Mum is making comments about my weight every day

Not only is this a zombie thread, you need to reflect on the way you talk to people.

why do you feel that your life is a mess?

is this the major problem in your lie?

I thought my life was pretty good until li had psychosis and lost every single thign I worked for

im a bit concerned for you if you tihnk this makes your life a mess?

Are these mums in their 60s?
those of us who were teens in the 80s and 90s were seriously fucked up by the constant media noise about being thin. Every movie, ad, model, music video was either shaming anyone not bone thin or celebrating those who were skeletal. Several models even died.

i am not excusing the behaviours just giving context. I’ve worked really hard to re-establish healthy thinking around body image for my entire life

No advice only solidarity. My mum is exactly the same. The difference between our situation is that both me and my mum are overweight. She has been for as long as I can remember. I put on weight when I returned to work full time after having my child. For my mum it is about her own insecurities. I’ve called her out for it numerous times but it makes no difference. She always turns on the water works and doesn’t see how much she has affected my mental health over the years. The best things I’ve done is moved further away from her and restrict how much access she has to me and my child. I continue to call her out for her nasty comments even if it makes no difference. I do this in the hope that she will finally see how she has affected me over the last 25 years.

It's that generation in my view. My mum does it, her friends do it, my aunts do it and my parents friends do it. All my friends say this. The first thing they comment on when they see someone is their weight even on TV, I have become immune to it and always ignore. Its hard at times

I can sympathise. My mums dreadful when it comes to mentioning weight. It’s all she bangs on about. “I need to loose a stone” is said in every conversation by her. Even though she’s about 5ft 2” and a size 8.
Ive had no end of comments about my weight I’m a size big size 10/small size 12 (if only there was a size 11!) . Then there’s the comments about other people’s weight. I swear she could see a friend who’s she’s not seen since school days and the first thing she will mention is their weight. Not what they’ve done with their life, first thing is how big they are.
personally I’ve called her out on it and told her to leave me and other people alone when it comes to weight. But speaking to my friends who have mums of similar ages, they all say that there’s do the same.

My mother used to do stuff like this. She made me so incredibly insecure about myself that I began to view myself through her disordered, dysfunctional lens. The last straw was when she made shitty, personal comments to me about my weight, my finances, and a new relationships that I was, in following a bereavement I’d suffered. I stopped talking to her and haven’t spoken to her now for 2 years. My confidence has come on in leaps and bounds.

I say this gently, OP: work on moving out in the first instance, and then work on slowly extricating this toxicity from your life. She may even be trying to make you feel insecure about your relationship as she fears you leaving her.

I weighed 6 stone once during a divorce from starving myself as a way of control. Learned behaviour from my dm. She used to make me measure my thighs and mock me if I was bigger than her...
Every bad relationship she had - and there were many - saw her not eating for long periods of time.
Been nc for best part of my adult life.
Now a happy size 12
..she'd be horrified

Couldn't give a fuck.. .

My husbands side of the family are very much body shamers, especially my late FIL. my daughter got quite overweight just after he dies and I was releived he had died otherwise he would have been making nasty comments and it would have caused a huge fall out. My daughter now has lost loads of weight but its because she has an eating disorder which im getting her help for, however my stepsons and Mil all thing she has done really well losing weight, even when I tell them its because she's got an eating disorder. They seem to think being anorexic is better than a bit chubby

keep telling your mum you don’t like her hair

Your mum may think that, as she’s your mum, she has a free pass to make “honest” remarks with impunity. My mum would have done, and would have told me I was being shirty if I objected. She’d have said something like “you don’t like being told, do you?”

I think your mum has serious issues around food, her thinking is disordered. I would ignore and pity here. She may be unable to help it.

White hell has voted you are being unreasonable ffs!

Move out.

I would feel sorry for her.. you're fine OP. Anyone who comments on weight...says more about them than you. I'm 5.6 and size 12 is perfectly fine. I've been 8,10,12,14, none of these are overweight at 5.6. If I've less than 9.3 I look gaunt! What I'd do is go and kick some weights in the gym and get strong to prove her wrong - weight doesn't matter, how strong you are does.

Could your mum be fed up of you eating their food and she feels she is constantly restocking? Then she feels you could do without eating all their food, but instead of asking you to buy your own, has switched it to all about your weight? Not nice and very unkind, but your mum probably has food issues of her own and she is now putting it onto you. The sooner you are independent the better.

I have called her out many times, but I think she takes it personally.

Well, you take it personally when she makes remarks about her weight. As most people would. Why do her feelings need to be spared when yours are not?

Tell her to fuck right off!!!! I don’t care how sad, isolated or elderly someone is, they are being nasty interfering bullies when they attack personal appearances and judge someone else life. Or if that’s a step too far, put her on notice. Tell her you don’t like these comments and won’t tolerate them, and that the next time she lovs a comment like that at you, the visit will be over and you’ll get up and leave. Tell her it’s not open for discussion and if it happens again, stick to your plan and leave.

Pick on one of her insecurities and harp on about it. See how she likes it.

’Mum, you seem hyper focused on my weight. Don’t you think it’s time you joined a club and made a few friends?’ <head tilt>

What has calling her out entailed? What have you said? And how has she responded?

You must tell her it's rude and hurtful. That it's what's inside that counts and being thin doesn't equal perfection and happiness.

If she doesn't get the message, you could ask how she'd feel if you constantly commented on her (insert minor personal appearance based flaw she is self conscious about).

It's ridiculous to claim someone has diabetes because they are a healthy weight.

I hope you can move out soon, that way she can't keep going on about it.

I cross posted with this. Honestly let her take it personally. She’s a horrible person to keep doing this and doesn’t deserve compassion on it.

She sounds awful. Have you challenged her on her despicable comments? You shouldn’t have to of course, she shouldn’t open her trap in the first place.