To cancel our weeekend away?

Oh my goodness, so many shallow, grabby spiteful people in this thread. Would you say the same if the woman was skint and the man was rich??? Ditching someone because he’s not as rich as you? If you split he’d have had a very lucky escape. Sheesh!!!

He has absolutely no money so cannot even cover his own food when he is away? He owes you money from a previous trip? He preferred to go on a stag weekend knowing this would wipe out any money towards this pre-agreed, heavily subsidized trip? Yes it was for his birthday this trip but that does not mean you pay for everything.

You can cancel it and get a full refund. Do so now. Tell him you’re not willing to go and cover all the costs. Leave it at that and pull right back.

Total piss take to fuck this over when you have your own child and presumably had to plan it when children are with the other parent(s).

You deserve better.

But none of that changes the fact he chose to go on a stag do he wasnt even initially invited to rather than honour commitments he's made to OP.
He filled a space someone else dropped out of, even though

1. he already owed OP money and has not been paying back as agreed so far
2. knew they had a weekend away coming up
3. can't even afford to feed himself properly because of it. At best, that's irresponsible, isn't it?

I totally get that divorce is expensive, and that he may pay out a lot in maintenance, and he doesn't earn as much as OP. But none of that changes the fact he made a decision which clearly shows that what he has with OP isn't as important as going on the piss with his mates. That doesn't scream long term potential and she'd be wise to save herself some time and money.

For a 40th birthday Id have expected to pay everything myself but Id have been annoyed he spent out on a stag do when he owed me money

How much does he owe you OP?

You need to read the full thread.

The holiday the OP booked was agreed a long time ago. The DP owes her money.

The stag do was a last minute thing (he stepped in for someone who dropped out).

He went on the stag knowing he hadn’t paid back any of the money that he owed OP, it would leave him short for the rest of the month (the time which covered their trip away, and when his kids would likely need new school uniform, shoes and supplies etc) and would have nothing left for the agreed trip, his debt to OP or anything else.

He's behaving like a childfree, partner-free man who wants OP to fund his lifestyle, so he can go on trips with the boys and flash his cash and use her as an ATM to cover day-to-day expenses and agreed expenses (such as holiday spends).

Cancel.
Try to get the money owed from him.
Then dump him.

I am at a loss…is it for his birthday? You don’t plan on paying for his birthday because….?

If you can’t afford it all, of course cancel.

Presumably the stag do had been planned a good while ago.

Yabu to expect him to keep going on trips away if he can’t really afford them. Can’t you go and do a food shop?

I don’t think the OP has said anything about wanting a higher earner but I think someone who pays their way and doesn’t borrow money from her and not pay her back isn’t a lot to ask.

You’ve basically said she should settle for this because she won’t find anyone better being a single mum at her age. The things people will put up with not to be single!!

I've voted YABU because I'd drop this guy like a hot brick. He's spending his money on lads' weekends, and he's 40?

Cancel and plan a nice meal instead. Good instincts here - follow them.

I think everyone going in on this guy is pretty harsh. You mentioned he had kids in your original post but conveniently left out that he not just has kids but also an ex-wife. We all know divorces can wipe out a big chunk of your money especially where it is contentious.

Also, presuming you have always outearned him since this relationship began, why get into a relationship with a man who earns less than you and then complain about him not being able to afford the things you want to do? You talk about him going on a 5 day stag-do trip but when was this planned? Maybe he’s been slowly paying or saving towards it vs this birthday getaway that you’ve planned with what sounds like less notice.

You mention him being a kind man who listens to you, cares for you and who you trust so I would focus on those things if I were you. It doesn’t sound like he’s taking the piss out of you because he’s been upfront about not being able to afford fancy dinners before you’ve gone away just so there’s no misunderstanding. Stop lending him money if it’s bothering you. He should have other people in his life that he can borrow from.

You are not being unreasonable to cancel the trip if he’s not able to afford the fancy extras. I’m quite traditional-leaning myself and prefer when a man pays for dinner so wouldn’t want to be paying for a man so I get it.

To offer up a different perspective to those saying dump him and find a new man, most (not all) high earning men are not really trying to get into relationships with 40-something year old (guessing your age) single mums. So giving this guy up to find a guy who’s a high earner might leave you single for a while. The high earning men who do enter into relationships with 40-something year old single mums likely will not have the traits and characteristics you describe your current man as having.

So he still hasn’t paid you back what he said he would?

id be inclined to leave him at home and go on the break on my own 😂

Take someone else! Xxx

Exactly. If the trip meant so much to him he wouldn't have blown all his money with his mates.

Yep just agreeing you're obviously not a priority for him, clearly he had money to spend on the stag but none for you. Either he's really bad at managing his cash or he thinks you'll cover his share and forgive or forget what he owes you. If you want to stay with him I think you'll need to be very strict on what you pay for, don't ever let him move in with you and don't lend him any more money.

Just get your money back before you finish things.

I'd go on my own

Well I wouldn't dump him - but I'd stop paying for him.

So his money is for him, and you're the ATM for everything else. That shows you his priority, and you're not it.

He doesn't see this relationship as a partnership in the way that you do and it doesn't seem like it will get any better. Don't stay with him if it's contingent on you buying his involvement.

Right, and it had the desired effect, she felt sorry for him and "awful" for even posting this question.

I agree with this.

Also him texting you how sad he is not to be going on the planned weekend as you're cancelling sounds like manipulation and emotional blackmail. It would give me the absolute ick.

Who went on the trip, his children? Please don't tell me you paid for him and his children?

He needs to go afterhepaysyouback

And instead of paying you back as a priority, he has blown money on a stag do and an expensive meal out? and is now living on beans on toast?