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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

343 replies

GD12 · 08/08/2025 13:38

Basically my MILs son has a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained. When our daughter was 4 a few years ago ist jumped up on her and scratched her chest at which point I said that our daughter couldn't stay in the house with it. She goes every summer to stay for 5 days and they usually put the dog elsewhere,the dog moving and staying with another relative etc. This year they didn't bother and the solution was to have my daughter stay with another relative instead of at her grans my mil would also stay at the relatives. Am I overreacting being annoyed about this? She has to go and stay with a relative that she's never stayed with before and sees maybe twice a year, that the dog is being allowed to stay in the house and my 7yo daughter has to move out because of it? Myself and hubby have had a fight because he can't see the problem, in fact he'd have her stay with the dog in the house. Maybe I'm being controlling but it's really pushing buttons in me.

OP posts:
Melsy88 · 08/08/2025 18:21

Jamesblonde2 · 08/08/2025 18:17

Dogs before human child is madness OP. I’d have thought Gran would be embarrassed suggesting it, but nowt so queer as folk.

It's the dogs house!! And the Gran is going out of her way to stay in another house to see the child! She's hardly putting the dog first 🤦🏻

Alittlewordinyourear · 08/08/2025 18:20

They are not putting the dog first. Your mil is moving out of her home to stay with a relative so she can spend time with your daughter whilst respecting you not wanting your daughter in proximity of her dog. It’s not all about you. They will see their dog as part of the family and are doing their best to accommodate your wishes

dynamiccactus · 08/08/2025 18:20

I wouldn't send a small child of mine to a house with a dog for a week.

As long as staying at the relative definitely means no dog and they won't sneak it in, I think it's fine. That's as long as your dd wants to go. If she doesn't the MIL will have to lump it. A week is a long time when you are that age. Why are 2-3 days not enough.

Concretejungle1 · 08/08/2025 18:19

what big dog is it as the dog you’ve mentioned isn’t exactly big?
What aggressive signs did this dog show, as you keep saying it was aggressive, but aren’t saying what it did? ( jumping up can be excited, playful, not trained etc)
is your daughter scared of this dog?

Aout25 · 08/08/2025 18:19

blacksax · 08/08/2025 15:37

It doesn't make one iota of difference.

Either it is aggressive and should never, ever be anywhere near small children, or it is jumpy untrained and won't obey commands, in which case it should be kept away from small children anyway.

Whichever way, the OP is totally in the right here.

Show quote history

3/4 years ago (when it was likely a puppy) it jumped up. It's obviously not fine anything since it we'd have heard all about it.

the OP clearly doesn't like dogs, nor know anything about them.

Jamesblonde2 · 08/08/2025 18:17

Dogs before human child is madness OP. I’d have thought Gran would be embarrassed suggesting it, but nowt so queer as folk.

Aout25 · 08/08/2025 18:16

Londonrach1 · 08/08/2025 15:31

Mil comes to you for a week. I totally wouldn't want my dd near that dog and dd is used to dogs. Especially as you don't need childcare...I'll get them to drop this arrangement. Yanbu

Why?

the dogs biggest crime us to jump up (naughty behaviour, not dangerous) 3/4 years ago.

Justchilling07 · 08/08/2025 18:15

@Juststop2025 op think’s it’s a Staffordshire bull terrier, but has said she doesn’t know, just that it’s a big dog.Staffordshire bull terriers are not classed as a dangerous dog breed in the uk, they are not on the dangerous dog act list.I use to be a dog trainer, so at least, l know what l’m talking about.
However l completely understand, if a parent doesn’t want their child to be around dogs, it’s just not down to the other person to remove their dog.
It’s a big fuss, over nothing because op, doesn’t even want her daughter to stay there!

Aout25 · 08/08/2025 18:14

WhereYouLeftIt · 08/08/2025 15:30

" ... a giant dog, I think it's a Staffordshire bull terrier but it's massive. It's also untrained."
A Staffordshire Bull Terrier is very much a medium-size dog. If this dog is "massive" it's more likely to be an XL Bully, surely?

There is no way I would allow myself, never mind my child, to be around an untrained XL Bully. I'd even hesitate to be around an untrained Staffie (and I used to have a Staffie, I love them). Staffies are incredibly strong dogs, and can do serious damage to a human with very little effort on their part. Why has your brother-in-law not trained his dog?

Given the OP's knowledge if dogs it could be a chiuwawa

Original poster
GD12 · 08/08/2025 18:13

Theroadt · 08/08/2025 18:10

There does seem to be a trend of putting kids with relatives (free childcare) and then being super picky about what goeson. In which case…pay for it and then you can be more in control 🤷🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

If you read the thread you'll see that I don't need the childcare and don't want her to go.

OP posts:
Theroadt · 08/08/2025 18:10

Oreosareawful · 08/08/2025 13:40

Does the dog live there full time? But your daughter doesn't? Why are you sending your daughter away at all?

There does seem to be a trend of putting kids with relatives (free childcare) and then being super picky about what goeson. In which case…pay for it and then you can be more in control 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aout25 · 08/08/2025 18:09

miraxxx · 08/08/2025 15:14

Why? If the child is a regular guest at her DGM's house, she would have her things there, a bedroom she is familiar with etc. She is only 7, these things are important. A dog is much easier to move for a week.

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She visits with her parents but not stays there once a year in her own. She's unlikely to have much there!

Original poster
GD12 · 08/08/2025 18:08

Aout25 · 08/08/2025 18:07

Well in 3/4 years of the DD being there regularly it's jumped up once & scratched her.

it sounds like it was a puppy at the time too.

