House Valuation in Divorce

Aliceindaftwonderland · 2025-08-09T07:14:21+00:00

I am divorcing ‘D’H. He repeatedly lost his temper and engaged in verbal abuse towards me and DC. Got Social Services involved and he’s better with DC now. He knows they are old enough and will talk if it gets bad. We are living separately but staying at the family home when we are looking after DC. We need to get a valuation for the house. I want to divide up the Estate Agents and each show different ones around. I don’t want to see him in person if at all possible. I’m happy to pick which EAs we show round randomly and insist on all communication being done via email for us both to see. Im happy to have a witness there to oversee me. I’ve told him this. He is insisting we both be physically present to show the EA round. I am noticing that not seeing him is leading to me feeling much more settled. When he sends me nasty messages (blaming, critical, name calling, involving others who he says all agree with him that I’m this/that or the other) I get a physiological response. Seeing him does the same. Having had several weeks now without seeing him all of my digestive symptoms have gone. They briefly return at every nasty message but I can manage it better when it’s just written. I haven’t told him this (just said I’m prioritising my wellbeing) but in the past I have told him he scares me because of his very rapidity escalating rages over small things. He says I should just be ‘adult’ about it. He is accusing me of being up to no good and that it’s controlling and is insisting we are both there. He says the norm is to both be there. If you know people that have divorced or you have, did both of you/them show the agents around? AIBU to keep my boundary and not join him at the house?

WellIquitelikesprouts · 09/08/2025 12:57

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 08:51

Thank you. Having a friend there, sadly, won’t stop my fight or flight response. I’m so clear now that some of my health problems have been linked to the dynamics and the constant eggshells I have been walking on. I don’t want to risk a relapse.

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I get that.
Suppose you let him show all the EAs round and then contact them afterwards to hear the valuation directly from them ? If he wants to keep control of the valuations, that might satisfy him. If he wants you to force you to spend time with him, it won't help though.

CamomileCream · 09/08/2025 11:34

Another surveyor here. There's no set method in my experience. Both present/one present equally acceptable but my preferred for potentially contentious is all other parties sit in the garden while I go over the house with questions either dealt with together or by email afterwards

LegallyBlondish · 09/08/2025 11:21

Why on earth do people who have no knowledge on how legal proceedings work presume to tell OPs what they should do? It is mainstream practice for parties in financial proceedings on divorce to obtain 3 valuations from local estate agents and not from a surveyor. That is what is found in most orders for directions when valuations are required. Generally, a surveyor is required only when there is something about the property which takes it out of the ordinary.

Heaven knows that court proceedings are expensive enough without incurring unnecessary costs.

OP - you don’t have to be there when the estate agents look around the house, but you should ensure that they have been given clear instructions in an agreed joint letter of instruction. It is not uncommon for a party to try to persuade agents that a party is worth more, or alternatively less, than it is actually worth, to further their own ends.

RandomMess · 09/08/2025 11:08

Ok so he is being obstructive.

Just book them yourself get detailed valuations and how much the charge and how long the sole agency is.

He can choose who to sell with but you both agree the price to market at and the price you will agree to accept as a minimum.

If he obstructs sale you can take it to court and the judge will deal with it.

Elektra1 · 09/08/2025 10:56

It would be better to see EAs together so you both hear what they say re valuation and strategy. Otherwise you’re likely to argue over which one is better.

I had to do this with ex-W when things were still very raw between us (she had an affair). It was stressful but worth doing

Original poster

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 10:18

GreenLeaf25 · 09/08/2025 10:00

I’ve been in exactly this situation OP earlier this year. Do what you’re suggesting for now. He gets three local EAs to do a valuation and you do the same separately. Instruct via email with other on cc but only you need to be present for yours. If the valuations differ wildly you can talk then suggest a surveyor.

During the process there will be points where will be asked to provide an updated valuation by the courts. If you disagree with the valuations (which I did because my ex husband got an EA who didn’t know the area and only dealt in luxury multi million pound homes to value the property 😂) the judge will instruct that one of you provides a list of 5 EAs, the other selects 3 from that list and the original person instructs. This takes out any bias between the both of you.

