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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would this bother you? Not sure how I’m feeling.

59 replies

memyself111 · 08/08/2025 21:57

I’ve been with my partner for one year.

I have been under a neurologist for 3 1/2 years. I had an appointment a few weeks ago for some tests and I need to go back for an MRI to have another check of my brain.

My partner lives 90 minutes away and didn’t come with me, which was fine. I didn’t ask.

When I had the appointment the other week my partner said she’d really like to come next time because she felt so odd not being at that appointment because she wanted to support me.

I received a letter to say I had an appointment booked, which was meant to be two weeks ago. But we had plans to spend the weekend with her family who live three hours away from me.

I told her I would rearrange the appointment and she said that was fine. I told the hospital I needed to rearrange and they sent me a new appointment out which is tomorrow. I received the letter just under two weeks ago to say that the appointment is tomorrow.

My partner has gone to see her family for an important birthday this weekend which has been planned for a while so has said she can’t come. I told her I can’t rearrange it again because I’ve been waiting for this appointment for a really really long time so she says she understands I will go without her and she is with her family

I’ve had messages from people tonight saying they hope it goes well tomorrow and asking if my partner is going with me. This feels a little strange now. I will go on my own because I’m not used to relying on anybody at all. I don’t want to sound like a victim saying that, but I very much depend on myself. It does however feel a little strange that she isn’t coming. I know that she has to go to the birthday event so I’m not angry about that. The birthday is on Sunday and my appointment is first thing in the morning so I did think she might come with me to the appointment and then go straight to her family‘s house, but That wasn’t in her plan as she wanted to go there today.

I don’t really know what I want from messaging this on here to be honest

OP posts:
RoseAlone · 08/08/2025 22:49

It wouldn't bother me at all. Circumstances are circumstances. I hope it goes well

Original poster
memyself111 · 08/08/2025 22:45

@Pippa12
I won’t be having a sedative. I had a consultation a few weeks ago. It’s the scan tomorrow but last time they gave me the results on the day and referred me to a specialist neurologist because they were unsure what it was.
The appointment tomorrow is to see if there is a change in size, but they might not give me the results tomorrow. It might just be the scan.

OP posts:
Original poster
memyself111 · 08/08/2025 22:44

@PamIsAVolleyballChamp
I understand what you are saying. But there is a part of me that feels a little frustrated because recently I travelled four hours to her family’s house and then four hours back and then travelled a further two hours to her house in order to attend an event that she wanted me to go to That was important for her.

It’s not that I’m playing tit for tat but it only dawned on me tonight that it does bother me a little.

OP posts:
PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 08/08/2025 22:37

How far from you is the hospital? It sounds like a lot of driving and subsequent expense for partner?
1 1/2 hours from theirs to you, then journey to and from the hospital then 3 hours to family?

Givenupshopping · 08/08/2025 22:35

Personally, I can't see how you can be real 'partners' if she lives 90 minutes away. Surely someone only becomes your 'partner' when they move in with you, and before that, they are just a girlfriend or boyfriend. Had she been living with you, and chosen to go to this family event, I would have thought badly of her, but as you don't live together, to me it seems like it's not yet a 'committed relationship', so I wouldn't really have expected her to put you before her family.

That being said, I really hope that all goes well for you.

Pippa12 · 08/08/2025 22:34

Is it just for the scan? I assume you’re not getting results or having a consultation the same day? Are you having a sedative?

Id be disappointed if my partner didn’t accompany me to an appointment/consultation that I’d likely receive results/information at, therefore might need an extra pair of ears, but solely for a scan I wouldn’t be bothered, especially if it meant them missing an important family birthday.

iamnotalemon · 08/08/2025 22:27

I’d feel the same as you! I hope it goes well.

Original poster
memyself111 · 08/08/2025 22:06

Thank you @Valeriekat

OP posts:
Valeriekat · 08/08/2025 21:59

Well actions speak louder than words don't they? Hope your appointment goes well.