To think women who say “I’m just one of the lads” secretly crave male approval?

I agree- women who claim they dont get on with other women baffle me. Women make up 50% of the damn population. If you cannot get on with 50% of the population purely due to their gender then YOU are the issue.

I find women who say this utterly pathetic.

I think this thread gives quite a good indication why a lot of women find other women difficult.....

The keenness to judge every single one of a group of imaginary unnamed women while calling them 'pathetic' 'desperate' 'pick me' 'odd' 'bootlicking' etc etc etc might just be giving a clue.

I love how people assume attractive women can only be friends with men if there’s a hidden sexual agenda (despite both sides often having partners or being married) but that doesn’t apply presumably to lesbian friends or those who are bisexual and may be finding us attractive too? Jeez, people can think about more than just how someone looks. It’s this shallow outlook which is part of the reason I don’t associate with many females. Women are the worst to each other and against each other. They blame a lot on men but women can be horrid, right from being little girls in primary school.

How many men would even be on a site like Mumsnet, posting stuff like this? They just get on with their lives! And women wonder why they’re not taken seriously - look at this thread alone! Let people be whatever they want and associate with whomever they want. No need for sympathy if you don’t have a gaggle of female friends. I don’t and I don’t feel I’m missing out at all. I’ve met women, I’ve had the chance of female friends but they have been nothing like me and I can’t be doing with the drama or conversations like this one.

My eldest DD (40 this year) wouldn't use the term like that. She was into hard core dance/Calvin Harris/Example and would travel around Europe to go to concerts and festivals. She's the only one out of her female friendship group who hasn't had children. Her partner (been together since 17 years old), hates that style of music and crowded events, he definitely doesn't do camping. My DD would go with a group of mainly male friends, all couple friends. Her partner trusted all of them and recognised that it's safer to be in their tent/company. She was described and self described as 'one of the lads'. She had a good mixed sex friendship group from primary school.

I don't know why you associate female friendship with being girlie, spa days, putting fake anything on your body, talking about men while also complaining how terrible they are, gossiping and drama. I am genuinely bemused as it bears no relation to my life or that of anyone I know. No wonder you don't have any women friends if this is what you think of women. Apart from you, of course. You're not like other women 😆

I’m autistic.

My female friends without exception are also autistic but the majority of my friends are male - because my interests are hobbies are typically male ones.

Am I not supposed to socialise with those I feel comfortable with? Is this yet another way I am doing life wrong?

"Not like other girls."

If you can't fight the misogyny, capitalise on it. Get kudos for agreeing that women are shit but position yourself as a superior one. Men who fall for this never actually believe it from them, though. As soon as they step out of line they get the same treatment as other girls. Yes, it's total pandering.

I suppose you're right. Maybe that was why I tended to not "groom" myself so as to not be attractive when with male friends.

I take people as I find them individually but I dont do girlie, cant stand the idea of spa days, dont fake anything on my body and dont need to spend all my talking about men while also complaining how terrible they are, I dont do gossiping and got along with parents at school drop off and pick up like they were part of the human race not some collective drama causing 'school mums' (heck threre was even school dads there!), I dont create or assume drama because I am insecure, I also don't assume all females are like that it just seems like that on here

I dont need to have close female friends just because I am female myself and cant work out why on earth this is something to be sorry for? or not

There are nice normal me and woman and just seems it is the women (I presume men) who have issues who cant sse it and cant get their head around everyone is not same going on what their body bits are what shape

I can’t bear gossip either. It’s unpleasant, it’s toxic and it’s also boring. I cut it off at the knees if anyone approaches me in this vein as I am simply not interested.

But this doesn’t make me more in alignment with men’s perceived traits. It makes me a woman who can’t stand gossip. I suspect there are a lot of us about. And there’s a male colleague on my corridor - much as I otherwise like him - who is one of the most incurable gossips I’ve ever met.

