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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow my 9 year old to go to the shop in his pyjamas?

57 replies

MyKindHiker · 09/08/2025 11:21

Question is that really.

Will give some more context though as I’m really annoyed!

Husband and I are on hols with our two boys 8 and 9 in a place we come a lot. Safe small village, house we stay at has a little village shop round the corner the kids are allowed to go to alone from time to time to buy a drink or lolly as a holiday treat.

This year we have friends with us - single dad and his 2 daughters, 5 and 9.

Last night about 8 I’d got all the kids ready for bed, bathed and in pyjamas and watching a movie. Grownups were in front of the house (garden is on the front) having a glass of wine.

I caught my eldest having pinched some money from the house, with the elder girl, trying to sneak off to go to the shop. I said absolutely not - it was too late, we don’t walk round the street in our pyjamas, they didn’t need to be getting sugar, we don’t steal money from the house! To my mind eldest son was trying it on to impress his mate, absolute no. Anyway son then threw a strop and took himself off to bed (too bad, boundaries), but then the girls cried because I was being strict and they have never seen me be firm like that before and basically BOTH DADS thought I was being unreasonable! That I should have let two 9 year olds go to a shop at 8 at night, walking through a crowd of drinkers outside the local pub, both in pyjamas, the girl in a vest and pyjama shorts.

I think the dads just wanted a quiet life and to enjoy their sundowners in peace and if they let the kids do whatever they want so be it.

They both think I was too harsh and should chill out on holiday.

Tell me I’m not going crazy mumsnet… would you all let your kids go to a shop in their pyjamas?!

OP posts:
WWomble · 09/08/2025 18:53

PJs out in public, not for my children on the grounds of decency and hygiene. Stealing money and sneaking out are far bigger issues though. The Dads are looking for an easy life on holiday. Personally I think there should be consequences for their actions, loss of freedom (such as independent visits to the shop) for example. (I’m not suggesting you can discipline the friend, but would hope the other Dad would follow your lead).

SaratogaFilly · 09/08/2025 18:23

Both of the dads sound like dickheads TBH. They need to step up & parent properly.

AppleSlag · 09/08/2025 14:22

@TicktockwatchclockI agree! I was really struck by that. The sole woman doing all the work and the parenting whilst the dads sit by and imply she’s being a fun sponge for asserting some basic rules.

Edited to add: OP is this your brother?

Ticktockwatchclock · 09/08/2025 14:19

Stealing and sneaking out aside, I’m interested in why you were dealing with all of the children, getting them all ready for bed? Did it fall to you as the lone female to be in charge and responsible for this or did you volunteer?
Why wasn’t the lone parent father dealing with his children?
I find it so strange that he copes all the other days, but as soon as there is a woman present he abdicates his responsibilities to you, and strange that you accepted that role. Why did your husband not get his children ready for bed?

Sidebeforeself · 09/08/2025 14:08

Im with you OP.

So many people are quick to complain about societal problems these days but also want a laid back approach to stuff like this, not understanding that instilling basic rules and values is an essential part of a parents job. Im not saying a trip to the shop in PJs means your son will become an axe murderer, but its the insistence on basic rules that provides people with a foundation so they will instinctively know what is the right way to behave.

AppleSlag · 09/08/2025 13:58

Also, why are you seemingly responsible for getting all the kids bathed and into PJs whilst the dads sip wine in the front garden?

DeLaRuiz · 09/08/2025 13:38

Urgh. Some people have low standards.Dont join in! It doesn’t matter that they have low standards, so long as everyone else doesn’t just throw in the towel and join in, because then everything goes to crap. It’s just about manageable for there to be a small percentage of scruffy don’t cares, but if that were the majority, mental health would absolutely plummet.

Balloonhearts · 09/08/2025 13:29

Absolutely not and they'd have faced a harsh punishment today for stealing. Nip that shit straight in the bud before you end up raising a thief.

soupyspoon · 09/08/2025 13:27

No to the whole lot of it
No to PJs
No to nicking money
No to sneaking out

No to neglectful parenting.

BlueMum16 · 09/08/2025 13:22

MyKindHiker · 09/08/2025 13:00

You are right it’s definitely not worse. But I know that stealing and sneaking are not acceptable, so I don’t need to do an AIBU poll for that. But one bone of contention with the dads was that I’d also said no to going out in pyjamas which they felt was a stupid rule.

The AIBU in this case is because even without the other naughty behaviour, for me it still would have been a no to going down the road in PJs! In the morning I’d say get dressed first. In the evening I’d say no, you’re ready for bed, you can go another time.

Interesting I’d thought this approach would be a totally standard rule in most households. But a few posts suggesting others wouldn’t be bothered.

I agree with you OP.

Mumofmarauders · 09/08/2025 13:09

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/08/2025 11:29

Can’t see an issue with the pyjamas. Most kids look like a sentient jumble sale whatever they wear, and a pyjama set isn’t manifestly different to a regular shorts and tshirt get up. Address the stealing and sneaking out issue: that’s wild behaviour for a 9-year-old.

