Do people still judge single mothers?

This is so sad to read and a prejudice I worry about my children facing when older, despite me providing them with a more loving and stable home than many children whose parents live together.

Children learn about how to manage relationships, conflict, communication, express love in myriad ways through their interactions in the home and with extended family. So many children are messed up by toxicity or even indifference between their parents who both live in their home, that I wonder why you’d think that those raised by single parents would have a more skewed view of relationships on average given data shows that being raised by a single parents is less harmful to children than being raised by two parents in an unhappy relationship (of which there are a large proportion given 50% of marriages end in divorce eventually but often far too late to avoid damage to the children, many people stay married when they shouldn’t).

Exactly, I’m not referring to someone who’s had one failed relationship, but rather to women who repeatedly choose unsuitable partners to father their children, continuing the same cycle.
They have multiple children by different fathers, yet seem surprised when each relationship breaks down, often despite the fact the man showed countless red flags from the very start and was always a bit of a twat.
It’s as though they don’t realise that having a child with every partner they get involved with isn’t necessary.

You really cant compare a marriage/relationship of 30 years where the kids are more then likely adults. Its not comparable to splitting up when you have young primary age kids or babies.

From having been a single mum (professional career BTW, higher rate taxpayer, own home) the most irritating thing is sleazy husbands thinking you’re fair game and bored jealous so called friends speculating and gossiping about your love life. If only they knew it was even more racy in reality!!!

Skint estate by Cash Caraway is a great book on this topic. It’s hard to read because she’s pretty brash but she’s also incredibly insightful.

I agree re my own personal experience of not being judged for being a single mum.

I wonder who the people who are doing the judging are? Are they vocal about it or giving the side eye? Are they family members or friends? They sound awful whoever they are.

But that poster was talking about a woman who has multiple children with different fathers.

Not just a mother who split from one partner who was a poor father.

In the case of a woman who has multiple children with different fathers her decision making is also pretty poor. Having more children with every new man they meet is hardly responsible behaviour.

Principle is the same though? Did they make a so-called bad choice? Where is the cut-off? 5 years, 10 years or more? I mean, I was with my ex 3 years before marriage, having lived together for a year. It was a further 3 years before we had children. I am educated, well travelled and earned my own money. Why is it me, as a single parent, who made the bad choice and not my ex who made a bad choice to sleep with another woman? Why judge me but not him? Why does society call me a burden, spite full time work in teaching, but his refusal to pay child maintenance and fiddle the tax man in the process is a domestic issue, between ex spouses? Why am I labelled a grabby bitch for wanting maintenance when I get a full time wage and related child benefits?

I didn’t make a bad choice. My ex shifted and changed.

Totally agree. Like the women on this website who are determined to martyr themselves for years (and harm their children) because they had children with a man who later reveals themselves to be a cheat/liar/ lazy but they stay because that is better then being a single parent in their opinion. They too had a child with an inappropriate man.

And how exactly is that the mother’s fault?

Landlords will often favour couples with a kid where there are two incomes or potential to have two adults earning an income, over single parents who have more earning vulnerability. So your dad clumsily might not be totally wrong.

I think being a single parent doesn’t carry anything like the stigma it used to. There is still stigma having a lot of kids by different fathers and expecting the state to support them (witness huge numbers of MN threads on that topic).

Easier than ever for a man to walk out on a woman he impregnated and leave her financially screwed. So society can hardly blame the women.

I don’t think there is much moral or ethical condemnation for being a single mum any more. I detect more sympathy than judgement.

People who split up after 30 years are not usually classed as single parents.

Yes, every situation is different, which is why the OP can't assume she was rejected on anything other grounds than relative financial risk, which may or may not have been linked to her parenting status.

You could just judge on an individual basis.

I’m a single mum and I’ve had nothing but praise and compliments. Yes there are some single mothers who are bad parents but that goes for married ones too, and of course many bad fathers, in the family home or not.

People judge everyone for everything.

Young mum, older mum, married no kids,married 10 kids, different dads, same feckless dad...

Personally? I judge when women are pregnant for more than once when the sperm donor is a twat, who doesn't help with his dc and then complain that he doesn't pull his weight as if its some great surprise.

Bonus points if he has dc with previous partners, and treats them like shit too. Becuase he won't treat your shared dc like that.

I admit I sometimes judge in the sense that I have huge admiration for single mothers, I think they are amazing by default. But this is wrong too, some of them are just assholes like any other general group in society.

Strange how in your story you try make the affair partner the bad guy for going back to his wife

I don’t judge them but the housing situation is partially fuelled by single adult occupation which includes single parents since the 1970’s. Sole adult occupancy was running at about 10% in the early 1970’s it’s now at just over 30%. It’s a massive socio economic change that isn’t really taken in to account enough along with the other myriad of issues causing a shortage. The population has increased by 13 million in the UK since then.

Single Mother's were judged harshly but it has changed from my Grandmother’s generation where women were sometimes committed to lunatic asylums to when my Mother was young and she was told to cross the street as a young girl round the corner had a child out of wedlock to the Mother and Baby homes where children were whisked off to be adopted right up to the early 1970’s.

@justsayso I can honestly say I don’t notice wedding rings on anyone. I have been married for what seems forever and had a few years where I didn’t wear mine.

@Eviebeans you are correct about some men targeting single Mothers. Especially vulnerable ones who may have been in a DV situation. It’s all very well people saying how can they not know but people in the same situation have different responses. Plus men like these, it’s all very much boiling frog scenarios and they are not what they appear to be.

I got turned down by landlords for being a single mum so that’s definitely a thing. Generally, I haven’t had any negativity though. If anything, peoole have said they admire me. I don’t deserve it, but I’ll take the compliment 😁

The judgement has gone nowhere. It's on the rise if anything, thanks to the reform/Andrew tate/traditional values/good family morals bellends

Plus, the growing awareness of the financial support given to autistic children (who only belong to single mums apparently) has created more resentment

As a black single mum of an autistic girl, I notice the judgement from others 😞

Yanbu xx

I think those who are single mothers by design are probably more judged these days.

Only on MN. In real-life I can't remember ever feeling judged. Not that I care about random people's thoughts on my family situation.
Single parents are, by and large, amazing, resourceful and resilient, and yes I include myself in that