to feel hurt that some women who cannot conceive seem to take it out on other women who get pregnant but never the men?

Accusing women struggling with infertility of being bitter is really quite cruel. Your empathy button obviously switched off the moment you got your bfp.

I have experienced infertility, permanent in my case. Had I been a member of a group of people with fertility issues and become pregnant, I would tactfully withdraw from that group. I would not expect them to react in the same way as friends with children or not trying to have them.

I have come to that conclusion too.

I think - if this is real - that it’s increasingly clear why these friends have made themselves scarce.

OP. You need a harsh wake-up call I’m afraid. Posters have responded very tactfully in the main to this screed of self-pity (this is what it is; no sugar-coating) and you have doubled down, responding with more self-pity and insistent justification of your feelings of injured resentment.

As others have gently tried to tell you, what you are experiencing is not misogyny. It’s not a sexual double-standard, and I am the first poster to jump on a sexist injustice when I see one. It’s an immutable, biological reality. Irrespective of men’s part in the process, only women get pregnant. Only women gestate. Only women give birth. This has been pointed out to you numerous times but you were rigidly disinclined to listen or see it from the other perspective, and are likely to continue in this vein now.

You are resolute that those undergoing the pain of infertility are maintaining sexist double standards, are oblivious to the pain they face, are determined to project misogynistic double standards onto their natural feelings of hurt over a tangible reminder of what they can’t have, and are insistent that they should ‘be kind’. It’s striking that those who trot out that phrase are nearly always the ones demanding kindness but least willing to extend that desired commodity onto other people. Interestingly enough it’s usually women from whom the kindness is demanded.

You’re being wholly unreasonable, which is even more unfathomable given you’ve so recently been in the same situation. You are asking too much. And I don’t know you, but your stubborn determination to be the injured party here, with no understanding of anyone’s feelings but your own, give some insight into why you are now experiencing the problems you are. You show a staggering lack of empathy, which does beg the question of whether your pregnancy is the only reason your friends have distanced themselves.

You now have a choice: to spend what should be the happiest time of your life wallowing in negativity and resentment. Or you can cherish your happiness at finally achieving what you so desperately wanted, and look forward to future female friendships made at baby groups or breastfeeding support groups. In your shoes I’d be extremely grateful that I had these options.

It’s up to you.

Did you not read it? I am one of them…..all the pain.

But people are always going to have children……to be bitter and twisted is a terrible way to live a life.

Can you please stop using Chat GPT to write your responses. It’s obvious from a mile away.

But any jealousy or resentment is a result of the pain. They would not be feeling these things if they werent feeling the pain of infertility.

Why did you ask AIBU when you’re not prepared to hear you might be?

I think I’ve rarely seen an OP so unreasonable! Actually more than unreasonable - straight down the line unkind.

It’s utterly self-centred and boorish not to appreciate others’ (very painful) feelings about infertility if you have been there yourself.

I actually understood your point until you posted this

I can’t believe you actually typed that. Wow.

No it doesn’t get wiped away. Does it not make it easier though?

You've known the pain of infertility. I can't believe you could say something like this.

I totally agree with this comment. You really are very persistent in being completely unreasonable.

be grateful they have shown you who they are.

who they are???
Who they are is people in a lot of pain.

Hanging out with the husband is fair enough. But I still think it is kinda unfair that wife is totally fine with op's husband coming over to their house and her being all.ncie and friendly, when she has just cut out op. Or that husbands have organised a day out together for a sports thing and she just comes along as if nothing has happened.

As mentioned, I do understand that pregnant woman is triggering in a different way than a man. Husbands (with each other and with op) can have their individual friendship. But i do think it is understandable that op is hurt that these people have cut op out but still happily and voluntarily spends time with her husband. It would be totally different if husbands just went together. Politely saying hello is one thing, but sitting down and having a chat or even spending an event together (that was initially agreed by just the husbands) when you've cut of their wife is another. These women could do some self reflection now that the dust has settled from the pregnancy news.

But op, these were not true friends. Your husband is doing the right thing for leaving the group. Would have been nice if he (and you) could have still spend time together with those who didnt cut you off, but if their partners are being like this, can't blame you for needing to cut them out in return.

OP - I am on the other side of this, as in I never had the baby. Some friends that knew about the issues have been positively bizarre with me such as not including me in BBQ invites/ first birthday events. I have reached out and offer to do things with them and their kids, response: I will get back to you on that.

Had I been friends with you, it wouldn’t have bothered me that you were now a mum and I am not, but I think that is because I can rationalise that what happens in your life doesn’t affect the outcome of mine and it’s a long life of being bitter and twisted.

its just women: are on the whole grudge bearing; jealous; frenemies; fake friends….its actually one of the things that if I think about makes me pretty sad.

I agree - a quick text ‘this is hard for me right now’, albeit I did that and got accused of being unhinged (I had lost a baby the same day another person had one and couldn’t at that particular point in time cope with the pics of baby pics - think I am in the hospital just having a D&E and the pics come in kind of thing).

Thankfully that phase of my life is over, I say chose your friends wisely and be grateful they have shown you who they are.

Me - while I have moved on, I am very conscious that people have shown me who they are, it’s noted, while I am not going to hold a grudge I chose my inner circle more carefully now.