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Original poster

To be pissed off with husband saying he gives me an ‘allowance’

179 replies

Heaths88 · 08/08/2025 13:13

Views welcome on this - my H works full time, I am part time 4 days a week with Friday’s off to spend with our youngest child.

H transfers me money ad-hoc to go towards days out on these Friday’s etc.

Last night, he asked me whether the amount he is transferring is enough or if he needs to increase ‘my allowance’.

I said I don’t need an allowance, it’s money for our child. He stood by the description and told me to stop nit picking and that it’s good of him to be providing money when many other fathers wouldn’t bother as ‘they’d be busy working keeping a roof over their heads’.

There’s very little between our salaries btw.

OP posts:
deckchairmayhem · 08/08/2025 19:55

Condescending sod.
Suggest to him he takes over child care Monday morning till Wednesday lunch time, when you will work (and not need his allowamce). He can work Wednesday lunch till Friday.
I'm not being flippant, it's either a team work, or he ll have to cut his hours.

MoveOverToTheSea · 08/08/2025 19:51

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 08/08/2025 18:11

No it doesn't.

I'm so glad my husband and I kept our bank accounts completely separate.

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But the day you separate, if you do, then it’s all the same…

MoveOverToTheSea · 08/08/2025 19:50

BringBackThe1990s · 08/08/2025 19:09

I feel that a lot of millennial women are overly sensitive about this sort of stuff. Thankfully Gen Z women are much more trad, like the generations before millennial

Be grateful that he is giving you money for a day out, if your salaries are so close surely you could pay for it yourself if your so independent

Edited

You’re not back to the 1990 but the 1920 there.

Its money to care for the child, take them for outings etc… not for the OP!
So yes he should contribute. And no the OP should not be grateful if he is contributing to raising his own child.

Having said that, I’m not a millennial. My DCs are generation Z and they’re not ‘reverting’ to traditional roles. Quite the opposite.

BringBackThe1990s · 08/08/2025 19:09

I feel that a lot of millennial women are overly sensitive about this sort of stuff. Thankfully Gen Z women are much more trad, like the generations before millennial

Be grateful that he is giving you money for a day out, if your salaries are so close surely you could pay for it yourself if your so independent

BernardButlersBra · 08/08/2025 18:40

Time to start working the Friday then. Childcare near me is around £75 a day so it's going to work out more expensive. But you will get more pay and pension contributions which you most likely will need. Doesn't sound like he respects you

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 08/08/2025 18:11

Searchingforananswer2023 · 08/08/2025 17:49

Your husband is an idiot. I think all women on MN need to understand that when you marry every penny becomes shared money, even if you keep it in separate accounts it is joint money.

So many women on here are being done over by their husbands as they take a back seat in marriage to raise the children.

No it doesn't.

I'm so glad my husband and I kept our bank accounts completely separate.

RawBloomers · 08/08/2025 18:00

I've had housing and food allowances from jobs. I think criticising the word was a bit picky but at the same time it brought his attitude that you should be grateful to the fore, so maybe you were really reacting to tone of voice/body language/etc? But it could just be that he felt pushed into a corner by the criticism of his word choice and lashed out a bit with a culturally prevalent attitude that he doesn't really share.

Has he shown a similar attitude to other things to do with DS? Or with you doing things that aren't about him?

FateAmenableToChange · 08/08/2025 17:54

Charge him for child care for the Friday, half whatever youd normally pay a day. Thats his contribution to his childs Friday care, yours is a 20% pay cut.

Searchingforananswer2023 · 08/08/2025 17:49

Your husband is an idiot. I think all women on MN need to understand that when you marry every penny becomes shared money, even if you keep it in separate accounts it is joint money.

So many women on here are being done over by their husbands as they take a back seat in marriage to raise the children.

Animatic · 08/08/2025 17:40

redskydelight · 08/08/2025 16:11

But equally he could "invoice" OP for half the money she's not earning because she chooses not to work on Fridays.

