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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asked at hobby if here with my husband

37 replies

Xmasweappee · 08/08/2025 18:36

Went to an archery club today there were 5 men there and two women there . One of the woman who I would say was in her early sixties asked me if I was here with my husband .Aibu unreasonably to think that is a ridiculous question to ask nowadays ? I am not even wearing a wedding ring .

OP posts:
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Petitchat · 08/08/2025 20:49

Mrsttcno1 · 08/08/2025 20:16

Good grief what a fuss over nothing

It seems the fuss is made from all the dramatic and sarcastic posters, not the OP who just asked a simple question.

People find it difficult to just give straightforward advice or replies nowadays.
It always has to be sarcastic, dramatic.or shit stirring.

As @Notmyreality said
That's why she asked the question.
You know, it's generally the accepted method of finding out things.
Well it used to be before people went silly.

NotEntirelySerious · 08/08/2025 20:48

KilkennyCats · 08/08/2025 19:00

Just say yes or no. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that question.
Did it hit a nerve, or something?

You definitely don't want to hit a nerve at archery club. 😉

itsgettingweird · 08/08/2025 20:31

Xmasweappee · 08/08/2025 19:20

I was just surprised that I turn up to something obviously by myself and someone asked if I was with my husband like I couldn’t do it without a man , but seems I am being too sensitive reading everyone’s replies .

But she didn’t say you couldn’t do it without a man.

She asked if you were there with your husband.

Maybe she was wondering if you are married to any of the men there? Maybe they are regulars? Maybe she fancies one of them and was testing the waters?

Maybe you need more hobbies if you have time in your life to nit pick over such a benign question.

Cosyblankets · 08/08/2025 20:19

If she'd have said have you come with a friend would that have been OK?
Or is that offensive too in case you don't have any friends.

WellIquitelikesprouts · 08/08/2025 20:18

Maybe there was another new person there and she assumed you were together?

Mrsttcno1 · 08/08/2025 20:16

Good grief what a fuss over nothing

Sunshineismyfavourite · 08/08/2025 20:15

A little crass perhaps but you only had to say no I came alone. She assumed the women there were with one of the 5 men? Bit silly to get het up about it.

Notmyreality · 08/08/2025 20:13

Cynic17 · 08/08/2025 19:40

It's possible to start a conversation without asking personal questions.
Something about archery would be the obvious start..... most of us wouldn't dream of making assumptions about a person's private life.

Show quote history

She isn’t making an assumption. That why she asked the question. You know, it’s generally the accepted method of finding out things. Well it used to be before people went silly.

RH1234 · 08/08/2025 20:13

I’d have assumed it was a conversation starter; maybe different wording would have helped I.e. Did you come with anyone? Are you here on your own?

The lady in question likely meant the above.

KilkennyCats · 08/08/2025 20:10

Cynic17 · 08/08/2025 19:40

It's possible to start a conversation without asking personal questions.
Something about archery would be the obvious start..... most of us wouldn't dream of making assumptions about a person's private life.

Show quote history

Nobody made any assumptions.
You must be hard work socially.

UsingAMansNameInAWomensWorld · 08/08/2025 20:08

Maybe you didn't so "obviously" turn up alone

And one of the men was new too so she thought you'd come together

Unclench

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 08/08/2025 19:54

She was just starting a conversation. I’m all for strong, independent women, but I really wouldn’t get riled by that. It’s not an unreasonable opener. I do some things with my husband because we both enjoy them. I do some things without him (including archery!) because he’s not interested.

Hankunamatata · 08/08/2025 19:50

Obviously they didn't notice you arrive. Literally just a conversation starter

NuffSaidSam · 08/08/2025 19:43

I know what you mean, but she's an older lady attempting to make chit chat.

If you let something this minor irk you, life is going to be much less pleasant than it could be if you were a tad more robust.

Cynic17 · 08/08/2025 19:40

kendal77 · 08/08/2025 19:01

God forbid she was just trying to make conversation with you. Ffs

It's possible to start a conversation without asking personal questions.
Something about archery would be the obvious start..... most of us wouldn't dream of making assumptions about a person's private life.

Cynic17 · 08/08/2025 19:38

I think it's an awful, thoughtless question - not just the ridiculous assumption, but also that she asked it of a complete stranger.
If you really want to continue with the hobby, then you'll just have to put it to one side. But I'd be very wary if they're expecting you to socialise and be part of a little clique. Be polite, but cautious!

Butteredtoast55 · 08/08/2025 19:32

Maybe one of the men there was new to the group and she assumed you were together? It's a perfectly reasonable question!

TroysMammy · 08/08/2025 19:24

Nothing wrong with that question. However if she was flogging you double glazing and asked "is your husband in?" then she would how a mouthful.

Avoidhumans · 08/08/2025 19:23

Christ is this what the world has come to.

Original poster
Xmasweappee · 08/08/2025 19:20

I was just surprised that I turn up to something obviously by myself and someone asked if I was with my husband like I couldn’t do it without a man , but seems I am being too sensitive reading everyone’s replies .

OP posts:
itsmeits · 08/08/2025 19:18

I was once told by an older woman (70s) that my wedding ring was on the wrong hand. It's not my wedding ring as I'm not married. It's a family heirloom.
Had a lovely chat on the train home with her.
She want a conversation and had found an opening with the ring.
Calm down she didn't mean to insult you!

KilkennyCats · 08/08/2025 19:09

IMissSparkling · 08/08/2025 19:04

Because it's such a silly question in my case.

Show quote history

But nobody knows your “case” until they ask! Bloody hell 😵‍💫
Do you get out much?

youalright · 08/08/2025 19:08

Omg why don't you make a list of appropriate conversation starters and hand it out to every new person you meet 🙄

PInkyStarfish · 08/08/2025 19:06

It’s called having a conversation and being interested in other people.

PersephoneSmith · 08/08/2025 19:04

SpeculatingRooks · 08/08/2025 18:45

Maybe she fancied you

This. I sometimes ask new men at my club if they have come with their wives. I have been so disappointed a couple of times where I thought I was getting on really well with someone (😉) only to see him leaving with his wife at the end 😀

Still single though so I’m clearly doing it wrong.