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Original poster

To think women who say “I’m just one of the lads” secretly crave male approval?

207 replies

TheFluentCrow · 08/08/2025 09:31

I always hear women saying this as though it’s a badge of honour. But isn’t it really just about wanting validation from men and distancing themselves from other women?

OP posts:
Themagicfarawaytreeismyfav · 08/08/2025 10:05

Yes, there is usually a reason they don’t get along with other women!

Whynotjustengageyourbrain · 08/08/2025 10:04

5128gap · 08/08/2025 09:53

Probably better to overthink that underthink and come out with reductive generalisations like 'men are much easier to get on with' I can only assume you've not met many men, because I promise you, some are not at all easy to get on with, simple or easy going. Men are individuals with many different personality types.

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That's true, it is a generalisation but I have many close friends of both sswxes and the men are most definitely more easygoing!

5128gap · 08/08/2025 10:04

I think it would be one thing if a woman said "I love male company because i Iike the attention of being the only woman/I'm interested in stereotypically male pursuits and like talking to men about them/I want to attract a sexual partner and have more chance of this surrounded by men/my life hasn't brought me into contact with many women because I work in a male dominated profession..." or whatever is their reason for loving men. Fair play to them. Where it becomes an issue is when it's not enough to say they love men, but they have to add a negative generalisation about women to justify it. That's when the internalised misogyny becomes apparant.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/08/2025 10:04

arcticpandas · 08/08/2025 10:02

When I have said that as younger it was more about me making clear that there is no attraction between any of us and they consider me a person rather than a female. I also don't wear makeup, not into fashion and all that typically female stuff and I'm not flirty at all so I really was considered as one of the lads. I thought it was reassuring because that meant I could let my guard down.

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‘One of the lads’ or just an equal human individual?

iwentjasonwaterfalls · 08/08/2025 10:04

YANBU, it's pick-me / Not Like Other Girls behaviour and it's desperate and weird.

"I'm one of the lads" usually boils down to "I drink beer and join in when the men make sexist comments". I have a group of male friends through gaming but I am not "one of the lads", I'm a friend who is female and I'll call them out on any bullshit. I also have a group of female friends and there's no cliquiness or bitching because we're adults and can act like adults.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/08/2025 10:03

TheFluentCrow · 08/08/2025 10:01

I used ‘secretly’ because sometimes it feels like the “one of the lads” label gets worn as a subtle dig at other women, not just a neutral descriptor. But I agree, it can also just reflect confidence and comfort in that space.

Edited
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I meant women who are more selfconfident may feel less likely to feel any need to try to be ‘one of the lads’.

arcticpandas · 08/08/2025 10:02

TheFluentCrow · 08/08/2025 09:50

Exactly, that’s often the vibe. The ‘one of the lads’ label can sometimes act like a humblebrag that positions you as different (read: better) than other women. It’s not always conscious but it can reek of pick me energy when it’s about male approval rather than genuine connection.

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When I have said that as younger it was more about me making clear that there is no attraction between any of us and they consider me a person rather than a female. I also don't wear makeup, not into fashion and all that typically female stuff and I'm not flirty at all so I really was considered as one of the lads. I thought it was reassuring because that meant I could let my guard down.

Original poster
TheFluentCrow · 08/08/2025 10:01

ErrolTheDragon · 08/08/2025 09:54

I’d query the ‘secretly’.

Women in male dominated environments can be one of the team without needing to be ‘one of the lads’. Maybe that requires a bit more self confidence?

I used ‘secretly’ because sometimes it feels like the “one of the lads” label gets worn as a subtle dig at other women, not just a neutral descriptor. But I agree, it can also just reflect confidence and comfort in that space.

OP posts:
butterdish93 · 08/08/2025 10:01

It’s not even secretly haha.
and it’s pathetic, lads are the worst thing to aspire to be or to gain the approval of

Whiningatwine · 08/08/2025 09:59

TheFluentCrow · 08/08/2025 09:55

That makes sense, context matters. If it’s about shared interests or joking around in a specific setting, fair enough. I’m more talking about when it’s used as an identity, like distancing yourself from women or implying that being close to men is somehow superior. That’s when it starts to feel performative.

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It's also when you use that to cross boundaries because "it doesn't mean anything because I'm just one of the lads". If you're just going to the pub and having pints, no one cares. If you're behaving in a way that you have to justify as "I can do this because I'm just one of the lads"- then youre probably in pick me territory.

