Fall out with partner over my disrespect.

Ok I posted up thread to say I thought your comment was mean. But having heard that he's continuing the silent treatment (while using you to entertain his child) I think he's also unreasonable, actually more so.

I think a bit of distance and quiet time after a row or hurtful comment is not a bad thing and often necessary. My husband sometimes accuses me of sulking and "punishing" him for not immediately snapping back into sweetness and light mode. I've had to explain that I'm not sulking, i just need a bit of time for the sting of any hurt feelings to wear off. I talk to him perfectly civilly but I can't "act" being happy in the meantime and as long as he doesn't keep needling me about "sulking" I can get back to an equilibrium quite quickly (which i want to do, what's the point in being miserable longer than I need to be?)

That is not what your boyfriend is doing. He IS sulking and punishing. Telling you to come over and then ignoring you is a very strong message that he wants you leave you in no doubt that you're being punished. You've apologised and you tried to move things along by going round. He's more interested in making a point than having the issue defused and resolved.

I think you should end things. Sulkers don't change unless they make a conscious effort to and there's no sign of that.

I agree, OP is indeed toxic

That was a really mean, unpleasant comment and then you walked out on top. Not him the problem here.

It sounds like your relationship isn't in a good place all round. There doesn't seem to be much respect on either side. I would definitely question the benefits of staying together when neither of you sound happy .

We've all misheard something or not understood a joke completely and laughed anyway at some point in our lives. People do it to hide or cover their embarrassment. You noticed and thought it was a good idea to point it out to the group. That is humiliating and no matter how you may have intended it, you can't dress this up nicely.

You've apologised, it's a start. If you really care, give him some space and in a couple of days, text, apologise again and take him out for a walk/drink/movie, something. He may give you another chance.

But, he doesn't really respect you. He makes you chase him whenever he gets a mad-on/temper tantrum or argument? Who wants to live like that for life?

That is not a relationship to hold onto. Good times are easy, it's the tough times that matter, and he has shown you that he is a child when it comes to disagreements.

To answer your actual question!!!! Yes it’s a very toxic response. He clearly doesn’t like to take accountability. And is expecting you to be the one that comes running.

Yes this time was on you but you have apologised. Does he ever if he is wrong! I’d say it’s time to move on.

To answer your actual question!!!! Yes it’s a very toxic response. He clearly doesn’t like to take accountability. And is expecting you to be the one that comes running.

Yes this time was on you but you have apologised. Does he ever if he is wrong! I’d say it’s time to move on.

Do you want to resolve this or are you looking for an ‘exit strategy always better to make a decision and stick to it

So you do all the work and he gets not to do any?

yeap, that is bad, go. He isn’t into you.

dump him. He’s a PITA.

See https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/ and https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

What you said wasn’t ok but it’s not bad enough for him to have that sort of response. He knows you care about him so should know you weren’t being malicious. Your apology should have sufficed and he should have moved on.

The fact that he hasn’t is his issue and down to him not being mature enough to move past conflict in an adult manner.

red flag and dump him IMO. (Sorry haven’t read full thread as am waiting for someone to join Teams call and filling time).

And that stubbornness is used to control you and you end up running after him apologizing over and over again and pandering to him.

You need to decide if that's worth the price of the happy times with him or not, I wouldn't stay in a relationship like that. As I said in my previous post you need to have a sit down discussion with him about how he reacts when he is upset, how it affects you and how it is wrong and unhealthy for your relationship and if he is unwilling to accept and do something about it you should walk away.

Couples counselling is an option if he is willing to help you both develop healthier ways to communicate and handle conflict but he has to recognize what he is doing wrong and be willing to change if not there isn't any chance.

He continues to act like a spoilt petulant child while you look after his daughter upstairs, can you imagine how bad things will get when you start living together? Trying to stay out of his way for days on end while he stomps about like a child for weeks until you beg him and make the first move?

OP hes using you to look after his child while actively ignoring you. It’s madness that you’re going along with this! It’s unfair for you, very unhealthy for his child to be witnessing and a clear sign this relationship is so toxic it’s foolish to continue seeing him.

You said if you hadn’t made the first move after he started the silent treatment, it would have gone on for weeks.

Why do you want to be in such an unhealthy relationship, regardless of the rights and wrongs of each individual fall out?

Leave and don't go back. This relationship is making you miserable.

This sounds toxic and disrespectful all round. You don't need to be treated this way, and you obviously don't respect him any way. Every one in this situation deserves better. Walk away

I think people are being really unfair here.

You said one ill-advised thing to him. You have apologised.

But he has a pattern of abusive unhelpful behaviour after you argue. Him ignoring you now is abusive. And immature, and childish, and a sign that he’s emotionally unaware.

I’d leave his house right now. He’s trying to punish you with the silent treatment. It’s abusive.

Then have a good think about how happy you are in the relationship, and what you get out of it. Do you want to stay with him? Why?

You might want to do the Freedom Programme?

OP, you need to leave (both his place now and the relationship). This relationship is not a good one. What you said wasn't great (but not the worst I've ever heard) and you've apologised. He is milking this because he knows how anxious it's making you. I dated a guy like that and my self-esteem got crushed as a result. But I hung in there thinking if only I'm ... then he'll be happy. This guy won't be happy. And by being the one to "cave" and contact him, you've been giving him permission to treat you this way. Please get out.

There are two choices here

If you like the daughter, take her out and do something nice the both of you and then tell him it’s over when you get back

Walk out the door (because after all, the daughter is not your responsibility).

You have no obligation to this man and you deserve better. What he is teaching his DD (as are you by meekly sitting upstairs) is that women must be kept in their place by men’s moods. His DD also deserves better. Just leave the man one way or another.

I don’t think you should apologise again, you have done it sincerely already and he is still ignoring you as you sit with his daughter. The atmosphere isn’t good for you or her so I suggest you leave them to their day together.

You have to think about what is good in your relationship and whether is comes at the expense of you burying yourself to get along. If there is still good there the. You need to think about the bad parts and if there is a reasonable expectation that you both can change the negative way you deal with conflict. Don’t stay in a toxic relationship, it is soul destroying.

But bluntly, so what? If the relationship only exists because you crumble and contact him first to placate him, all it tells him is that your have poor self-esteem, low boundaries and need him far more than he needs you. Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?

Go home, and get on with your own life. If he never contacts you again, you’ll know where you are and at least won’t waste three more years in a relationship that doesn’t sound as if it’s making either of you happy.