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Original poster

On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

642 replies

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 15:01

I’m really hoping for some perspective here. We are currently in Spain with my friends for a holiday. It’s us ( myself, DH and DC 14,16 ) and my friends ( Kate, Neil, DC 14,17) obviously names are changed. Kate was my friend for a few years through the activities. They invited us for a holiday with them. We booked two different villas about 5min walk from each other and right on the beach. Since we got here, Kate and my DH are spending more and more time together. This is our full third day here, and so far today, they met running at 7am and booked a spontaneous paddle boarding for themselves at 10am. We were all on the beach later and went for a lunch. I went back to the villa to get some plasters and they both turned up. My DH said he is changing his top as he and Kate will walk to the town to get a few bits. All of the DC are spending their time on the beach learning windsurfing with the local club so I don’t need DH to help with childcare. Kate’s husband Neil has a work project to do so he spends about 5 hours a day working in their villa. I’m starting to feel like a 3rd wheel to my friend and my DH. I’m getting grumpy when I’m around them and I don’t want to push him away but I don’t know how to get out of this mood. And another thing which got me thinking is at the dinner, Kate asked for a sparkling water and my DH said he wants some too. He never drank fucking sparkling water but when I pulled him on it, he said it’s because I only drink a still water so he did too. So for years you were drinking still water because of me? Have a sparkling water if you want! Something is feeling odd and I can’t put my finger on it

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 07/08/2025 16:59

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 16:54

Tbh honest, that’s how I feel. But I’m also annoyed with Kate. She keeps arranging the activities for them, and I can’t say that they can’t do them just because I can’t. I really don’t want to feel grumpy and miserable but the resentment it’s bubbling inside me!

Show quote history

So talk to her. Explain how you feel and ask for some consideration, tell her firmly you and dh need some time as a couple.

dollyblue01 · 07/08/2025 16:58

I’d be telling him that you u want time together the two of you and not with Kate this is your holiday too, let her go and do stuff with her partner. I’d be having a conversation with him too about how it’s felt, no accusations just make him aware and see how he reacts , ask him how he’s feeling if the shoe was on the other foot. Good luck and try and enjoy your holiday

SonK · 07/08/2025 16:58

I wouldn't put up with this rubbish - I would be planning activities with my husband. So what if I can't to anything physically intensive, we'll do other things together.

Sorry but I really pity you, take control of your relationship, plan days out with him in the evening for the next day

PreciousTatas · 07/08/2025 16:55

Eurgh, your DH is one of those men that change their entire personalities to fit the current bit of skirt they are chasing.

Tell them you are not going to the beach.

Then go to the beach in a giant sunhat with binoculars and enjoy the show from a distance.

Original poster
SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 16:54

thepariscrimefiles · 07/08/2025 15:57

So Kate's husband is working but you are the one who has been left on your own? That's really rude of your DH. You either do things that the three of you enjoy or your DH does things with you.

He is either just really insensitive and clueless, or he is attracted to Kate and deliberately arranging activities with her and leaving you out. Either way, what he is doing is unfair and unacceptable.

Tbh honest, that’s how I feel. But I’m also annoyed with Kate. She keeps arranging the activities for them, and I can’t say that they can’t do them just because I can’t. I really don’t want to feel grumpy and miserable but the resentment it’s bubbling inside me!

OP posts:
cooldarkroom · 07/08/2025 16:54

The anger response makes it even more dodgy

LumpyandBumps · 07/08/2025 16:53

Is Neil shaggable?

Seriously, have you spoken to him to find out his opinion?
His insight may be helpful.

Vaxtable · 07/08/2025 16:48

I would sit down with him this evening and tell him how you feel, that you can’t walk that well but are left to walk to the beach on your own rather than him coming back for you, that it’s noticeable he is spending time with Kate and not you or the kids

be honest about feeling like the third wheel, tell him Kate has a husband and it’s up to her to get him out with her not rely on you

tell him that you want to spend a couple of days with just you and your kids as a family and Kate and her husband can do their own thing

I would also have a word with Kate and ask her to stop with your husband and engage with her own

Radiatorsa · 07/08/2025 16:48

Your poor kids.
Right in front of them.
His anger is all you need to know.
I would seriously consider packing up and going home.
As for her. She is not your friend.