Sorry to hear that. It’s rubbish. 😞

We are quite rural so very limited in how many estate agents we can instruct. I might just have to pray forward soon. I’ve been trying to agree this for months. At first he said we didn’t need a valuation. 🙄

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GreenLeaf25 · 09/08/2025 10:00

I’ve been in exactly this situation OP earlier this year. Do what you’re suggesting for now. He gets three local EAs to do a valuation and you do the same separately. Instruct via email with other on cc but only you need to be present for yours. If the valuations differ wildly you can talk then suggest a surveyor.

During the process there will be points where will be asked to provide an updated valuation by the courts. If you disagree with the valuations (which I did because my ex husband got an EA who didn’t know the area and only dealt in luxury multi million pound homes to value the property 😂) the judge will instruct that one of you provides a list of 5 EAs, the other selects 3 from that list and the original person instructs. This takes out any bias between the both of you.

Original poster

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 09:41

Ponoka7 · 09/08/2025 09:22

Not to derail, but is the restricted access to the children being dealt with separately? You are a victim of domestic abuse and as such don't have to be in his company again.

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Social services didn’t think it met threshold for child protection and he’s changed his parenting now. As it’s emotional only it’s not enough for domestic abuse measures. So it’s 50/50 and we ‘nest’ - so kids don’t see us together and we don’t see each other while we sort finances. Kids are old enough to verbalise and vote with their feet once we are living separately. Sadly I need to manage it myself.

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Ponoka7 · 09/08/2025 09:22

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 09:15

Why does my solicitor need the abusive messages? Conduct won’t impact the financial settlement I was told.

Not to derail, but is the restricted access to the children being dealt with separately? You are a victim of domestic abuse and as such don't have to be in his company again.

Original poster

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 09:16

Soonenough · 09/08/2025 09:14

You just need a rough idea of value of house . Do you actually need an estate agent ? I don't think they will be impressed that you just want a figure for divorce settlement. Give them the idea that the house needs to be sold and don't mention a buyout. You could also just maybe look at recent prices in your area . What is necessary is a value that you can agree on . I don't think you have to submit any estate agents info . Of course if you do intend to sell then get an agent to give you a valuation.

We will be putting it on the market with one of them.

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Original poster

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 09:15

Why does my solicitor need the abusive messages? Conduct won’t impact the financial settlement I was told.

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Soonenough · 09/08/2025 09:14

You just need a rough idea of value of house . Do you actually need an estate agent ? I don't think they will be impressed that you just want a figure for divorce settlement. Give them the idea that the house needs to be sold and don't mention a buyout. You could also just maybe look at recent prices in your area . What is necessary is a value that you can agree on . I don't think you have to submit any estate agents info . Of course if you do intend to sell then get an agent to give you a valuation.

Enko · 09/08/2025 09:12

RandomMess · 09/08/2025 09:05

Just tell him to get 3 EA valuations with advice of asking and actual sale price in writing to both of you.

Alternatively you could get 3 done and then forward him the message afterwards and tell him if he wants to get more valuations carried out he’s welcome.

This absolutely. Just arrange 3 in your time send them to him and state if he requires more he is welcome to do so. You will not be present with him.

Also agree with posters who says to ensure your solicitors has copies of abusive emails.

RandomMess · 09/08/2025 09:05

Just tell him to get 3 EA valuations with advice of asking and actual sale price in writing to both of you.

Alternatively you could get 3 done and then forward him the message afterwards and tell him if he wants to get more valuations carried out he’s welcome.

Bikergran · 09/08/2025 09:02

Oh, and show your solicitor his nasty emails.

Bikergran · 09/08/2025 09:01

What a load of bollocks. I have, through my lifetime, sold 8 different properties, and I have always been the one solely dealing with EAs etc, just husband around to sign forms when necessary. If this is something that's holding events up, agree, but take someone else with you (parent/sibling/friend?) with instructions to stay between you. Hopefully he won't kick off in front of EAs. Alternatively, ask your solicitor to write to him saying it is not necessary for both parties to be there for the valuation. Frankly, if I was in the house, I'd just get them done, don't tell him, and present him with a fait accompli.

