem, they find other very difficult to process spoken language in real time but are very intelligent and socially capable otherwise. They also do have tinnitus but it's more than noise that's the problem

They really aren’t, those with autism and adhd form a very small part of the population.

In terms of masking, I don't think you can mask ADHD. But autistic girls do mask as they copy social interaction manners and behaviours from peers to appear to blend in when these manners ns behaviours do not at all come naturally to them as they don't feel/ think in the way neuro typicals do. It's inauthentic, essentially. Autistic girls, while more likely to be part of a peer group if they mask end up alienated from their authentic selves. They get judged by other for being a bit off in social communication and for lack of resilience. It's very difficult. However, it is rare. Many children today are simply not raised well and would fare so much better with limited access to tech, lots of outdoors and creative activity, parents who are emotionally intelligent, healthy food and lots of opportunity from babyhood to manage their feelings and fit in in groups.

Yes.

The neuro diverse are the new neuro typical.

It is massively debilitating if you have 1,2 or even 3 disabilities though. Hugely so.

Which shows how little you know about it. I can't filter out noise and certain letters and words sound like other things. I really do wish it was just being distracted by background noise

All the noises can go into one loud horrible noise

I've lost count of the amount of things I misheard and it's not because I'm slightly deaf too

Well quite. So some level of masking is normal and social. We all have to live by the rules even if we don't want to.

My dc’s NHS MDT teams, psychs etc are very much on the same page. As a result the progress my daughter has been making is fantastic.

Men and boys canmask too, both my sons did. Catastrophically. If you don’t mask you will get into trouble at school and lose jobs.

also to add, apart from the fact you have totally dodged the question about "Masked ADHD" being an oxymoron, you have said I "don't believe" the "professionals".

Firstly, be careful about what you mean by "professionals" as there are a lot of charlatans out there.

And secondly , there is no consensus about what any of this ND stuff means between any "genuine" (ie medically qualified) professionals anyway.

You can't be in agreement with "the professionals" when they are not in any sort of agreement with each other

Auditory processing disorder is about far more than being distracted by background noise. To think that is all it is shows a lack of understanding.

I have 2 DSs with it (diagnosed by the NHS). It results in a wide range of difficulties. They receive support, including via a Teacher of the Deaf, for it via their EHCPs. They wouldn’t receive that if it was just the same as everyone.

How people can mask varies. It can be by forcing yourself to mimic others, by role playing situations and conversations beforehand, by suppressing urges/impulses (which is not the same thing everyone does, before you say that. It is exhausting and goes well beyond typical. For example, someone may do it by sitting rigidly still. Whereas someone typically doesn’t sit so rigidly when sitting sit. Or they may pinch themselves or bite their cheek to stop themselves moving.) which can lead to the coke bottle effect afterwards (which is not the same thing as everyone else). Or it can be by being in a state of hyper-vigilance (which can cause problems longer term). Or by disconnecting with the world. Masking is not an oxymoron. To think that shows ignorance about how ADHD can present and masking.

Autism amd adhd have been around for a very long time.

I guess I might ask why do girls feel the need to mask? What is it? Is it that they don't want to do the things society expects them to do? In which case, wouldn't it be better to change what we expect if girls. So I guess it's do we pathologise the girl and say it's something inherently 'neurodiverse' about her? Or do we change the society so that the girl doesn't have to mask. Pathologising children is something that needs careful consideration.

But girls often hide it and are not ok underneath. So will often look on the surface as not necessary when they absolutely are. Why should we suffer in silence? My dd was expected to suck up huge difficulties because she didn’t bother anybody else and could be ignored.

.

Having spent my life trying to pretend everything is fine a mnd normal when it wasn't, I guess I am a walking oxymoron.

I didn't say about girls or boys I said if absolutely necessary. It's a weigh up thing. As medication often is.

you have just dodged the question.

Masked ADHD is an oxymoron.

By absolutely necessary I guess you mean - how boys present. Girls are far more likely to mask and it’s massively damaging. They can look ok on the surface and be pedalling like a swan underneath. If my dd had been diagnosed and been given access to medication far earlier she would absolutely have avoided severe mental illness. There are many like her.