to feel hurt that some women who cannot conceive seem to take it out on other women who get pregnant but never the men?

You're nuts. Leave these women alone.

You're very unreasonable wondering why they stopped contact with you.

Looking at you pregnant was bad for their mental health, a reminder of what they don't have and are not sure if they will ever have.

Give them space for now, let go off the friendships at least temporary. If you were a real friend you should have more empathy towards them knowing that seeing you is a painful reminder of their situation.

When I was going through infertility, I cut off completely my best friend who had a baby naturally conceived on the second try at over 40 years old when I started trying much younger. She was very gracious and didn't push or force the friendship. A couple of years later, I finally had my miracle baby and she actually reached out to me and have slowly recovered our friendship. We were friends for over 12 years but I had to chose my mental health over the friendship and she was mature enough to understand and even take me back as a friend despite what I did. I did apologise after we met again with both our babies.

However, I never felt jealous of a pregnant woman who struggled with losses or infertility to get there as you did. In those cases I was ok because I knew of the struggles they went through, buy everyone is different and cope differently.

I'd reach out once they have babies, you don't have to be best friends right away, but slowly recover the friendship. It was never personal, it's more situational because you are the actual person growing a bump, not your husband.

Move on, count your blessings and hopefully you can recover the friendship later on.

Why do you you keep talking in universal terms if you aren't claiming it's the same everywhere. This -below- is what you wrote in your very next post - did you mean to write- 'in our case the survival mode only extended to women'.? Because by your phrasing you are claiming it only ever extends to women.

Survival is fine and I don't have an issue with it. But cutting someone off out of the blue is rather unpleasant. The survival mode only extends to women not men even when the baby is with a man.

I meant- you kept saying you wanted a message from them being honest and saying they were finding things hard-

so what I asked was-

did you send them an honest message acknowledging that they might be finding things hard?

When you were going through that, and bonding with them, and making that journey together, were the husbands as close, as involved, as invited in and supported and trusted?

If they were - if the husband was as close to those women as you were - then you have a point.

If they weren't - then those women who haven't concieved are reacting to and having a problem with the person that they've been connected to throughout. You.

It may not be fair that they react like that. But however they react, it can only be to you - because you're the person they're involved with.

But that’s the attitude you are demonstrating by your posts on this thread.

Of course it’s understandable to be hurt that you lost friends- to feel that it’s unfair. It is totally unfair. None of it is fair. Infertility isn’t fair. It’s not fair that you ended up with a baby and they didn’t. The different roles of men and women in relation to reproduction aren’t fair. Losing friends isn’t fair. It’s not fair that you lost them and your DH didn’t. Of course your feelings of hurt and sadness are valid.

But at the same time you have demonstrated no empathy or understanding for what your friends are going through. You seem to think they are simply “unkind”, have behaved badly, have sought to punish you? You seem to think that they owed you something, when the reality is that they were in so much pain they had nothing to give. You also can’t understand why they might feel differently towards you than your DH- you keep calling it a “double standard” , with no meaningful rationalisation, again inflicted as a punishment on you. But it is completely obvious to almost everyone else why it’s not the same. .

your perspectives / rationalisations demonstrates total self absorption and very little insight/ understanding/ empathy,

You’re being really controlling pushing him in to doing this from what you’ve described. You have real issues.

what do you mean?

Yeah, it was originally framed as they were all hanging out together and excluding her, but now it sounds more like her husband was going to watch the game with his friend and the wife just happened to be there because it was her house.

Sounds more like he is spending time with the husbands.

Okay so at least it is not like he was invited to the wife's birthday party. That's slightly better. I think him having a separate friendship with husband is totally fine, like you could still be friends with the husbands cause they didn't cut you out. But the wives are being total AH for happily having dinner with your husband. I understand that men dont necessarily give the same feeling as a pregnant woman but after the initial shock and processing, they should be able to have some critical thinking skills and understand that they can't be hanging out with your husband if they've cut you out.

How old are you op? How long were you trc for?

That is ridiculous behavior

So these friends still having your husband over like before, they're just now only inviting him and not you? That's kinda messed up. Also, that your husband just goes alone to dinner parties with the other couples without you being invited.

What I hoped for was basic honesty and decency. A simple message saying this is hard for me right now would have been enough.

did you write a message acknowledging that your news might be hard for them?

But it does not mean I suddenly stopped being able to empathise

But your posts are not reflecting any empathy or understanding? You seem to be seeing this through an entirely self absorbed perspective - as if you are being punished , or your friends are being “unkind”. But it’s not that at all- it’s actually not about you.,