To think women who say “I’m just one of the lads” secretly crave male approval?

Apologies for the sarcasm but I struggle to believe there's anybody who doesn't believe pick mes behave that way because of male attention.

Complerely agree with you @TheFluentCrow

We will never have equality until we all appreciate and value being female.

None of us are ever just one of the lads, anyone who thinks they are have an honesty issue.

@5128gap I disagree. She can happily go on believing that. She’s unlikely to stunt her DD’s development just because she doesn’t have a gaggle of female friends.

And managing a team isn’t about liking people - you can get on perfectly well with people without being their friend.

Yes.

Largely because they're behaving in ways that the men would never behave towards each other.

I'm sorry but there is no way the world has divided itself into not liking you or loving you based purely on their own sex. There will be self fulfilling prophecy and affirmation bias in spades here. Honestly, if I were you, I'd really try to work this one through, because you can't go through life believing this. What if you have a daughter? Or ever have to manage a mixed sex team?

I think if you were brought up with just brothers and no sisters sometimes it is easier to talk to men. I think to actually say this is odd and as I get older I find I prefer female company now anyway.

@iwentjasonwaterfalls I’m glad you recovered quickly from your experience of female peer-group bullying and had the strength of character to pull yourself through it. Can you see that not everyone will have the same experience as you, or do you anyway advise everyone who has childhood trauma to “just grow up”? It’s seems a very harsh attitude.

I was sexually abused as a young girl (by an adult male) and it took me a long time to be comfortable around boys or men who took a sexual interest in me. I like men, and I enjoy their company enormously, but I prefer being with them in a social/work group situation than 1:1.

The SA left me vulnerable in many ways; I was by nature a gentle, easily dominated and sensitive girl - a perfect victim.

I was then bullied as a teen by some of my female classmates and in the end my female friends were persuaded by the bullies that I was “not cool” and my friends enjoyed bullying me too. They would run hot and cold; sometimes nice, sometimes extremely cruel; sometimes I would be “in Coventry” and might not talk to me for several days with no explanation. By the start of year 10 i was regularly being encouraged to kill myself by one of my former female friends - she clearly enjoyed inflicting this torture on me. Enjoyed it, I would hear her laugh about it in form-time with other pupils.

I was a social pariah and so the other girls did not dare speak to me in case the bullying spread to them too (this is how the bullies worked; they wouldn’t let any of their multiple victims form any alliances). In the end I did manage to find a few female friends through the last years of school but I have never found it easy to trust women.I form excellent female friendships but I tend to let them fizzle out.

For me being “a lad” was definitely not a humble brag. I genuinely loved hanging out with guys in my 20s and 30s, playing or watching sport, having a pint, participating in a 24hr PlayStation marathon, whatever.

The bitterness and judgement on this thread is a bit painful and reminds me how unkind women can be to other women.

I don’t think it’s secret because other women know what she really means.

I don’t think men would know though. They don’t care about the motivations of a pick me.

my oldest friends are women I went to primary school with, but now I'm a parent most of my socialising is going to football, where I am the only woman among the group I go with. There I suppose I am "one of the lads", but if they were actually "laddish", I wouldn't want to be! So what I'm saying is, even as someone who mostly socialises with men, I agree!

Same! My current manager is male, and he's fair and easy going and an absolute pleasure to work with. My old manager was a nasty, witch who played favourites and made my life hell (so much so I left a company I had been at for 15 years).

less gossip, less judgemental..

Lmao. That woman is not seeing male colleagues as they really are in their relaxed state if she really believes this. Those men are ripping the shit out of her behind her back the moment she's out the door, 1000%.😁

Sadly I have had the same where Managers have been concerned, bar one. All of my female Managers have been bordering on sociopaths, so incredibly bitchy and nasty at times

It speaks volumes that you think all women are more bitchy and judgemental than men.

I'd love for the people on this thread to do a drama degree; any notion of women being the carry, dramatic bitchy ones would go out the window 🤣

It's bitchy comments like this that are precisely why some women prefer to associate with men and be "one of the lads" rather than associate with those who are far more bitchy/judgemental.

That's not why it's not secret imo. It's not secret because it's obvious. I don't think it reflects confidence and comfort in that space either. If you felt that comfortable and confident in male company, you wouldn't feel the need to state that you're one of the lads.

In my friendship group most women say they prefer to work with men. They get treated better, less gossip, less judgemental... it's easy to see why some women would prefer to associate with "being one of the lads".

Just read the comments on here about such women and you can see who the spiteful women are with their nasty comments that mean some women prefer to be "one of the lads" rather than "one of the girls".

Well yes, if a woman actively hates other women it's quite likely other women will feel quite suspicious of her.

My best friend is a man I’ve known a lot longer than my husband, and whenever there is a thread about opposite sex friendships I think people are ridiculous for saying they wouldn’t “allow it”.

I still think it’s absolutely ridiculous to say “I prefer men because women are bitchy/complicated/none of them like me/game playing” or any other stereotype being depressingly applied to women by other women who see themselves as above all that female nonsense.

Funnily enough this is exactly what pick-mes tend to say 💁‍♀️

Women never like me but men love me

You can't say this and then say "I don't want their approval" immediately afterwards, can you see how that contradicts?

Also, if every woman you've ever met disliked you, it might be wise to consider how you're behaving and speaking to them and what vibes you're giving off.

Men build friendships differently and, in my experience, much faster. That’s why people say it’s easier because you see men going from meeting each other to being good friends in a matter of weeks. I’ve seen DH do it, he met a guy whilst out running a while back and within a couple of weeks they’re running together, went to the pub and took the kids to the park.

This thread is the perfect example of why some women might prefer men as friends! All these women are so suspicious 🙄 I bet they can't cope if their DH has a female friend and will immediately think they must be having an affair, even if the woman is 10x more attractive than DH 🤣

Just living her life but I guess she would have said she was 1 of the lads when she was younger, she doesn't hate women and does have a couple of female friends.

I get on far easier with men, do I do it because I secretly crave their affection and attention, absolutely not. I grew up with two brothers, my best friend is male (and no i don't want to jump into bed with him). I just find it easier to talk to the males of the species. I was definitely 'one of the lads' when I was younger, I was even invited on a lads only holiday, I was quite often the only girl in the group.

I went to an all girls boarding school so I should find female friendships easier. I don't. I was bullied at school and girls can be absolute bitches.

I think there's a link with neurodiversity. When I was younger, girl friendships seemed complicated and men always seemed to like me straight away, so all my friends were men. Then it turned out most of my "friends" were actually thinking they might eventually have a chance to sleep with me if they waited around long enough. I no longer try to kid myself that I'm "one of the boys."