Breaking it to your family they aren’t invited to your wedding

We got married on a beach at sunset abroad with five of us in the wedding party. We didn’t want the big wedding, what we planned was what we wanted, and the majority of people fully accepted that. In fact, if they knew me well, they fully understood! When we returned, we had a big informal party with our friends and family, which was lovely. No speeches, no formal cake cutting, just a great night!

Do what makes you happy - it’s your day!

Personally I would be up front. It might well upset them but so will finding out after it happened. If you tell them like it is they'll be upset because they're not invited but if you don't say anything at all I think they'll be upset because they weren't invited and because they'll feel deceived.
We had a slightly similar issue in our family when my DD and her husband chose not to invite aunts/uncles/cousins to their wedding. There's no family rifts or anything, it's just that there are lots of them. Inviting them all would have meant hiring a much bigger venue or excluding all their friends and they decided it was best not to invite any of them than to only pick some. It was a bit awkward I can't deny, and some people were more understanding than others! Given where we all live it would actually have been quite easy not to inform quite a lot of the extended family but they would have found out eventually and that would have been adding insult to injury. If you don't make it clear you also run the risk of people making assumptions, buying their outfits and booking accomodation and then you being potentially emotionally blackmailed into changing your mind. My DD has one set of much younger female cousins and I thought it was quite likely that their parents would expect them to be bridesmaids so I made it very clear to them early on what the plan was. I didn't want the little girls to be disappointed but nor did I want DD to be forced into a bridal party she didn't want. So we felt that honesty was the best policy and even those who were offended seem to have got over it now.
One thing I would say though is that your close almost certainly want to be there because they love you, not because they want to make you uncomfortable or want to intrude. That doesn't obligate you to invite them of course but it's just something to bear in mind when processing their reactions. One of our relatives was particularly hurt about not being invited to the wedding and it was genuinely because she really adores DD and felt very sad about not being involved. She said a couple of uncharacteristically nasty things at the time but understanding why made that easier to take and she's since apologised.

DH and I went to Vegas, we wanted to be married we didn’t want a wedding, booked it all online in about half an hour and went for a great holiday that just happened to include a wedding.

Told family and friends before hand that we would be getting married while we were there and that no one was invited.

"when I have tried to explain we will have a tiny private quiet wedding, they are still under the impression this means they will be invited to the tiny private part."

I think you have to tell them they are not invited. Absolutely nothing wrong with eloping or only inviting children (though you will need two adult witnesses for legal purposes) but allowing close family members to continue to believe that they are invited is a little unkind imho.

I did similar but we had our parents there. We had a big gathering in the pub function room a week later with a wider group of people, very informal and everyone loved it. Happy that they didn’t have to fork out on outfits, hotels etc!

Elope. Get married in Vegas by Elvis and tell people when you get home. We juggled 2 difficult families and I regret the efforts I went to to appease everyone.

Just go and have your private little wedding and enjoy it. You don't have to have a full overblown friends and family event. Do what makes you both happy.

I expect most people will be happy they don't have to go to another expensive wedding.

You're being unreasonable to be vague about it. Just tell them.

Celebrate with them another time or just don't.

It's easiest to be honest so everyone is clear.

Don't tell them they're not coming. Just elope.

My uncle and aunt got married in secret. Tjey then had big family bbq where they announced it to everyone.
No onewas angry. Grandma was bit sad she wasn't at the ceremony, but got ever it quickly.
Everyone was chuffed for them

Don’t make a big deal out of it. Tell everyone afterwards.

I get on really well with my sisters - absolutely no backstory. I had the full shebang, both sisters bridesmaids. They both got married and told me afterwards. They had their reasons and I only want their happiness. Bit disappointed I didn’t get to make a fuss over them, but I can do that in other ways.

It’s very clearly not your thing and your wedding should be what you want. Any family who love you will be happy for you. If they aren’t, that’s on them. All the best OP

Could you compromise on asking just your parents, if they are still alive and you have a good relatinship with them. I totally get not wanting extended family and friends and it won't matter to most of those people. As long as they know they weren't excluded from a big event and that there was no even they won't mind at all. But parents are different and quite likely to be really hurt and upset that they couldn't witness the actual act of you getting married. They're less likely to be taking photos for social media too, certainly if you tell them not to.

If you literally want it small enough for just you and witnesses, could parents be the witnesses (I don't know if that's allowed).

You told them you're having a wedding but you're not, just tell them after you've signed the legal document.

Its your choice . Don't listen your family.

Just say you aren’t having a wedding, you are eloping.

They’ll say when and you reply it’s a secret, we’re eloping.

They’ll ask to come and you say no, ‘cos we’re eloping.

Who will be there? No one, we’re eloping!

It is easier to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Another vote for elope and tell them later.

If your families are both understanding and decent, tell them up front that you are getting married for legal reasons and don't want a "wedding". Therefore there isn't an event or anything. You are just taking a day off and having fun with the kids.

If your families have form for any bad behaviour, get married and tell them after.

DC not SC!

My late aunt and uncle, while still art students, skipped morning lectures to tie the knot at the local registry office, witnessed by student chums, followed by tea and iced buns at Joe Lyons, then back to college for the afternoon.
The parents were informed later; his DM in particular would have wanted the full extravaganza if she'd known, so there were some ructions, but they went on to celebrate nearly fifty happy years together.
Start your married life with a happy day which suits you and DP, and the SC!

Go away quietly, surprise the children, do it away.

Come back with it done.
Honestly I wouldn't have shared the proposal which would have avoided all the drama.

I have friends who have texted me after the event. Lovely news to receive and happy for them.

My BIL did this with his wife without comment.
Their choice.

If my family member or close friend came to me and said they are getting married in October but it will just be them and there kids, nothing fancy but they don’t want the whole big wedding thing I wouldn’t have a problem with this or be upset I wasn’t invited.

Get married in silence, tell them later.

As a family member, I would be cool with you two doing what suits you.

Just do your thing.