Sentient jumble sale 😂😂😂😂 going to use this to describe my style from now on.
any kid of mine that nicked money and tried sneaking out might as well stay in their pyjamas because they would be facing some huge, huge consequences. That’s so dishonest and also so dangerous! I can’t believe the dads aren’t concerned 😬

MinnieMountain · 09/08/2025 13:05

Our 11yo DS only wears pants to bed, so that would be a definite no!

I agree with you OP.

Original poster
MyKindHiker · 09/08/2025 13:00

You are right it’s definitely not worse. But I know that stealing and sneaking are not acceptable, so I don’t need to do an AIBU poll for that. But one bone of contention with the dads was that I’d also said no to going out in pyjamas which they felt was a stupid rule.

The AIBU in this case is because even without the other naughty behaviour, for me it still would have been a no to going down the road in PJs! In the morning I’d say get dressed first. In the evening I’d say no, you’re ready for bed, you can go another time.

Interesting I’d thought this approach would be a totally standard rule in most households. But a few posts suggesting others wouldn’t be bothered.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyKindHiker · 09/08/2025 12:56

Nopenopenopeagain · 09/08/2025 12:28

YABU for using "cherry on the icing" It's either cherry ones the cake or icing on the cake. It's means something which means it's made a good situation either better.
As for the pj's not good but having said that a lot of young girls wear very short shorts nd tops during the day which are revealing anyway.
Like others have said its the stealing and in particular the sneaking off without telling you is more of a concern.

What if the cherry is rotten and the cake is made of poo. It would make a bad thing worse 🫠

Seriously though I think you get what I meant… a whole raft of outrageously terrible behaviour where in the moment one element stood out to me particularly

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 09/08/2025 12:55

MyKindHiker · 09/08/2025 12:49

THIS! And I said that to the other dad who tried saying ‘so you’re parenting based on what you think other people will say’ - hmph!

Show quote history

You’ve all missed the main point really, it’d be a no to pajamas for me, but they stole money and tried to sneak out at 9 (!!) years old! How is pajamas worse than sneaking out and stealing? Both men sound like idiots

Original poster
MyKindHiker · 09/08/2025 12:49

Smartiepants79 · 09/08/2025 12:41

If I saw 2 young kids on the streets in their pjs at that time of night I’d presume that there was something wrong. That all their adults were incapacitated or something.
Pjs are for bed or emergency’s only.

THIS! And I said that to the other dad who tried saying ‘so you’re parenting based on what you think other people will say’ - hmph!

OP posts:
DeLaRuiz · 09/08/2025 12:46

You were absolutely right. Dads want anything for a quiet life. I don’t want to see anyone in their pj’s that isn’t in my house, thanks. So I think you were absolutely right there too.

Smartiepants79 · 09/08/2025 12:41

If I saw 2 young kids on the streets in their pjs at that time of night I’d presume that there was something wrong. That all their adults were incapacitated or something.
Pjs are for bed or emergency’s only.

WaltzingWaters · 09/08/2025 12:37

I wouldn’t want them going out in pj’s, no. But that’s the really minor part of the problem here. Of course they shouldn’t have been allowed to go when they had stolen money and were sneaking out.

BusyMum47 · 09/08/2025 12:33

EchoedSilence · 09/08/2025 11:25

Kids going to the shop in pyjamas I wouldn't really care about. Stealing money and sneaking out I would care about.

This! ⬆️

Nopenopenopeagain · 09/08/2025 12:30

The mention of the quote was meant as lighthearted btw. Forgot to add a laughing emoji for effect!🤣😅

Nopenopenopeagain · 09/08/2025 12:28

YABU for using "cherry on the icing" It's either cherry ones the cake or icing on the cake. It's means something which means it's made a good situation either better.
As for the pj's not good but having said that a lot of young girls wear very short shorts nd tops during the day which are revealing anyway.
Like others have said its the stealing and in particular the sneaking off without telling you is more of a concern.

Marcipix · 09/08/2025 12:22

I would be seriously unimpressed.

As for crying because you were also unimpressed - what sheltered lives they must have.

I don’t like children out in pjs, I don’t like them sneaking out at bedtime, and I would be very cross at them taking money, even a quite small amount.
You were perfectly right to be cross; what else did they expect?

The dads unfortunately wanted to be the good cop and let you do the actual parenting.

Blackcountryexile · 09/08/2025 12:21

Agree with your handling of the whole situation OP.

Original poster
MyKindHiker · 09/08/2025 12:04

goplacidly · 09/08/2025 12:00

I wouldn’t let them. But my biggest issue would be the stealing and sneaking. Is there form for this?

God no!!! He was trying it on to impress the girl. Dealt with decisively. He won’t try it again.

OP posts: