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Original poster

On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

642 replies

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 15:01

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

OP posts:
Swirlythingy2025 · 07/08/2025 15:55

its like Coldplay again

Travelfairy · 07/08/2025 15:55

WitchesofPainswick · 07/08/2025 15:19

HOW CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FINGER?

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Shamesame · 07/08/2025 15:50

WitchesofPainswick · 07/08/2025 15:19

HOW CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FINGER?

This is up there with one of the best replies to a thread ever.

Thaawtsom · 07/08/2025 15:49

WitchesofPainswick · 07/08/2025 15:19

HOW CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FINGER?

Crying with laughter. Yes, this.

Whatwouldnanado · 07/08/2025 15:48

Yes keep DH busy! Book an excursion out for the day, dinner together, chirp up that you’ll come too when he next has plans with your friend. See how it goes. If he excuses himself and ends up with your friend I would be direct.

Thaawtsom · 07/08/2025 15:48

WTAF. Why are you not talking about what you are doing with your days before the day actually starts? Hey, DH, what shall we do tomorrow? I was fancying a coffee at X place then a walk to look at Y and then maybe lunch at Z. What do you think? Oh, you want to go for a run with Kate first? I hate running. You do that, then we'll meet for coffee after you've had a shower. Let's make the most of having a holiday where we don't parent 100% of the time and actually spend some time together.

Swirlythingy2025 · 07/08/2025 15:45

hairypenis · 07/08/2025 15:03

yeah, they are shagging

or hoping to, very emotional affair etc

MissyB1 · 07/08/2025 15:45

Tell dh you expect to be included in the activities and outings from now on, and that you two also need to do some stuff as a couple. Make it clear you didn’t come on holiday to spend every day on your own! Stop letting them sideline you!

TheBewleySisters · 07/08/2025 15:44

You're being too passive here. When they said they were going to the shop for a few bits, you should have said 'good idea, hang on, let me get my bag' and then GO WITH THEM.

Silverbirchleaf · 07/08/2025 15:44

Why are you letting Kate monopolise your dh?

As someone above, start getting involved. Don’t let them just be the two of them . If they want to do an activity you dislike, just say you’re want to learn, or will watch etc.

Also, do something just you and dh, even hfs it coffee, watching the kids etc

Stop being the nice girl, and, if you have to, be a nuisance.

To put it frankly, your marriage is worth more than the friendship. Although if Dh doesn’t rein it back, I’d be having second thoughts…

arcticpandas · 07/08/2025 15:42

Your husband is into Kate and she's encouraging it. I wouldn't go away with my friend's DH without asking friend to join. If we both liked running I would maybe go for a run with him but that would be it. I would find it very inconsiderate to go away half of the day witj him leaving friend alone.

As for the DH it's even worse, he's a twat. Tell him straight out that it's bloody obvious he's lusting after Kate and he should have the decency to divorce you first before running after you friend.

Functioningdisaster · 07/08/2025 15:41

Trust your instinct.

But tell your hubby that you would like to do something on your own with him (lunch / walk whatever you want).

Don't be the stroppy one - push Kate out. Her husband wants to work, she can hang out on her own & not be stealing other people husband for company. Who, as a family, one is working and one goes off with someone else husband with activities and leaves their kids in someone else company. CF in my eyes - the other family are taking advantage.

BlueMum16 · 07/08/2025 15:39

Could you not have gone for the walk too?

Are you sat back letting them organize stuff and not getting involved? Maybe plan tomorrow as a family.

Zempy · 07/08/2025 15:39

Why didn’t you tell Kate to stay behind so you can spend some time with your DH?

You need to be assertive here and stamp all over this. I would be fewmin.

coxesorangepippin · 07/08/2025 15:37

Er, yes it's weird???

Kate's DH has basically checked out, work project lol 😂

Lotsofsnacks · 07/08/2025 15:36

Why are you being so passive? You have a feeling something is up, so when they came back to the Villa and DH was changing his top to go into town to get bits, did you not say then I’ll come too? So basically you’ve been alone a
lot of the time in the day, on hols so far?? Has this woman not invited you to paddle boarding or any activity, just you pair, the two women? You feel she’s leaving u out on purpose?

TippledPink · 07/08/2025 15:35

I don't think it's an affair as yet but sounds like there is something there, trust your gut. Nip it in the bud now and tell him you feel left out and want to spend time with him.

DeLaRuiz · 07/08/2025 15:31

Um, well! Your husband really likes Kate, doesn’t he!

ginasevern · 07/08/2025 15:31

Yep OP, your DH wants into Kate's knickers and she seems to like it. We all know when a bloke is on heat, or when we're likely pissing on his wife, so she's equally culpable. They'd obviously popped back to the villa for a shag, or at least a grope. Dirty fuckers. I'd ask him if he'd like you to go home so he can enjoy the rest of the holiday with Kate - and mean it.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 07/08/2025 15:28

Drivingthevengabus · 07/08/2025 15:24

Hmm tricky. Did they seem surprised when you were at the villa when they turned up? Did they know you would be there?

This is what I was wondering. Sounded to me like they'd popped in for some alone time and OPs H had to come up with a random excuse on the fly!

Drivingthevengabus · 07/08/2025 15:24

Hmm tricky. Did they seem surprised when you were at the villa when they turned up? Did they know you would be there?

YouBelongWithMe · 07/08/2025 15:21

WitchesofPainswick · 07/08/2025 15:19

HOW CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FINGER?

This made me laugh aloud.

RantzNotBantz · 07/08/2025 15:20

Tell him calmly and gently how you feel.

WitchesofPainswick · 07/08/2025 15:19

HOW CAN YOU NOT PUT YOUR FINGER ON IT? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FINGER?

IamGrout · 07/08/2025 15:17

I'd be put out that I wasn't asked if I wanted to do paddleboarding but why didn't you go for the walk into town with them?

If running, paddleboarding , walking into town are things you want to do then he is very unreasonable to not include you in these plans. If you don't want to do them, then he is making the most of having someone there that wants to do the things he wants to do.