to feel hurt that some women who cannot conceive seem to take it out on other women who get pregnant but never the men?

How long has it been since you announced your pregnancy OP? And how many friends are behaving like this?

I didn’t want to see or talk to my SIL for a few months when I found out she was pregnant. I’d recently had a miscarriage, DH had just been diagnosed with cancer and SIL announced it in a very tactless way given the circumstances. Eventually my annoyance faded and I missed her so I got back in touch. Maybe your friends will too in future.

Yabvu.
i never experienced infertility personally, but I can still see that it will be different between how they feel about you and your husband. They self-identified with you (before), not now. Now you are ‘other’. That was part of your relationship. They never had much in common with your husband (he was always ‘other’ in most aspects) so that relationship has changed less.
maybe your friendship hung on the fertility self-identification and there wasn’t a deeper bond there outside of it. Could that be it? Did you connect with people over other things? Hobbies, personal history, places?

Yes, but how many of those things are comparable to not being able to have the children you wanted? That cause genuine grief and heartbreak as opposed to disappointment?

Further to that - I’m not saying egg their house or verbally abuse the pregnant lady - i’m saying it’s understandable if you’d want to distance yourself to protect your own feelings? Not sure what that has to do with me being a mother 🤣

but that seems its more because the other women do it to support their husbands rather than your dh directly

But they aren’t parents, are they? That’s the whole point or are you reading the same thread?

People are being contrary here for the sake of it. Yes it's unreasonable and not very nice to cut a friend off entirely for getting pregnant. They need therapy to sort it out or they will end up with no friends.

Nothing has been erased, but your paths diverged very widely.

Grieve it, but also understand why they did it.

You don't sound like you care for them really, just angry.

I can’t follow your indignation at all. Did your husband make friends with these women as well and they continued to stay his friend and not yours? It doesn’t seem that that’s what you’re saying. You also don’t seem to be saying that your husband also made friends based on your shared infertility troubles and then those friends stuck around after you fell pregnant / had your child whereas the ones you made didn’t. When you say men don’t get punished in the way you have, you don’t seem to be applying the same set of circumstances, even ignoring the fact that you are the one that gets pregnant.

It’s not surprising that seeing another woman get pregnant and grow her baby is far more painful than knowing a man will soon be a dad.

You do understand that as a parent you constantly have to think of other people and not just your own family. Honestly if you think like that maybe being a parent isn't the right thing for you.

You are not being unreasonable OP and I can see why you're hurt by your friends' treatment of you. And don't think you're completely devoid of compassion like others make out.

I am in a similar position at the moment, having just had a baby and being on the receiving end of some unkind and wilfully spiteful (by their own admission - they have acknowledged that they literally knew they were doing it) behaviour from relatives who are undergoing IVF for their second child. If I treated them the way they treated me a few days after the birth of their first child (their first successful IVF transfer) they would be both heartbroken and livid, yet I'm not allowed to feel hurt by it because my baby had the gall to come first.

Infertility is absolutely heartbreaking and painful beyond belief but I don't think that should give people a free pass to not treat other people with the same kindness, respect and empathy they would hope to receive themselves should the shoe be on the other foot.

Infertility can trigger some overwhelming feelings of jealousy, I know from experience. We aren't jealous of a bloke who can't be a dad we are jealous of the woman who got the positive test. It isn't pretty but infertility isn't either. You have to let those people have their space.

I get what you’re saying OP.

It is cruel for them to talk to your DH and not you, be around your DH and baby, but not you.

I think you have a DH problem.

How can he remain friends with people who have chosen to distance themselves from his wife after she had a baby, especially the ones who were friends with you before the infertility struggles?

Disagree - people shouldn’t have to torture themselves and they have every right to disengage if that in turn, safeguards their mental health.

Because they're friends and you should be happy for people, even if they have things you haven't, especially when you can appreciate their difficulties they've had getting to that place.

Most people in their lives have something that they've been unable to achieve.

Presumably these women wanted to be pregnant and a mum? Your DH is neither of these things, and so doesn’t symbolise the thing they want and can’t have.

If they desperately wanted to be a Dad then they might have cut off your DH instead.

I don't think it is intentional. I think the reaction comes from a place of deep pain.

I think it’s quite a stretch trying to blame a man here. He didn’t carry the baby, and not a visual reminder. A woman is.

I agree with this, to be honest.

I’m sort of with you, OP. Except in my case, I fell pregnant very quickly. My sister had been through 3 rounds of IVF and it was a really difficult time. My BIL cut me off completely, stopped speaking to me, blocked me on social media but kept talking to DH.

They too got their baby, but our relationship never recovered. Now we’re practically two strangers, when we had a closer sibling relationship than my actual brother before hand.

I just accept that people deal with grief differently, but it’s pretty heartbreaking sometimes.

This

The OP is either unable/unwilling to see things from other people’s points of view, or is an AI bot. Every post is just going round and round in circles.