& yes, she knows the relative, she said she sees her a couple of mes a year.

Show quote history

It's been separated from her since in general but earlier this year it jumped up on me and acts aggressively when you go into the house. It's untrained and aggressive, I've said this. People are trying to downplay it.

OP posts:
ClaredeBear · 08/08/2025 18:08

The dog isn’t aggressive but that’s not the point, it’s too boisterous and erratic for your child to be around. Sounds as if your in laws are going the extra mile to me. If they were putting the dig first they would t go to the effort of finding accommodation to enable them to spend time with her.

Aout25 · 08/08/2025 18:07

LittleMonks11 · 08/08/2025 15:14

YANBU who is the other relative? Do you know them? Does DD? DH sounds like he doesn’t take dog attack risks very seriously. If the fog is dangerous I’d be worried for MIL to be honest

Well in 3/4 years of the DD being there regularly it's jumped up once & scratched her.

it sounds like it was a puppy at the time too.

& yes, she knows the relative, she said she sees her a couple of mes a year.

Aout25 · 08/08/2025 18:00

Crochetandtea · 08/08/2025 14:52

Keep your daughter at home . I wouldnt send my child to a house with a dangerous dog .

3/4 years ago it jumped up & scratched her. It's not a 'dangerous dog' 🙄🙇🏻‍♀️

Alexandrine · 08/08/2025 17:59

If you don’t need the childcare and your daughter isn’t happy about staying somewhere she doesn’t know well without you, (even if it’s with her Gran), then why can’t you just say that to Gran? Advocate for your daughter - “Sorry MIL, DD doesn’t feel happy staying at X’s house as she doesn’t know it very well, so she won’t be staying this time. Perhaps DDog can stay somewhere else again next time so DD can stay at your house if you’d like her to in the next school holidays”. Job done.

ConfusedSloth · 08/08/2025 17:56

GD12 · 08/08/2025 17:55

The dog is not ill I can assure you and we can see the bias in your answers because youre a dog owner. If you've ever had a big dog and it is a big dog jump up on your young child and act aggressively then your attitude to that dog changes. And it's not once that it's happened, as I said it did it early this year to me. It's untrained and aggressive,I've said this numerous times.

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None of that is remotely relevant. Christ alive! Clearly you have psychic abilities and know everything. 🙄I'm sure they're just doing it entirely to upset you because they're also psychic and knew their completely normal and reasonable solution would upset you...

RantzNotBantz · 08/08/2025 17:55

Since she’s staying with her gran / your MIL at the other relative’s house this wouldn’t bother me.

Your MIL has respected your rule that your Dd does not stay in the house with the dog, and sorted it the way it works best for her.

It’s not your MIL’s dog, it must be hard for her to find a place to farm it out to.

Don’t be difficult.

Original poster
GD12 · 08/08/2025 17:55

ConfusedSloth · 08/08/2025 17:52

Yes, I am a dog owner. And I've never, ever, ever told my in-laws or posted on social media any time that any pet I've ever had has been unwell, injured, in need of treatment or anything else.

Regardless, I listed several other valid reasons why they could have done things this way around - if you don't know the reason (and you don't) then you can't know the reason isn't reasonable.

Show quote history

The dog is not ill I can assure you and we can see the bias in your answers because youre a dog owner. If you've ever had a big dog and it is a big dog jump up on your young child and act aggressively then your attitude to that dog changes. And it's not once that it's happened, as I said it did it early this year to me. It's untrained and aggressive,I've said this numerous times.

OP posts:
pinksheetss · 08/08/2025 17:54

If MIL is willing to have DD around the dog and you think the dog is aggressive then MIL doesn’t have DD best interest in mind and could put her in danger with other situations

However in saying that I think perhaps dog isn’t as dangerous as you are making out and MIL wouldn’t put DD at risk and is trying really hard to appease you

Aout25 · 08/08/2025 17:52

Juststop2025 · 08/08/2025 13:40

You are being completely unreasonable by endangering your daughter by sending her to a house with a dangerous dog - regardless of what they claim they do with the dog when she is there. Owners of dangerous dogs cannot be trusted to keep anyone safe, let alone a child.

Dangerous Dog. Do behave!

ConfusedSloth · 08/08/2025 17:52

GD12 · 08/08/2025 17:49

No, it's definitely not ill or sick I would've been told or seen it on social media. Are you a dog owner? You seem to be very defensive of it.

Show quote history

Yes, I am a dog owner. And I've never, ever, ever told my in-laws or posted on social media any time that any pet I've ever had has been unwell, injured, in need of treatment or anything else.

Regardless, I listed several other valid reasons why they could have done things this way around - if you don't know the reason (and you don't) then you can't know the reason isn't reasonable.

DiscoBob · 08/08/2025 17:50

DiscoBob · 08/08/2025 15:58

Well your parents are entitled to want to have your daughter stay overnight, and you're entitled to decline.

But it isn't her home. It's theirs. Some people might not ever have the grandkids alone overnight, dog or not.

They aren't going to get rid of the dog. Nor should they have to. its a case of grin and bear it. Or just have them come to yours to see the kids minus the dog.

Sorry, editing post above to say I meant PIL, not parents. Didn't catch it in time to edit before.

MeridianB · 08/08/2025 17:49

No one should be demanding to have your child 100 miles away for a week. Invite MIL to you and say DD doesn't want to go to a stranger's house.

YANBU to expect your 7yo to be prioritised over a large, aggressive dog. Not sure why your DH doesn't understand this.

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