GRex · 09/08/2025 08:59

You need to decide if the value matters or not. Let him organise estate agents and you just take the funds at the end if an extra £100k is not relevant because the rest of the financial split is even. If the amount really matters for balancing other finances, then get a surveyor.

Original poster

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 08:53

GRex · 09/08/2025 08:47

Given you still live there, assume you are buying him out? A surveyor is about £500, honestly can't see why you would want estate agents when their pricing will be too high, and you'll pay £'0ks more for "saving" the surveyor cost. You can also have him chat via the solicitor so you don't have to think about it all. Is your solicitor not advising you on this stuff?

We both still live there but stay elsewhere when the other is with the kids. I assume it will get sold. We just need a valuation for the form E. Obviously it might not achieve the valuation when sold but we need a ballpark figure to start discussing finances.

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Original poster

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 08:52

Backinajiffy · 09/08/2025 08:45

OP please take this advice.
Use a chartered surveyor. They are independent, they perform matrimonial valuations, provide comparable evidence, and owe you both a duty of care.

Three random unqualified estate agents, who you do not intend to remunerate, will lie through their teeth to get your business.

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The house will go on the market I think but if one of us buys the other out then we will.

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Minnie798 · 09/08/2025 08:51

Is the valuation for one of you to buy the other out? Or to sell the house. If to sell, just leave him to deal with the estate agents. If it's for a buy out, take a family member with you.

Original poster

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 08:51

WellIquitelikesprouts · 09/08/2025 08:37

This man is going to be very hard to deal with. It’s good that you are starting divorce proceedings.
if he refuses to continue without being preset for all the EAs, would it help for you to have a friend there for support?
Of course it’s not a reasonable demand of his BTW. He’s trying to intimidate you.

Thank you. Having a friend there, sadly, won’t stop my fight or flight response. I’m so clear now that some of my health problems have been linked to the dynamics and the constant eggshells I have been walking on. I don’t want to risk a relapse.

OP posts:

Original poster

Aliceindaftwonderland · 09/08/2025 08:48

NestEmptying · 09/08/2025 08:35

I'm a valuation surveyor and agree that a mean of 3 EAs is good enough. They will all be wanting to get your business so you ask them all to provide an asking price and an eventual sale price -Then you take a mean of the lower figures.

When it comes to showing them round, no one way is normal, some do it together, some leave it to one party alone and some couples split it.
So basically, he's talking nonsense about you having to be there - it doesn't matter.

Thank you.

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GRex · 09/08/2025 08:47

Given you still live there, assume you are buying him out? A surveyor is about £500, honestly can't see why you would want estate agents when their pricing will be too high, and you'll pay £'0ks more for "saving" the surveyor cost. You can also have him chat via the solicitor so you don't have to think about it all. Is your solicitor not advising you on this stuff?

Backinajiffy · 09/08/2025 08:45

HappilyUrbanTrimmer · 09/08/2025 08:20

You do not use estate agents to value the house. They are trained to lie and inflate the value as a method to get a customer contract.

Remember when you buy a house, after you have agreed a price one of the things the bank requires is a surveyor valuation? These surveyors, who get a fee to calculate a realistic value and are not going to benefit from lying, those are the people you need in order to get a valuation if one or other of you is going to keep the house for the stability of the children. It is not unusual to pay for more than one independent surveyor and take an average.

Or if the houseis going to be sold to split them money, you wait and get the actual sale price and split that rarger than an expected future theoretical amount.

Edited

OP please take this advice.
Use a chartered surveyor. They are independent, they perform matrimonial valuations, provide comparable evidence, and owe you both a duty of care.

Three random unqualified estate agents, who you do not intend to remunerate, will lie through their teeth to get your business.

WellIquitelikesprouts · 09/08/2025 08:37

This man is going to be very hard to deal with. It’s good that you are starting divorce proceedings.
if he refuses to continue without being preset for all the EAs, would it help for you to have a friend there for support?
Of course it’s not a reasonable demand of his BTW. He’s trying to intimidate you.