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Original poster

My partner is obsessed with cars and it’s killing our relationship

35 replies

GuidersSmitheh · 08/08/2025 23:04

My partner is lovely and perfect in most ways. Loving, attentive, nice gestures, practical support etc. I do love him. But recently he’s had an obsession with cars and it’s driving me nuts. I’m 4 months pregnant and trying to save in preparation for maternity leave and we’re also FTB weeks away from completing on our first home, he is dyslexic and English is his second language so all of the communication with solicitors etc and paperwork has been on me whilst working full-time and being tired from pregnancy.

He’s been driving me nuts because recently he’s been absolutely fucking obsessed with cars. He passed his test in 2022 and had a modest little old Toyota until February 2024 when he treated himself to something nicer, a bit sportier and 5 doors etc. Turns out he’d been sold a dud and it blew up in November, ultimately leaving him £7000 in loss. He was depressed for a few months which I did sort of understand but it was a rough time for me dealing with the moping and he even cancelled coming to Christmas at my parents because he was upset about the car.

January this year he bought himself a modest 2010 Ford Focus, nothing fancy but it does the job. But since then all he fucking talks about is how much he wants a nicer car. When we are driving he will talk the whole time about cars on the road and how he was all these different dream cars. I used to join in and humour him but lately I’ve been snapping as I want to be talking about things that we actually should be focusing on such as the house purchase and baby.

Whenever he has some downtime he is watching car videos on YouTube, watching comparison videos etc. He’s obsessed with the idea that we need an SUV before the baby comes, despite the fact that once the house purchase goes though we’ll have literally no savings except for my maternity leave pot. He sort of gets the practical reasons why we can’t have a new fancy car but then he gets emotional about it and literally mopes around the house sulking. He has started spending £20 a week on online car competitions and is sulking tonight because he entered one and really thought he would win. He was giddy the whole day. He obviously didn’t win and now he’s sat on the sofa in silence watching videos about the car with a face like a slapped arse.

I have had to come upstairs as I just snapped at him and told him I’m sick of hearing about cars. I reached the end of my tether. What makes it worse is I work for a car insurance company, I have tried to explain to him that I talk about cars all day as it is and when I get home I want to discuss something different, but he just laughs and thinks I’m joking. I honestly can’t take it anymore. Yesterday I snapped at him because I was telling him about a difficult client I had at work, I was dealing with their car insurance claim and they weren’t happy with the outcome, and he started mansplaining to me about how that particular brand of car is known for accidents as they have some very sporty models. I cut him off and told him to bloody shut up because I WORK IN CAR INSURANCE and know a bit about bloody cars without him telling me!!!!!

I needed to rant. Am I hormonal or would anyone else be pissed off by this

OP posts:
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Smallgnomethingy · 09/08/2025 11:36

My DH is obsessed with cars. Watching videos on them is what people who like them do. It’s a lifelong interest for him. If he talks to me about them I smile and nod, just like he does when I talk about something that for him is boring. The money thing would be more of a concern for me. My DH’s interest has never affected me financially.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 09/08/2025 11:30

GuidersSmitheh · 09/08/2025 02:14

We just had a huge bust-up tbh. Went for a late night cinema viewing, movie I’ve been wanting to see for a while. Thought we were going to have a nice date night. He kept making comments during the movie about how shit it was and was on his phone looking at cars!!!!

im so glad he’s on night shift for a few nights from tomorrow. He’s giving me the fucking rage tbh

I'd leave anyone who sat on their phone in the cinema for that alone. Shows they don't give a shit about anyone else at all.

topcat2014 · 09/08/2025 11:10

I would be depressed about losing 7k..

Remember when you do get another car they need regular servicing. I'm guessing the cam belt snapped as that is the main reason cars "blow up" beyond repair.

Has the car gone now? Could you not put another engine in it?

Juststop2025 · 09/08/2025 11:07

GuidersSmitheh · 08/08/2025 23:10

Having read back my post I might sound a bit of a lunatic but I’m honestly resenting him for this.

I work from home some days and I came out from my office, where I’d been talking about cars all day long, only to go downstairs and he’s watching a video about cars

Edited

No, but he does. I mean he really does sound quite mental.

wizzywig · 09/08/2025 11:06

Please don't name your child Porsche, Mercedes, sharan.

LakieLady · 09/08/2025 11:03

LillyPJ · 09/08/2025 07:37

'A certain standard of provision' for the family? I wonder where that idea comes from... car manufacturers and advertisements perhaps?

Show quote history

I have two nieces that have had babies in the last year.

Both of them changed cars because "You need an SUV when you have a baby". I have no idea where they got this notion, and neither of their partners are especially interested in cars.

I'll have to ask them.

LillyPJ · 09/08/2025 10:51

Spending that money on competitions etc is ridiculous. Does he realise what the odds are of winning? I not get financially tied to this man.

Littleredgoat · 09/08/2025 08:02

How old is he?

It sounds to me like baby and house coming at once have made him realise he's suddenly an adult and he is retreating back into teenage boy mode. It sounds deeply unattractive.

I would write some notes out, and sit down with him and tell him how you feel. It isn't a discussion where he gets to explain or invalid what you have said:

The obsession with cars bores you. You think about cars all day for work, you don't need it in down time too.
The cars are making him check out from day to day life, leaving you carrying all of that by yourself
He is frittering money at an important time
He is sulking and taking it out on you when things don't go right

OldLondonDad · 09/08/2025 08:00

I like cars, it doesn’t sound all that different to me and a lot of other men who like cars, except I mostly keep it to myself and watch the YouTube videos late at night or when I’m on the exercise bike etc.

