Whats the Right Thing to Do with Boyfriend Moving in and Bills etc?

How long have you been together?

I don't respect men who want to move into the home I own. Ill bet he does love it and is looking forward to free accommodation. Why doesn't he have his own place?
Sorry that wouldn't be happening here.

This is a good idea.

Even if you had a lodger agreement it wouldn’t hold up anyway to be honest- as others have said a genuine lodger doesn’t share a bed with the owner.

Given you haven’t said the length of relationship I think it’s pretty safe to assume that the answer is- not long enough.

He isn’t a lodger, lodgers don’t share a bedroom with the owner, you would need a cohabitation agreement rather than a lodger agreement.

When my husband moved in I had him pay 1/3 of bills, apart from the council tax he paid half of that as I lost my single person discount. We also had a cohabitation agreement done. He was in a good position though, he owned, so if the relationship ended suddenly he wouldn’t be homeless, where as your boyfriend would.

Get legal advice. This is far too important to take risks with your (presumably primary) asset at 50.

OP, unless I have missed it, you haven't mentioned how long you have been together?

Is it enough time to have been on a few holidays/family get togethers/gone through some sticky patches/seen his bad side and vice versa?

Remember the old Mumsnet classic:
There is no one more in love than someone who needs a roof over their head (or something like that 🫠)
It's concerning that he hates his flat and living circumstances.

But time is on very much on your side.
No rush to make a family together etc. 🌼

Overreact much?

You really are avoiding the question how long you've been with this guy.

Donkeys years ago I moved in with a bf who owned his flat. I contributed a flat rate for food/bills - about 400 a month if memory serves (this was 25 years ago!) The idea was that I would then save the money I used to spend in rent for my own asset- either towards a property of my own (to rent out), or towards a joint deposit should we have bought something together later; something that would equalise our position and not leave me with nothing if we broke up (which we did anyway after 2 years)

Why not rent your house out and both get a place together?

How long have you been together?

You sure are defensive with this we deserve to be together dramatic stuff.

Nothing's keeping you from seeing each other. But, despite being 50 and having already been screwed financially, you're rushing to move some dude in.

You need to talk to a lawyer and your financial advisor about how to legally protect your assets from a possible claim from a live in bf.

How long have you been dating? Is there a reason he is renting a shitty bedsit? I assume he is a similar age.

I think you should work out your all your costs first costs first so you know what your starting point is. Include everything, service charges, garden bin charge, tv subscriptions, insurance, loss of single person discount for council tax everything you can think of. You don’t necessarily want him to contribute to everything but it would be useful for you to know all your costs.

Id have thought a cohabitation agreement would be most suitable but I’m not a lawyer. You can research it and see what you think.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong amount to charge but you would be silly to undercharge by too much. I’d maybe go with £600 plus bills. You can then see how things are going and can see if you want to lower the rent then.

I’d make sure you both agree to sit down and ‘review’ your arrangement after a set time, maybe after 6 months.

It will make life much easier if you and your partner get comfortable with discussing things like this. You see so many threads on here where women are uncomfortable about discussing finances. It’s better if you start as you mean to go on.

How long have you been with him?

You are right to be cautious @bigkahunaburger

Are you really sure you want to live with a man again? 😉😁

If so, look at this but even better, get legal advice before you ask him to move in.

It's going to be a tricky conversation so be very sure of your options and what you'll be comfortable with.

You love him, want to live with him, and want him to walk away from his own home to have no security whatsoever living with you then for me, I wouldn’t expect him to pay anywhere near the going rate for a lodger. And more than that if I were in his shoes I’d say nope, I’m not going to pay towards an asset I don’t have an interest in & especially when I’d also have no security so at the drop of a hat I’d be homeless should the relationship end.

He may then be saving a lot of money yes, and “living rent free” but he also could end up homeless overnight which is a hefty cost and an awful thing to have hanging over you really. I wouldn’t want to be in that position and I also wouldn’t want to put someone I love in that position.

Say his share of bills is £400. He pays that to you. The remaining £450 you split between you so £225 each and put in a fixed term savings account each. If the relationship breaksdown you both walk away with your own little savings pot; if it doesn't you both have the same amount you can then put towards a property together or a holiday or whatever.

If he can show he’s contributing to the household - on the mortgage or not - he will face a claim