A yearning in my soul for youth and sex

Oh this sounds tough, OP. I don’t think you’ve answered the question about an open marriage. I know you said you wanted sex with him, rather than other people, but an awful lot of what you are asking for - to be seen, have excitement, fun, feel alive, as well as sex could be achieved registering on a lifestyle site like wearex . I’m not suggesting doing it without telling him. But it does sound like you have been clear enough about how intolerable the problem is that you could declare you are taking it into your own hands.

these sites don’t have to lead to full on sex with others, though they can of course. They have lots of communities, social get togethers, sex education workshops, chatting forums…. It would give you a new injection of energy about yourself, above all else, and some new activity, contacts, maybe friendships - all with people who live different kinds of lives. It would also reassure you that you are still very much alive and desirable. There are tons of women in their fifties on there, and they get plenty of attention!

even if that doesn’t appeal, I think you need to reinfect yourself with life. You can’t just sit alone waiting for your husband to bring you life. He clearly isn’t. What have you always wanted to do and never quite done? Any passions you could pursue? Any fun habits you could nurture that are more nourishing or spicy than watching music videos? One of my friend signed up for an amateur acting class and is loving it- it pushes her to think about her body, emotions, takes her out of her comfort zone, she’s meeting new people etc…

life if not over at 55. It really isn’t. If your husband isn’t going to bring it, I think you have to take it into your own hands. Xxx

Except that may no longer be true. If the scientists are to be believed, we're on the brink of a medical revolution. Regenerative medicine could soon halt and even reverse ageing. This is no longer sci fi dreams. Serious people are doing serious work on it all. I recently read a book by a guy called Andrew Steele. He'd just completed a PhD at Oxford when he grew interested in anti-ageing science and decided to write about it. Hair-raising stuff. So many new treatments are on the horizon – senolytic drugs, nanotech, gene editing, etc. And AI, of course, will help speed it along. Steele said somewhere that in the 2030s 70-year-olds will look like 25-year-olds. Assuming climate change, overpopulation, bio-terrorism, etc don't wreck everything, it's only a question of when, not if.

I do know how you feel OP. I f-ing hate ageing. And I'm sick of people telling me it's a 'blessing'. It isn't. It's horrible. Watching your looks fade and your body decay is nothing but slow torture – psychological as much as physical. The worst thing is the loss of hope.

Our marriage only part survived. But we work with what we have.

Yes, I'm fine thanks xx

If it’s any help, I’m well into my 60’s, still on HRT, have been for over 30 years, after a young hysterectomy and my sex drive is great.

Luckily, so is my partner’s 👍

Sometimes, lack of sex drive can be due to dropping hormone levels, which GPs can help with.

Sex is the only thing this government hasn’t found a way of taxing yet, so I’m making the most of it. 😉

From the many discussions we had, she had an affair because she was bored. Not of me as such, more of what our lives had become. We work hard and with that comes quite a grinding routine. I get it why the affair happened. But we were/are a communicative couple and at the time, I was disappointed that she didn't tell me how she felt. But that said, I can understand why she felt that life was becoming tedious and we were l9sing ourselves in the routine of work/home/sleep.

The affair happened because of that I suppose. It lasted over a year because she liked him and the sex was good and it was a complete departure from a humdrum life.

No idea, but if you want to watch a very interesting music video, try Lenny Kravitz’s TK421.

You’re welcome.

Youngblud was my immediate thought!
He’s not my cup of tea but I can see the appeal!

Have you tried couples counselling? DH and I went through a rough patch a few years ago (not 100% sex based but I did also have issues with his sex drive and how often we were being intimate and the fact that I was always instigating it). It worked wonders and we resolved our other marriage issues, as well as the sex issues (it turned out that he had reasons which I hadn’t been aware of as we weren’t communicating well). Talking in a safe space with someone to facilitate it really helped and encouraged us both to me more open and honest without it descending into arguments or him just brushing off my comments.

He’s not being fair to you, OP. He really isn’t. If his job is affecting him so badly, then he must take steps to sort it out. At the moment, he’s letting you fill all the gaps and allow him to just power down when he’s at home, and he’s giving nothing back.

Any clue as to who the singer in the video is?

Discreet toyboy?

He has four days off a week and sits playing video games while you bustle around him working from home and doing everything that needs doing?

Does he have your dinner ready for you when you log off? I’m willing to bet that he doesn’t.

I’m amazed you want to shag him. My fanny clamped shut just reading that.

OP, you can’t live like this, can you?

There is more than a good chance it could get worse rather than better when he retires. He sounds like he has no sex drive and it doesn’t matter what you do, that won’t improve. He has 4 days off. 3 of those he should be full of beans!

Omg, leave him.

There’s a better life out there. He sounds totally checked out.

You keep mentioning how hard his job is. Unless he’s actually clearing land mines with his bare hands, there’s no excuse for him being so totally disinterested in you.

I’d quit with the bloody packed lunches, for a start.

Do you see yourself being with your husband in 5 or 10 years time OP? Does the marriage have the potential to bring you enough joy?

What does he do in his downtime?

“We must rectify that.”

Well, isn’t he the smooth-talker?

I’m afraid I’d have replied, “Rectify it? We’re talking about you fucking your wife, not fixing the dodgy flush mechanism on the downstairs toilet.”

It sounds as if he’s in dire need of a trip to the GP, a marriage counsellor or a divorce lawyer. I’d present him with these options and give him a week to decide which he’d prefer.