Aibu for being unhappy my in-laws are putting a dog "first"

Well then she needs to grow a backbone and tell her 40-year old man child to move out and take his dog with him (at least for the week she's having your DD to stay).

But why don't you just say no to the plans for MIL and DD stay elsewhere if you're not happy with them? You don't have to ship your DD off for a week just to keep your MIL happy.

And I'm sure you're aware but your DH is a moron!

ps edited for typos

OP, could you explain what the actual problem is? You've made the whole thing about the dog but the dog is irrelevant. Your problem is that you don't want your DD staying at this other relative's house? Why? What is your issue with that relative or their house? She's still with her granny... I don't get it.

It's not DD's home either! Why on earth does OP care at all whether DD stays at their house or with the other relative? I'm sending my DS to see SIL/BIL for two days later this month. I cannot express how little I would care if they said "oh, we're planning to spend a night at Aunt Ethel's". Why would anyone have a problem with it?

Entitled much 🙄

YABU. DD has somewhere safe to stay and can visit with MIL, and the dog stays in its own home where it settled. Sounds like a win-win to me.

I'm genuinely curious to hear why you would insist on the dog being in a kennel if the daughter is going to a different house entirely?

I can't see OP's point of view at all.

Why would you have an issue with your DD and her grandmother staying at the home of another relative that your child also knows? I really don't understand.

YANBU. It's not the dog's home. Its just a dog and this is where it lives. It will cope with being away for a week. They can accept not having your daughter for the week if they are going to make things more difficult.

No one apart from the exceptionally over sensitive op says the dog is dangerous so please stop labelling it when you have no idea. The dog hasn't been aggressive, he's jumped up to say hello by the sound of it which isn't idea and he could no doubt do with some training, but that's a world away from it being a dangerous dog.

Oh and she's cleverly thrown the staffie word in there because she knows it would have the desired effect from the uninformed. Staffies are wonderful caring, nanny dogs but it sounds like this one isn't a staffie anyway.

Entirely irrelevant to the OP'S point - but if it's "massive", it's not a Staffie. Staffies are quite small. Could be a cross-breed.

And YABU.

If you aren't happy don't send your DD. Not your house so not your rules.

It's not a stranger. It's a relative that she sees twice a year - and she's staying there with her grandmother, who OP is happy for her to stay with.

OP is just being a drama llama princess.

We had a very similar issue. We said the condition for the grandchildren staying was the dog being in a boarding kennel for the duration of the visit. We were happy to cover the cost.

The difference was we presented a united front. I'm sorry your DH isn't being supportive.

Well your parents are entitled to want to have your daughter stay overnight, and you're entitled to decline.

But it isn't her home. It's theirs. Some people might not ever have the grandkids alone overnight, dog or not.

They aren't going to get rid of the dog. Nor should they have to. its a case of grin and bear it. Or just have them come to yours to see the kids minus the dog.

Honestly you have to put your daughter first. Be honest. You don’t want her staying with the dog and you don’t want her staying at a stranger’s house. You are entitled as her mother to do what’s best for her. Invite your MIL to come and stay with you for a few days instead and spend time with your daughter.

YABU, I wouldn’t move my cats out if i had a grandchild that was allergic as a comparison. Different if my own child of course.

When you buy or adopt an animal you should be making a promise for life to care for them, the dog is getting older now and they might want it at home with them.

Are you expecting them to pay for a kennel or boarding? That’s expensive and not easy to find in the summer holidays.

I think your Mil can't deal with her son, the owner of the dog and this year she had to surrender to his wishes and leave the dog staying with him and she and your DD can have a lovely time and the same time of visiting other family that will accommodate your demand of no dog and child together. Which is a fair and straight demand.
I think you have done well not wanting the dog around your DD and I think your Mil is trying to keep the "peace".
I think the ones that need training are BIL and the dog to be honest.
I wouldn't punish a grandmother to not see her DGD for this. I think your husband is right there is no need to make the deal bigger.
Next year ask your DD what she wants to do. She will be 8 or 9 old enough to be taken into account in this arrangement in my opinion.

I do

You obviously know absolutely nothing about dogs and have completely overreacted.

You will damage your daughter with this type of nonsense.

You could always look after your own child rather than farming her out to a practical stranger by the sound of things. Poor kid and poor pup.

Dogs don't jump and scratch as a sign of aggression. They growl and bite.

It did not "jump aggressively" or "scratch her chest" out of aggression. If it were aggressive, it would've bitten, growled, snapped, etc.

You saying things like "it jumped at me aggressively but they say it just wants a pat"... if a big staffy jumped at you aggressively then no one in the world could play that down as wanting a pat... It's not possible.

It undermines any genuine concern you have when you say things that will make people around you roll their eyes.

I don’t think any of this matters unless your dd is upset about the new location. The dog won’t be there, the Nan will. She’ll have two ladies adoring her.

Well my inlaws have 4 dogs at times have had upto 6. When DD was little and we realised the dogs where a problem as not socialised with children and would bark and jump at the children. We made the decision not to ever let the children stay with the inlaws ever again, unfortunately that means our children have had very little contact with their grandparents as they are always busy doing activities with the dogs. But I'd prefer that then a child who was scared of dogs or worse bitten by them.

Luckily DH and myself where on the same page with this one, even though they are his parents. But I would have objected if he had thought it was a good idea they go to his parents unsupervised by us.

So you think it’s reasonable that OP has taken offence because they’ve "put the dog first" (even though what they’ve arranged is to keep DD separate from the dog, as requested)?

Just because MIL asks, doesn’t mean she gets.

I think the dog is a red herring. Why are you sending your DD away for a week if you don’t want to?