To think women who say “I’m just one of the lads” secretly crave male approval?

Do women really still say that? It was tremendously popular in the 90’s, but I thought things had moved on since those days.. Then again I’m a lot older so..

oh yes ….. !!!

Whenyousaynothingat all.
Interesting point of view.

I used to be “one of the lads”, which is highly ironic as I don’t have any male friends anymore or have any interest in cultivating any new friendships with any.

Here’s the thing. My whole childhood/early teens I was told I was girling wrong. I was too loud , I was too bouncy, I laughed too much, I joked too much, I played too rough, I got too dirty , I was too messy, I was too daring .I got in trouble for it. I got punished for it. I was laughed at for it.So guess what? I started to believe it. That I was indeed different. That I wasn’t like the other girls. Not better, in fact, obviously defective and completely sucking at being a girl. The most frustrating thing is that none of those behaviours would’ve been an issue if I was a boy. So yeah, I found “acceptance “ by being one of the lads. To just be who I was , say the things I wanted to say, do the things I wanted to do.

Slightly delusional? Sure.

Looking for male validation or love interests? Nope. In fact , it was fucking heartbreaking when one of them would hit on me because it showed that I wasn’t , in fact, “one of the lads” (hence the delusional). I can see it clearly now. I couldn’t then.

Tragic? Well yeah, I wasted to many years denying my girl/woman hood and having extremely limited female friendships.

Desperate? Only to be allowed to be me, warts and all.

I get your point, but as another poster has said, some women naturally gravitate towards men, as in your case with traditional male pursuits, and then, there;s another sort of woman who says she's one of the lads as a form of competition with other women. They are the 'pick me' ones.

I'd never use that exact phrase, but I went into a male dominated profession, was the only female on my college course. I've mainly been treated as one of the lads apart from at one hideous workplace. I do find male groups easier in some ways, I always miss the mark with groups of women and have been the subject of bullying a few times.

I'm certainly not a "pick me", I'm in a long term relationship with a lovely guy. One of the things I like about a male friendship groups is that I don't need to make any effort, no one minds my quirkiness. There's certainly no cry for male attention, exactly the opposite. Mumsnet is always so weird about this kind of thing.

I have more male friends because I just seem to only ever meet men with the same interests as me.

However, I love women and wish I could make more female friends. I think that’s the difference between someone like me and a typical “pick me.” I don’t put women down or act like I’m different from other women. I think women are great.

I also wouldn’t be friends with the kinds of men who put women down either. The pick me types o know would join in with that kind of talk, whereas I’d shut it down.

I never used those words, but I probably was one of the lads back in my late teens and early twenties in that most of my friends were male and I was involved in traditionally male pursuits. At the time it seemed most young women were getting into fashion and makeup and that just wasn’t me, I had no clue how to dress and I just wasn’t interested. Also I found a lot of women to be bitchy and two faced, and again than wasn’t me. Men were just easier to get on with, you knew where you stood. However, I always made it a point to be friendly to any of my male friend’s girlfriends. I was very conscious that some women might not be comfortable with their boyfriend having a a close female friend so I would actively try to put them at ease. I care about my friends and would never want to cause a problem in anyone’s relationship.

Now that I’m older I’ve found more women who are like me and my friends are a mix of both sexes. To be honest, I’m quite upset to hear people saying that preferring male friends makes me a “pick me” girls, though the fact that any women would think that about me pretty much sums up the reason I preferred male company, see my previous comment about bitchiness 🙄. In hindsight, and with one daughter already diagnosed and the second awaiting assessment, I think it’s very likely that I am in fact autistic. But hey, pick me, pick me!!! 🙄🙄

OMG she wasn't into dressmaking, WI, flower arranging!

Nothing wrong with liking sports. I go to traction engine shows, steam railways, air shows along with my OH and friends.

I agree. A lot of men go for this sort of woman, drinking and swearing. It's much less effort to approach them, and of course a woman who has drunk alcohol is an easier lay than one who hasn't.

You’d be surprised. A lot of women do and are found very desirable - mainly teens-30’s probably. They’re likely seen as easy to get on with and more sexually adventurous I’d guess

I also think women see it as a compliment to themselves and feel hidden sense of inferiority because it takes little emotional depth to be friends with males but women demand a certain level of awareness, collaboration, understanding--this all leads back to heightened emotional intelligence and shared experiences. If other women sense that another woman is lacking in the fundamentals, relationships can be strained. However, we're all at a varying point in our lives and there are room for women who are male identified or hateful towards other women. If these women don't want female friendships they don't have to but the confusion over their identity is another issue that maybe they can work out in therapy. I've had horrifying experiences with people of similar races, we have different values, ideology but it would be incorrect for me to say I don't like them even though they don't like me. You go where your values are aligned. However, I would caution that aligning values with men isn't the compliment that they believe it to be. Whatever way these women seek safety and power, I have no right to criticize. They often think we don't understand them but most of us do and maybe they sense that as insulting rather than a knowing.

They’re easier to get on with when you don’t live with them!

Yep. In my youth I was friends with a house full of lads and was round there quite a lot. One time I was in an area where you wouldn't see me if you'd just entered in the main door. A couple of them came in and didn't realise I was there. They were in the middle of settling a minor dispute with a semi playful fight that definitely got too much for one of them (he conceded and got mocked for it) and someone belched very loudly. They were utterly horrified when they realised I was there.

Having someone of the opposite sex there changes the dynamic.

I had a boss like that. Always proudly saying how women hated her and men loved her.

Yeah, no shit. She was vile to and about other women. Awful comments all the time. Who would like a person like that?

I think some people are missing the topic, its not about having male friends, thats not what OP was saying/suggesting.

I have male and female friends, but Its regarding women who proudly state all other women hate them they have no female friends they are one of the lads and either have an agenda with that or, from reading this thread, very low self esteem and its about some form of acceptance

We all have different survival tactics and we all have to do our best.

This often also points to lack of self awareness. When you are aware of your own flaws, reactions, limits, thoughts you are able to better manage social rules and politics and accurately assign feelings better. This shows all types of red flags for someone who is struggling with internalized shame as well as denial. Its a very normal reaction and it takes some years to develop tools to improve self awareness.

You understand male politics because its the default and we live under male rule which incentivizes us to distance ourselves from women and overlook the vast emotional landscape of women and the lack of it from men as positive. Men don't need to overtly control us when society has trained us to see them as idealized.

Lack of deep emotional development isn't less drama. Lest anyone forget about that 1 in 3 men abuse women.

I worked with someone like this. She was also apparently into the stereotypical male interests like football, cricket, wrestling etc.

IME men are only friends with women they want to shag or would shag if they were single.

And women who are only friends with men and don’t like women get off on being fancied and flirted with in the guise of friendship.

I think what 'one of the lads' women never seem to grasp when lauding their men only friendship groups as so superior to female ones, is that they have never experienced a male friendship group. They seem to miss the rather obvious point that their own presence prevents it from being a male group, alters the dynamic and typically prevents them from seeing men at their worst. Men don't talk about women behind their back. Men don't have drama. Men don't have silly rules? Of course they do. They're just not involving you in these things because you're NOT one of the lads. You're an ordinary woman, just like the rest of us.

It's partly about keeping everything male as the frame of reference. I don't think women who say that necessarily realise it. There is also a part of it that is about camaraderie, which is not necessarily a bad thing in itself.

Boys and men can be bullies too though. You met some horrible women, doesn't mean all or most are. Not all men are lovely either.