To think women who say “I’m just one of the lads” secretly crave male approval?

I think that the 90s ladette culture had a lot to do with it. It was considered “cool” and sexy to be one of the lads.

I grew up with 3 older brothers and definitely felt more like one of the lads in my late teens. I had female friends who I was a lot closer to but I did love going out with my brothers. I even went on my brothers stag do rather than my sister in laws hen as we were much closer and it just made sense.

I do agree that a small part of it was “oh I’m a cool girl, the boys will fancy me” but I had very low self esteem when I was younger. As I’ve gotten a lot older I do see it more for what it was,

I have good friends of both sexes now but wouldn’t consider myself “one of the lads” like I used to.

This convo always reminds me of the “Cool Girl” monologue in a Gone Girl.

But again...is she walking about saying "I don't have any female friends, im one of the lads..." or just living her life

All of my friends are men. I come from a family of brothers and my dad is my best friend.

Women never like me but men love me. I don’t want their approval or attention but they make the best friends.

My Dd is mid 30s she hung about with boys at school both primary and secondary there was a few other girls in the group. DD wasn't into "traditional girl stuff" and a lot of the girls were not very welcoming of girls who didn't like x y z, She also did a male orientated degree,
so again young guys were her friends, I don't think she was a "pick me" or "Desperate " just circumstances

There's a time to outgrow it, though. I was bullied and outcast by the group of girls at my school when I was a child and had all male friends, so as a teenager I went through the one of the lads/not like other girls phase. Then I got to uni at 18 and realized I'd just met some mean girls before and needed to grow up, stop being childish and make male and female friends.

Maybe...and this is just looking at my own experience here and some PP comments that (some) women see it as a tool to infiltrate a group of men and try and find a partner. Especially the ones like I spoke of who seem to find married men a turn on. They come in as "one of the lads" drink and chat along on their wavelength pretty soon its a "your wife doesnt understand you like i do" path and bam! Shit hits the fan they walk away under the guise of we were only friends, he was the married one...

But im totally projecting 😅

It's actually rarely said outloud by women who prefer just watching football and drinking pints. They just get on with it.

It is usually said by women who use watching football as their excuse to go along on what would be a lads outing and then behave in a way that crosses the line. When they are challenged they say "I'm just one of the lads" or "I'm always like this, it doesn't mean anything". When actually they love being the only woman in an all male group. It makes them feel special.

The motivation is different. Having a hobby that you actually enjoy versus developing a hobby to get yourself into a group you enjoy.

Does she say she's "one of the lads" or "not like other girls" all the time?

It's the attitude and what is said that makes someone like this, not their hobbies.

If you were raped or sexually assaulted by a male friend, I’m sorry. That is an appalling thing to happen.

I don’t think it’s a reason not to have make friends, though. (And yes, I have had it happen. I was a child and he was not a friend .)

It may seem odd but if that woman as a child was excluded and bullied from female circles cause they were too weird preferring maths to make up you can quite see where it might come from

Firstly, that assumes that the men in the group are talking about football and the women are talking about shopping - how very reductionist of you.

Secondly, a woman who prefers football wouldn't need to announce it, she just chats about football or whatever and gets on with it. The "one of the lads" type women need to announce it and go on endlessly about it and assume the women are all talking about shopping.

Are you a woman? Is this how you view yourself? A bitchy, game playing, school girl clique cliche? Or is that just an opinion you reserve for other (lesser) women?

I’m torn on this one for the simple fact one of my sisters is “one of the lads” .

she wanted to be a pro footballer, spent her weekends growing up playing for the boys teams, never worn a dress since she was old enough to decide what to wear (not that a woman is based on wearing a dress just painting the picture, her birthday parties were always the boys from the class and did things like go karting, laser quest or of course football parties. When she wasn’t playing footy or training with her team she would play football with the lads from the street or from her team over park after school and on weekends. She’s never worn make up, nails done not even to our brothers wedding, she gets her hair cut in a Barbers, her house looks very much like a bachelor pad, she now into motorcycle racing and goes for three day trips on her bike with her male friends. She goes fishing with them and would never watch a rom com film. She’s very much one of the lads and not a pick me girl at all. We all assumed she may be gay but turns out 5 years ago she started dating her now fiancé who is male. He is great and has the same interests and joins her with her male friends for their road trips. So she is one of the lads but maybe she is an exception

I'm very odd then. I love my friends. They're not men. I'm not worried one of them is going to take advantage of me in a taxi after a night out. If that shit never happened to you, lucky you.

The thing is, it really doesn't matter what the woman says. Because the only time a woman will be viewed by 'the lads' as one of them, is if they have no sexual attraction to her anyway. If a woman is seen as a desirable sexual partner she will never be treated by men as they treat other men. So saying it yourself is pointless. They get to decide that.

Completely disagree men are more easygoing / simple
I actually think more men struggle with mental health, self esteem, anger issues than women
but they mask it very well for fear of being judged , whereas women are often more likely to discuss their feelings or to play them out in their behaviour
case in point my oh - to the outside world he is the most laid back, unbothered person - behind closed doors he can really struggle when things go wrong / break as he feels bad he can’t immediately fix or rectify things. He struggles with health anxiety and has a massive anxiety around doctors and hospitals . He would never ever discuss this not even with his best friend.

Who even says they're one of the lads? Doesn't that just mean they prefer watching football than talking about shopping if you're in a mixed group for an example, and what's wrong with that? Basically an adult tom boy. Weird judgy people on here. I think if you have an issue with that, that says much more about you than them.

Agee OP. I know one woman who was a work acquaintance, always going on about how she had no female friends was one of the lads. Managed to get herself into my dh friendship circle (same industry) to go for pints and lunch. Whenever I said shes toxic stay away from her my dh was very much like "nah shes just one of the lads I don't see her like that..." well guess who soon started sending my dh flirty and suggestive texts...only once and Dh showed me straught away and blocked her. I was absolutely furious that she even thought she could do that and dh now absolutely ignores her and so have all the other "lads" he is work friend with. So now I suppose she doesn't even have any friends male or female. Oh well

Agreed. Attention seeking and desperate.
overall most men aren’t even that good friends to each other never mind to women. I strongly believe most men who have close female friends are only their friend cuz that’s all the woman wants to be. One sniff that she might be interested in more than they would be in there straight away

Astute observation there, Freud

"I'm one of the lads" was also used a lot to reassure girlfriends of boys in a friendship group that the "one of the lads" wasn't trying to sleep with the boys. Spoiler alert: she always was.

"Groups of men can be simpler & more straightforward to get on with, they tend to have fewer agendas, fewer games are played and schoolgirl type cliques are less of an issue. It’s just so much easier.
The tradeoff for this is that male friendships can be more superficial."

I think that kind of "frailty, thy name is woman" trope is a pile of steaming bullshit but oh well different life experiences I suppose. Male friendships "can be" superficial but IME they are just as likely to be deep, supportive, lifelong friendships as female ones. I have no idea if that is statistically true but it's true of my DH and my brother anyway.