Hot tub

Yabu. Not everything people do has to be centred around your son

The adults and your and the older kids there will no doubt enjoy the hot tub , but they should not have this experience because your son can't? In fact your parents should not own a hot tub for the next 4 years until your son can also enjoy it?

Distract your son whilst the hot tub is on. Maybe take a little blow up paddling pool abd some toys for him?

I do like the argument though and might try with work...
Sorry can't possibly see that patient unless you let my toddler see them too!

@Chickenlicken468 You are being entirely unreasonable. My in laws have a hot tub and often they all like to use it at family get together. My children are too young to go in so either my husband or I (usually both of us) stay out to look after our children.

I don’t understand why you don’t just play with your children and distract them from the thing they are not allowed to do. Maybe even a different child friendly water-play activity or a sprinkler or something.

Its almost like your kid isn't the centre of the universe
Yabu 🙄

Why can't they just turn it down a bit for him to go in it? Warm swimmimg pool temp is fine - max 35 degrees is ok for babies and toddlers.

Yabvu to expect the world to rotate around your little one. If he can't go in because he isn't old enough thats not a reason to stop other people

So if they can't or won't lower the temperature so he can go in, you just bring alternative entertainment. You say "The hot tub is for bigger children, so we're going to do XYZ instead". No need to turn it into a big deal or a focal point.

Could you explain to your DS that the hot tub is too hot for him and take a paddling pool he could play in?

I'm with @Spies on this one. Life's not fair, deal with it. Other people shouldn't have to tiptoe around just because you can't deal with things or parent your child properly.

It's a hot tub by not going in the child has good taste and less germs

I think it's a bit of a stretch to assume that your mum would hold off from buying a hot tub because your child is too small to use it. There is a hot tub and you don't want him to use it so you have to think of how to manage that. People have given lots of suggestions. If he loves water go with the paddling pool idea and give him toys to play with in the paddling pool.

I’m sure you have other ways for entertaining your 18 months old.

But don’t let everyone else including your husband not have fun. Alternatively your husband can look after the baby or maybe when baby is sleeping whilst you try the hot tub.

Buy him a paddling pool with lots of pool toys to keep him entertained whilst you & others use the hot tub

Of course your mum can buy something your child can’t use for her house.

Do you also stop her buying knives or gym equipment etc?

I would ask that when you visit they cover it up because it’ll be hard for him to watch others using it and I don’t think it’s too much to ask that for a few hours the other kids don’t use it. But you cannot dictate your parents purchases based on your child who lives with you.

So absolutely everything your mum does from now on has to be suitable for your toddler? That is nuts and entitled.

Take a small paddling pool for him and tell him the hot tub is too hot and only for big children.

What would you do if he wanted to operate a bbq or have a sip of grandads beer etc? You'd just say no.

Just turn the temperature down. My parents have one and we set it to 37 (body temperature and perfectly warm enough). When my children were really little (under 6 months*) we’d allow only 15 minutes with bubbles off and it’s increased over time. It’s big enough for them to practice their water confidence in water that’s out of their depth. Now they’re 2 and 4, we still keep the temperature low but I don’t worry about the length of time they’re in it and they can both stand up in it (although they’re never in it unsupervised). My eldest asks to go to grandmas so he can go in it. Obviously you have to make the right decision for you, but with it set to a sensible temperature, it’s essentially a big bath something you say your son loves.

*I was as much concerned about the ambient air and them getting cold if their shoulders were out of the water than about the heat of the water in the tub.

I can see this going in classic batshit posts. 😂.

Throughout your sons life you will encounter many many things he will not be allowed to be involved in. You need to teach him, that is life ...that's your job, you also need to realise the world does evolve around your son, maybe for you but no one else.

The guidance is heat-related. The temperature could be turned down a few hours in advance and then it’s basically just a huge bath which would be ‘safe’ for your son to go in.

i do however think you are wildly unreasonable to expect family to not but y something that isn’t suitable for your child in their own home. Do you get a cob on if they drink a wine? Eat sweets? Drive a car? Stay up past 7?

YAB totally and completely U

Get one of those little children's paddling pools if it's this big a deal.

This has to be a wind up right?

You’re being ridiculous. Does the get upset when you drive your car because he can’t? Does he get upset when people drink alcohol because he can’t? Do you think it’s not fair he’s not allowed to go out to work and adults can?

This is madness, you are making a huge deal out of something that isn't an issue.

Your 18 month olds feeling aren't going to be hurt if you tell him no, or distract or do something else while they are using it. You cannot dictate to a group of adults what they can or cannot do with their own time just in case your little one gets a little upset. What happens when he's at school and some of the parents bring sweets to pick up and you don't? Are you going to tell them all they shouldn't do it? Learning to say no to him, and helping him deal with his feelings around that are part of life and parenting.

You can also absolutely choose not to go, again, you are projecting your feelings into him. He won't know that he's missed out on seeing your relatives - he won't care.

Also, the no under 5s is guidance to cover themselves, not law. There would be no issue with a sober adult taking him in for 20 minutes so he can experience it, have some fun and making sure his head is out of the water at all times and then removing him.

Well if you want to dictate what they can and can't do host them at yours for the day instead of going to theirs.

That's exactly what the OP is saying.

If you don't think you can adequately distract him then don't take him, meet them somewhere else like the park for a few hours.

You can't expect everyone else to centre their choices around your child. It's bonkers to think everyone else shouldn't do something just because your child can't.