AIBU to think that FWB should...

I agree he didn't have any right to complain as there wasn't any exclusivity explicitly defined in your communication x

Sorry it was for @Summerhillsquare

Lucky you! My male friends I don't fancy them unfortunately.

How sure were you that he wasnt having sex with other people?

Up to you and the one you're fucking, I'd say. There's no rule.

Personally, I don't think being exclusive is what makes something a 'relationship'. I've had what I'm guessing would now be called a FWB set-up with someone in the past, and that was 'exclusive'. But it wasn't a relationship. We weren't a partnership in any sense. Didn't meet each other's friends and family, didn't contact each other regularly, were fully aware that things would end as soon as one of us met someone else, and the arrangement was that if we saw each other, it was with the expectation of sex. If I'd had a date arranged with him and then, eg, woken up that morning with thrush, I'd have cancelled the date. We didn't even always stay over at each other's houses when we slept together. But the arrangement was that as soon as one of us met someone else we'd like to sleep with, we'd stop sleeping with each other.

FWB is casual and non-exclusive to me. It's almost a back up thing until you potentially meet an exclusive partner, or just fancy sex elsewhere.

Hence the literal 'friends' with benefits. You have more than one friend generally, but not partner.

So I basically want regular sex with someone I trust 100% and adore as a friend, but if Im on holiday or on a night out and something develops or I get talking to someone then I dont want to have feel bad about that! Or miss out! Equally I want my FWB to be free to have any experiences they want to have! Because hell, lifes too short!

Just explain that to anyone you meet and discuss FWB with.

Theres a pair of FWB's I know who don't use condoms with each other exclusively, but are free to meet others as long as they use condoms (or end their non-use).

The only "should" is that you should tell your FWB what your lines are and you should both respect what you agree on. Anything else is entirely between the two of you as what works for one pair won't always work for another .

That all sounds understandable and reasonable. But do you have any male friends that you adore, trust 100% who are also single, that you want to have sex with and who want to have sex with you? Is there someone you have in mind?

But it's not just sex. It's precisely friends, who have sex, which is a benefit.

I think of fuck buddies as being people who are buddies only because of the sex.

If they're friends then yes, it would be FWB. You didn't mention them being friends already in your post - just people wanting sex, hence my FB comment

But it's not just sex. It's precisely friends, who have sex, which is a benefit.

I think of fuck buddies as being people who are buddies only because of the sex.

Some people would consider that FWB. I'd consider that fuck buddies (and to me they are different) if it's just sex.

surely they can just use protection though, for their own safety and FWBs?

Some people will prefer exclusivity in FWBs because using condoms and other contraception doesn't protect from things like herpes and syphilis.

What if it's 'I want sex from time to time, you want sex from time to time, neither of us wants to get into the whole dating, sleeping around, tinder thing, but we don't want a relationship either, so - as we get on well - let's fuck from time to time, knowing that neither of us is fucking anyone else but also that neither of us wants anything that requires any commitment outside of that'.

Is that not an FWB relationshp?

You could... but why would you want to go out of your way with different people deliberately? Surely sex is better with a regular person.

Hi, sorry wasnt sure why you mentioned me, what's a big problem?

The only "should" when it comes to FWB (and FB to be fair) is that both parties should decide what works for them and there should be a level of respect that works for them both.

You can actually end up having less sexual partners, if you are honest enough to define a relationship as FWB. It saves one party ending things because it has got too intense, or isn't moving on. FWB isn't defined via promiscuity.

@Anchorage56 that's a big problem, younger women think that they are in a relationship, because they are having regular sex with someone. Then before they know it, they've had a baby to a useless shit, who didn't want any of what it has turned into.

@Nevertrustacop an affair is being unfaithful, after pledging exclusivity.

You generally have a FWB/ FB because you don't want the conditions that exclusive relationships come with. It can be ideal when you have young children, after being widowed, while having health/life issues and you can't give head space to another person. I had mine after being widowed. I'm now in a exclusive relationship, but we don't live together full time. My peer group is 55+, but majority over 60. There's a lot of men who have fixed ideas about how women should be, when in a relationship, so for older women, a regular FWB can tick all the boxes.

To me FWB isn’t exclusive but I’m not sure if I like the thought of knowing the person I’m FWB is sleeping with multiple people. Protection or not I would personally find it a bit weird but I completely get that’s just my opinion!

As this thread demonstrates - different people have different definitions and expectations! I think the key thing is to agree what the parameters are with your FWB/FB. I had one many moons ago when it became clear that he wasn’t a viable partner (very sexy, very fun, far too selfish and bit lacking in the old EQ), so we kind of migrated to an FWB situation. Saw each other four or five times a year - he travelled with work so I would travel to meet him in nice hotels. We would have drinks, fun, then a peck on the cheek in the morning and we were done until the next time. I think only once we had brunch together and it started to feel too togethery, so back to drinks and after dark shenanigans after that. I still think about him a bit wistfully and then pinch myself and remember that I am the one who decided I couldn’t do it anymore as feelings were creeping in despite knowing that we were ill-suited for anything long term. If I texted him now I know he would reply ASAP mind you… thank god I deleted him from my phone!

@Larose123 I think if the your head is getting in a tangle over just thinking about the parameters of FWB it may not be for you. You say "again" in your OP though so maybe it has worked in the past?

FWB should be all of the fun and none of the stress. Where has the idea of exclusivity come from, has someone floated the idea of being your exclusive FWB and how did that come about?

I would agree with your gut feeling, if someone wants to be exclusive it's a relationship. The parameters of that are upto the people involved but asking someone to be exclusive means asking someone to put you first when you aren't around. That's a relationship.

I'm in a FWB thing now. We met on a website with similar interests. We had the chat and we are exclusive with each other. We don't use protection but both got fully tested before we started anything with each other (he's had the snip years ago).
We go for nice dinners and come home and have amazing sex. Sometimes we skip dinner and just get down to it.

It's not a relationship, We both know it's not going to be a life long thing. Eventually he wants to find someone to settle down, meet his kids etc and I don't want that. So for now, we're exclusive and having fun.

I said you are being unreasonable, because just like any relationship it depends on what both parties are happy with. Some people may not want a long term relationship but want the exclusivity, others may be more open. As long as youre both on the same page then crack on.