I suspect the money OP earns is more than the cost of childcare (particularly as providers often give a discount if you use a whole week rather than a smaller number of days).

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It depends on how they contribute to joint account. If they put equal amounts then he can't really invoice her for anything.

SerafinasGoose · 08/08/2025 17:39

Curiossir · 08/08/2025 13:38

you sound delightful. I feel sorry for him.

Hell, yes. Imagine being insufficiently grateful to be ‘allowed’ money you earned yourself!

AllrightNowBaby · 08/08/2025 17:39

Poor guy!
I don’t think he meant anything bad by saying “allowance” and he was just asking if he was giving enough…

Typicalwave · 08/08/2025 17:34

Also, bill him for the additional childcare by way of lowering your financial contribution.

And the plan to leave. You can guarantee his views will get worse as he ages

Iwantamarshmallowman · 08/08/2025 17:33

BeMellowAquaSquid · 08/08/2025 13:24

Aside from the terminology I actually think that’s really nice and thoughtful.

I think he's a patronising wank stain.

Familymanlondondad · 08/08/2025 17:33

mbosnz · 08/08/2025 13:22

What an egotistical little tosser! He really is a very little man, isn't he? He really should stop embarrassing himself like that. Do you have a group chat with friends you could amuse with this anecdote, and then make sure you show him the responses? I'm sure they'd make that dick droop still further - and he sure as fuck wouldn't be having much use for it around me if I were you in the near future!

If he wants to make like a 1950's head of the household he needs to provide like one too - which he clearly isn't, no matter what lies he's telling himself.

You really are quite horrid.

Typicalwave · 08/08/2025 17:32

This would be the beginning of the end for me. He has no respect gof you

Howmanycatsistoomany · 08/08/2025 17:30

Anyahyacinth · 08/08/2025 15:27

If you are 50:50 on everything else but you earn 4/5 of his earnings plus childcare on another day...the net contributor, the allowance giver is YOU 🌸

Edited

Exactly my thoughts!

user764329056 · 08/08/2025 17:30

Yuck, I couldn’t be attracted to a man who uses that terminology, we’re not in the 1950s

autienotnaughty · 08/08/2025 17:25

Why don’t you pay a bit less in to joint account to reflect the fact that you spend more on activities with your child or use joint account card to cover child related expenses.

MyLimeGuide · 08/08/2025 17:21

Maybe he should put wads of cash in her purse when she's not looking? She can pretend it was always there and they need not discuss it?

redskydelight · 08/08/2025 17:19

bumbaloo · 08/08/2025 16:16

Yes yes and she could invoice him for rgec9 months iof carrying his child

Sounding ridiculous don’t you think?

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yes, I agree it sounds ridiculous. Married couples invoicing each other for perceived or actual "value" they bring to the relationship is a ridiculous idea, and yet it's always suggested on these types of threads.

Ponderingwindow · 08/08/2025 17:16

Also, if your salaries are about equal even with your reduced hours, is he paying you half of you reduced income? You shouldn’t be dealing with the loss of income all on your own. He should feel the reduction just as keenly.

Ponderingwindow · 08/08/2025 17:13

The Friday expenses are a joint account expense. They shouldn’t be coming from your personal account in the first place.

JudgeJ · 08/08/2025 17:07

party4you · 08/08/2025 14:40

I think the OP is vile for coming on here knowing they’ll be a pile on her DH. Like others have said, why is he paying for it when they earn similar? Who decided OP would be the one to have the day off and do nice things with their child? Allowance was an accurate term. Some of the women on here must just actually be miserable.

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So many women decide to work part-time or have a regular day off while expecting their husband/partner to facilitate this. Maybe a lot of men would be glad to reduce their working hours?

MyNeedyLilacBird · 08/08/2025 16:56

It's not great language but wouldn't have been the hill I died on tbh. If there's no others issues in general I would probably have just rolled my eyes and got on with things (while telling him that yes my 'little allowance' did need upping actually)