If English is his second language then I assume he’s from another country. Perhaps a poorer country where having a nice car means more than it does here in terms of wealth, success etc. Yes it sounds like it’s a dream- which he feels on the verge of achieving.

As for the SUV- I also went down a rabbit hole of what car do we need to get as soon as I found out my wife was pregnant the first time. It did become somewhat of an obsession, because it was all about using our money effectively to have what we needed to be practical and keep our lives easy. Nothing wrong with that.

I think you have to allow him his interest, but get him to understand you really don’t want to hear about it as much.

GabriellaMontez · 09/08/2025 07:53

You're saving for maternity leave.

He's buying cars and spending £20 a week on car lottery competitions...

Is he saving for maternity leave too?

He sounds unreliable and tedious. If you must buy a house with him I hope the legal side is sorted.

Enrichetta · 09/08/2025 07:46

You refer to him as your partner so presumably not married.

Are you sure you want to tie yourself financially to this childish man who seems in no way ready for fatherhood, nor is he mature enough for the financial commitment of home ownership.

The idea of being a single parent may seem daunting, but I suggest that you’d be better off, both emotionally and financially, if you were to do this on your own.

beAsensible1 · 09/08/2025 07:39

he sounds extremely childish. And idle. Can he find a hobby or maybe take a short car maintenance course so he can put his interest to use

otherwise I’d also be telling to talk his friends about it.

LillyPJ · 09/08/2025 07:37

ACynicalDad · 09/08/2025 07:24

I don’t get the car thing and drive something ancient which I’ll drive until it drops, but it is an SUV and did get a semi-proud feeling the first time we drove off family camping with my family in an SUV, it did sort of mean I’d reached a certain standard of provision for my small family. So I can empathise and I do realise we’re all wired differently, but cars are such a depreciating asset, I do find it strange.

'A certain standard of provision' for the family? I wonder where that idea comes from... car manufacturers and advertisements perhaps?

TwoWheelz · 09/08/2025 07:34

each time say you’re not interested in talking about cars, you can’t afford a new one . And walk off each time. Or change the subject.

OP does he usually get this obsessed about specific things?

LillyPJ · 09/08/2025 07:33

He's being unreasonable. You definitely DON'T need an SUV! He should be focused on the house purchase, moving, saving for the future. Has he had obsessions before? Does he see the car as a symbol of his manliness? Is he bored?

Holdingonfornow · 09/08/2025 07:30

Maybe he will cheer up when he’s busy with the baby and a new house to decorate, could he put his research passion into car seats or prams instead?

Panterusblackish · 09/08/2025 07:29

He sounds deeply deeply immature and in no way ready for fatherhood.

At all.

Meadowfinch · 09/08/2025 07:26

How old is he OP?

If at this stage, he is more interested in cars than the home you are buying together or the baby you will soon be parenting, he isn't mature enough for either.

One tiny baby does not need an SUV.

I'd be planning my finances very carefully for the next year or two. Hang on to that job and make sure you can buy him out of the house if necessary.

ACynicalDad · 09/08/2025 07:24

I don’t get the car thing and drive something ancient which I’ll drive until it drops, but it is an SUV and did get a semi-proud feeling the first time we drove off family camping with my family in an SUV, it did sort of mean I’d reached a certain standard of provision for my small family. So I can empathise and I do realise we’re all wired differently, but cars are such a depreciating asset, I do find it strange.

crankycurmudgeon · 09/08/2025 07:19

TheSandgroper · 09/08/2025 07:03

Are you really sure tying yourself financially to him and leaving yourself with no buffer is the best decision you have made? Because it seems to me any buffer you do cobble together may go without a discussion. You will come home one day to be greeted by “ta daahh” whether you can afford it or have other needs or not.

This 💯

SparklyGlitterballs · 09/08/2025 07:19

The obsessive watching of videos would drive me nuts, but him spending so much money each week on competitions would have me reconsidering whether this relationship was going to work.

TheSandgroper · 09/08/2025 07:03

Are you really sure tying yourself financially to him and leaving yourself with no buffer is the best decision you have made? Because it seems to me any buffer you do cobble together may go without a discussion. You will come home one day to be greeted by “ta daahh” whether you can afford it or have other needs or not.

Original poster
GuidersSmitheh · 09/08/2025 02:14

We just had a huge bust-up tbh. Went for a late night cinema viewing, movie I’ve been wanting to see for a while. Thought we were going to have a nice date night. He kept making comments during the movie about how shit it was and was on his phone looking at cars!!!!

im so glad he’s on night shift for a few nights from tomorrow. He’s giving me the fucking rage tbh

OP posts:
reversegear · 08/08/2025 23:59

As a women that loves cars, drives sports cars and saves and researches and buys and swoops and restores cars I’m very very aware it’s a bloody boring subject for others, I happily have a group of friends we meet up, I take myself off to shows I do track days.. but I do not talk about it to anyone who’s not remotely interested.

So I fully understand his driving force, interestingly I have periods where there is something missing in my life and it starts up.. the autotrader, the research the talking, I get a bit obsessed and then my life changes and I’m back to normal. So I think from my own lived experiences this is due to you being pregnant and him being in a panic.

He needs to respect your wishes and shut up about them, you need to 109% put your foot down on budgets and what he’s buying if it’s family money, and he needs to get checks done on 7k cars so they don’t blow up!! Very very unusual for a 7k car to not be repaired? Even an engine swop would have made sense.

Anyway I get him and I can almost feel his panic and distracting technique, but you are way more important and need to be respected and looked after right now.

whynotwhatknot · 08/08/2025 23:48

hes depressed over not having a fancy car? he needs to grow up

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