MsCactus · 08/08/2025 09:57

I have met some insanely bitchy men in my industry. I don't know why men have the stereotype of being easy going

Original poster
TheFluentCrow · 08/08/2025 09:57

HouseOfNoRegrets · 08/08/2025 09:50

Yeh. I'm a bit suspicious of women who don't get on with other women; what's not to like? Women are, on the whole, amazing.

Exactly, I’ve always felt that way too. Of course not every woman will click with every other but when someone prides themselves on not liking women, it often says more about internalised stuff than actual experience.

OP posts:
tripleginandtonic · 08/08/2025 09:56

CowHeronCow · 08/08/2025 09:50

I’d find anyone, male or female, who only has friends of one sex very odd.

This

powershowerforanhour · 08/08/2025 09:56

"Men are much easier to get on with, they are much more easygoing and simple."

Speak for yourself. You might be more "difficult" and uptight than the average man but I'm not and my female friends are not- the ones I know are straightforward, get-on-with-it types. As are the men I'm friendly with.

Original poster
TheFluentCrow · 08/08/2025 09:55

Arsed · 08/08/2025 09:49

Depends on the context surely? I’m in a vastly majority male hobby and consider myself (and am considered by the men!) as one of the “lads”.

Down the pub, drinking pints and acting like a 21 year old, then absolutely.

That makes sense, context matters. If it’s about shared interests or joking around in a specific setting, fair enough. I’m more talking about when it’s used as an identity, like distancing yourself from women or implying that being close to men is somehow superior. That’s when it starts to feel performative.

OP posts:
SpottyAardvark · 08/08/2025 09:54

Groups of men can be simpler & more straightforward to get on with, they tend to have fewer agendas, fewer games are played and schoolgirl type cliques are less of an issue. It’s just so much easier.

The tradeoff for this is that male friendships can be more superficial.

ErrolTheDragon · 08/08/2025 09:54

I’d query the ‘secretly’.

Women in male dominated environments can be one of the team without needing to be ‘one of the lads’. Maybe that requires a bit more self confidence?

5128gap · 08/08/2025 09:53

Whynotjustengageyourbrain · 08/08/2025 09:43

Men are much easier to get on with, they are much more easygoing and simple. I have many male and female friends. You're overthinking it.

Probably better to overthink that underthink and come out with reductive generalisations like 'men are much easier to get on with' I can only assume you've not met many men, because I promise you, some are not at all easy to get on with, simple or easy going. Men are individuals with many different personality types.

CowHeronCow · 08/08/2025 09:50

I’d find anyone, male or female, who only has friends of one sex very odd.

Original poster
TheFluentCrow · 08/08/2025 09:50

CruCru · 08/08/2025 09:44

Is this being what my daughter calls a “pick me”?

Exactly, that’s often the vibe. The ‘one of the lads’ label can sometimes act like a humblebrag that positions you as different (read: better) than other women. It’s not always conscious but it can reek of pick me energy when it’s about male approval rather than genuine connection.

OP posts:
HouseOfNoRegrets · 08/08/2025 09:50

Yeh. I'm a bit suspicious of women who don't get on with other women; what's not to like? Women are, on the whole, amazing.

Arsed · 08/08/2025 09:49

Depends on the context surely? I’m in a vastly majority male hobby and consider myself (and am considered by the men!) as one of the “lads”.

Down the pub, drinking pints and acting like a 21 year old, then absolutely.

NotAMessiahJustAVeryNaughtyBoy · 08/08/2025 09:47

I’m always wary of women who say they only get on with men and all other women are bitches etc. I understand getting on better with men/certain men, but not writing off all women. I have no idea how to feel about the opposite because I can’t think of any men I know or have met who exclusively hang out with only women.

toomuchfaff · 08/08/2025 09:46

CruCru · 08/08/2025 09:44

Is this being what my daughter calls a “pick me”?

Came here to say it screams of "Pick me"

Agix · 08/08/2025 09:46

Of course.

"Men are easier to get on with" no they're bloody not. Whether someone is easy to get on with is nothing to do with gender, some men are difficult, some women are difficult.

So if someone says this, it's obvious they are bootlicking men to me, and likely putting more effort into their friendships with men (sorry whoever it was that said this, but it's true).