Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

My friend had a staffy cross… it was ginormous!! Its head was a staffy and its body was muscular like a staffy but the size of a grey hound! OP has clearly said it was a staffy cross. ….
to be honest it sounds potentially like an illegal breed being fobbed off as an staffy! …but now the dangerous dog act doesn’t just go on the breed alone but takes into consideration the head and bite size!…. So this dog sounds like it should be on the list and muzzled etc It doesn’t matter anyway, the dog isn’t near the child…. The issue here isn’t about the dog being a bully breed… it’s more concerning the OP is being bullied by her partner and MIL to leave her DD when she clearly doesn’t want to!

THIS ☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️

Shes your fucking daughter and you need to say No and mean it!!
We don’t have children for their grandparents entertainment!
if your husband wants a week off from his own bloody child then send him to his mothers!!
Not wanting your daughter near a huge dog, even if it hadn’t been aggressive is your choice, you’re safeguarding her!
Personally I don’t like the fact you feel unable to say no!!
As for your DD staying somewhere else…. Take her up and stay for a bit … ask her if she’s ok staying there with her granny…. If she isn’t then take her home again…. OR just say you’re not happy for her to go and put your foot down …

LOL Staffies are not massive or even tall. They are medium-sized if we are being generous. Even if you are short like me (5ft nothing) a Staffie wouldn’t be higher than your waist. Do you mean a Great Dane?

Don’t see this as choosing between you/your child and dog it’s the dog lives there, I am assuming? So they don’t want to move him/her from their home when your child can stay elsewhere.
if you child is cool with the other relative and you’re comfortable with this just let it be

The dog isn’t the issue, neither is mil arranging to have DD elsewhere…. I doubt she’s putting the dog first… I suspect BIL has refused to send his dog to stay elsewhere, or has no one available to look after it… Your MIL has arranged elsewhere to go instead.
But the issue here is that you’re being pressured to send your DD somewhere at all!! My daughter is 14 and has has never spent more than a couple of days away from home at a time.. if husband needs a week off from his daughter then why don’t you book a Monday - Friday break away with just you and her?!
I used to take my DD to Butlins every year… we had a great time!!

I wouldn’t allow anyone to pressure you to send your daughter away for a week. Just wouldn’t be happening!

Just seen updates that you don’t need childcare.
In which case
If she doesn’t want to go and you don’t want her to go just let her stay at home
If your daughter does want to go then arrangements have been made to stay elsewhere and if she does it every year she’ll get used to it.

However Your dhs choice doesn’t override yours. You’re an equal partnership.

This

alternatively find other childcare

Their home is their dog's home, it's not your daughter's home. If you told me to put my dog somewhere else and take her out of her home so your daughter could stay here I would tell you to do one. If she's not comfortable there she can stay somewhere else, not the dog.

I think many parents can enjoy a child free week. I don’t blame him for that. Children stop wanting to go to relatives much sometime in secondary school as they have homework and friends and hobbies anyway

Why are you so reluctant to stand up to your husband? If you don’t want her to go to this remote relative’s house for a week and the grandmother hasn’t bothered to ask your daughter if a change of venue is OK then say no.

YABU. It's where the dog lives

But also for not standing up to your DH and MIL.

'Husband wants his "weeks rest" '

this is the real issue / problem

what kind of father wants a weeks rest from his own child ?

Can you go and stay with them too?

This is all a bit of a tangle. Forgive me if I missed it, but can't you just ask why the dog isn't being moved this time? I ask this because to me its as if your MIL is being bullied by her son - he won't move the dog and so she has to move out to see her granddaughter. If that's the case then I wouldn't want my daughter anywhere near him, and an untrained and large dog is just part of the wider picture. Though an obvious and important part. There's too much i don't understand about the overall family dynamic. But as others have said, if you're not comfortable, she shouldn't go, and if its such a big dog, presumably it is bigger/weighs much more than your daughter. Lots of dogs are really safe with childeren, but any dog can get aggressive in certain circumstances and bad owners are usuallly the cause. You mentioned that DH wants her to go so he gets a break, so that's something else to consider, and may be contributing to the overall dynamic.

I'd feel v uncomfortable about either alternative tbh. My DS goes to stay with exMIL every summer for a week because they have a farm and he loves it but a) they are very careful about him coming into contact with animals and b) he doesn't stay with a virtual stranger.

This just sounds like your MIL wants a break too.

But she does get to dictate whether her 7-year-old DD goes to MIL's house or not. And indeed whether she goes to this other relative's house or not.

Isn’t your MIL’s son your BIL?

If you don't want your dd to go, I don't think you should send her. This is YOUR child! If you are uneasy about the dog (and I'm a massive animal lover, with 7 dogs of my own) you are CORRECT to listen to your instincts. How does your dd feel about these visits? If she is excited to go, and the dog is out of the picture, one way or another, I guess in the interests of family harmony, maybe allow her to go--maybe for a shorter time period? 3 days? But ONLY if you are comfortable and dd wants to go.

God forbid that OP doesn’t get to dictate what goes on at her MIL’s home.

The dog is irrelevant as the child wasn’t going to be staying there so why are people harping on about the dogs breed?!

There is zero chance of a “dog attack” as dog won’t be there!
Sound like OP and her child are used to getting their own way, life isn’t like that, if not happy don’t send her, simple solution.

I have 2 huge dogs but I am absolutely anal about them and other people. You cant watch a child and a dog 24/7 and I simply wouldn't let them near each other unsupervised.

And I wouldn't let my daughter go to a house with a big dog if I wasn't there.

So tbh it sounds like your mil at least has her head screwed on.

No need to post then, don’t let her stay

She’s not going on her own, MIL is going, sounds like the relative is just providing a place to stay (and getting no thanks just a stropy attitude from OP whose not having everything her own way).
Seems like it’s OP that has the problem not the child.
Where does is say there is any issue with the relative, I read it as she just doesn’t know her well.