As a late teen/twenties I often preferred hanging out with lads than girls, girls were often so competitive and bitchy IME and the lads were just less complicated. Of course I had female friends and there were horrible lads I really didn't like - but in general I found lads easier.

Once I got to 40 that was really starting to change, I really started to enjoy the company of women more and now at 50 men are generally really tedious to me and women have come into their own. Now I have really great female friends and a very few men that I really like.

I don't think there's anything 'secret' about it.

Men are just easier! Far less drama. Most of my life the vast majority of my friends have been male, I've been on more stag do's than hen do's because of this.
It's not "pick me" or wanting validation, i just prefer the lower stress friend group and one of my hobbies is mostly male orientated.

You are disagreeing based on things other than what the poster actually said. The poster didn't talk about gaggles of girlfriends or not liking women herself. She expressed the belief that men love her and women don't like her. This is not a healthy belief to have about oneself, because it can't possibly be true based on the sex of other people alone. If the poster has a daughter, she will presumably believe there's a good chance the child will dislike her, for no other reason than the childs sex, while any son will love her. If she manages a mixed sex team it will be neither professionally or personally helpful for her to believe the female half of the team will by default dislike her and the males love her. You must be able to see the potential problems with that.

And no, you don't have to like people to manage them, but if you decide in advance who you're going to like as a manager based on their sex, you're an ET waiting to happen.

Do not care. If that’s the way some people want to assuage their insecurities, it isn’t affecting me.

I find this tired, gendered stereotyping really tedious. Men and women are individual beings. Liking football doesn’t make women laddish. Liking fashion doesn’t make men effeminate. And anyone who thinks men are not given to cliques should take a glance at the CEO board of the nearest large corporation. I can almost guarantee what you’re going to find.

Some people are arseholes. Some aren’t. Most are some combination of the two.

I've always got on better with male friends, and worked in male environments. I'm an ugly female, so the girls didn't want to be friends. I survived by trying to be the funny one. I'm not funny either, so I guess I was just trying to survive with crippling low self esteem.

It has a name. Its called identification with the aggressor. Its a defense mechanism to avoid vulnerability. By pledging loyalty and supplanting your own sex you get alignment and proximity to those in power. By shunning being powerless, they signal, I'm not one of the weak women. I'm in the club, you can't judge me by social standards. I have power through abdication of my own and proximity to men. The status is only conditional and never lasts long before there is violence and requests for higher levels of compliance. And inevitably rape.

I feel a bit sorry for women that don't like other women so don't have any close female friends. My female friends are wonderful and at times have been literal life-savers. Women can be so fabulous, so it is sad not to be able to see that and benefit from the life-enhancing richness of long-term female friendship. Their loss, I suppose.

Ummm.

So women are allowed to be like men in every respect. Work in the same jobs as men. Earn the same money as men. Take on the same responsibilities as men. And doing it because they want to.

But in social interactions if they want to behave more like men in their peer group, it must be because they want to impress men.

Maybe they just like that particular lifestyle/social interaction. And because we live in a world where people are more free to be who they want to be than ever, they are free to choose it.

What does "one of the lads" mean? How does it manifest?

I think it depends on the individual. If asked, I’m generally one of the lads. At school, I would have said tomboy and friends/family said the same, so it wasn’t performative or for attention/validation. It just so happens that despite having only a family of females, girls/women I’ve met in school and at work have not been my kind of people. I have found most of them bitchy, competitive, gossipy and like with mums at the school gate, wanting to talk about other women for whatever reason and normally critically. Men have been far more interesting to me as the ones I’ve been around have had conversations about meaningful things that I’m interested in (not girly things which I’m not). They haven’t chosen to talk to me because of who I am, what I’ve got and how they think it will benefit them. They don’t want to palm their kids off on me for childcare or to counsel them their marriage issues. That’s just me though and I appreciate it’s the people I’ve also come into contact with. I certainly don’t aim to appear cool to men or spend time with them to get them into bed etc.

IME it really depends on the person.

Thetr is lots of women who cravs male attention it is why so many put men before their many children it ain't news