Purplevioletblu · 07/08/2025 16:44

How disrespectful of your husband to leave you out, know wonder you're feeling upset. Rude of your "friend" as well. Arrange things to with your family for the rest of the holiday.

istheresomethingishouldsay · 07/08/2025 16:43

5128gap · 07/08/2025 15:10

The thing you can't put your finger on is that your H is choosing to spend his time on holiday with your friend rather than with you, and unless there's a very good justification for it such as you refuse to run, windsurf or go into town with him, it's not what you would expect to be the case. Kate is clearly at a loose end with her H working and your H has stepped into the gap. I think you need an honest conversation with him where you point out that the time they are spending together is leaving you alone and that isn't enjoyable for you. You don't need to be imply there's anything untoward (if you do it will be thrown back at you as jealous and unreasonable and the conversation will be about how ridiculous you are not to trust them, I guarantee!) Just focus on how what is happening affects you and what you want to be different.

This

He's on holiday with you but he keeps disappearing with another woman (whose husband is working). So now you're alone and she's not ... with your husband!

You are right to feel uneasy and unhappy and wondering WTF, and you need to say something

lechatnoir · 07/08/2025 16:43

Woah OP I'm pretty open minded about these things but if your spidey senses are tingling I'd say something is amiss if not actually happening. I think the advice to bring this out into the open is spot on and get all 4 adults sat round the table today to discuss.
Make it clear FF husband working isn't fair on his kids or his wife who is currently occupying her time gallivanting around with your husband who is acting like a love-struck teenager. Reassure them that of course you're sure there's nothing untoward but it's getting embarrassing and could we all please have some consideration for each and enjoy the holiday with our respective partners.

TheOGBethDuttton · 07/08/2025 16:41

Oh wow, what an arse - both of them.

How did he get angry, what did you and he say to one another?

And how has the friendship shifted?

DeLaRuiz · 07/08/2025 16:41

Oh well if he’s got angry … maybe he’s about to reverse out of the situation and behave more considerately of you. I do hope so. My dh always got angry when I was right.

beetr00 · 07/08/2025 16:41

@SunnyBlueSeal

"I just had a text from my DH saying if I’m going back to the beach and another one from Kate asking if I’m coming to the beach"

Too late now, but I'd have texted him yes and "Kate" no 😉

You've spoken to your husband, you could speak to "Kate" too and where on earth is "Neil" in this dynamic? Is he blind?

I'd be mortified with my husband if he pulled this sort of stunt!

eta; and what do your kids think, they're both old enough to notice Daddy's disappearing acts with "auntie Kate"?

DashboardConfession · 07/08/2025 16:37

What do you mean he got angry? If you outright asked him if he fancies Kate I get him being angry but not if you just raised you being left alone a lot.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/08/2025 16:36

You need to say something!!

PuppyMonkey · 07/08/2025 16:34

Oh dear, this is a bit like something I’ve watched on telly recently or a book I’ve read. The husband who everyone’s forgotten about will end up being revealed as a serial killer I reckon.

Waterbortle · 07/08/2025 16:34

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 16:31

Sorry I forgot to mention that I am post torn ligament injury in my knee ( I’m very fit and active otherwise). I’m ok walking but running and water sports are a bit too much. And I really don’t mind my DH going paddle boarding but it feels like there is no consideration for me. Like I’m walking to the beach on my own and then I’m at the beach on my own and then they come together saying we were paddle boarding together. And it’s embarrassing that my DH didn’t text me that and I’m sitting in the beach on my own for 90min.
They are definitely not fucking but there is a shift in the friendship today with Kate and I tried to talk to my DH about it just now, and he got angry. That tells me a lot

Ah, I don't think it's reasonable for you to "spoil" everyone else's holiday by insisting they only ever do things you can manage, and it sounds like an active holiday would be the norm for you, but he does need to set some time aside to keep you company and you're right, an angry response to you trying to talk about it is a red flag.

pontipinemum · 07/08/2025 16:33

It does all sound a bit weird. It def sounds like he fancies her. They probably haven't acted on it. I know I would outright say to my DH how I felt because I cannot hold it in! Tell him you feel like a third wheel and that you want to spend time with him

Jellycatspyjamas · 07/08/2025 16:33

I think it’s really shit to leave your injured wife to fend for herself while you and her friend go off together. Regardless of whether they’re shagging the lack of care and consideration would be hurtful.

What do you think made him angry when you spoke to him @SunnyBlueSeal ?

Jackiebrambles · 07/08/2025 16:33

Yeah he clearly fancies Kate, and given you are injured he’s being a shit to you. I’d tell him it’s your holiday too and you want some quality time with him!

I did laugh at the water thing, it’s so petty but I can see why it annoyed you. Kate with her fucking fancy sparkling water, what a cow 😂

Barrenfieldoffucks · 07/08/2025 16:32

SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 15:56

I just had a text from my DH saying if I’m going back to the beach and another one from Kate asking if I’m coming to the beach. For anyone wondering if my friend and DH knew each other? Yes we have met a few times for a dinner with her and her DH. Nothing weird going on there before.
They knew I was at the villa when he came to change the top.
I don’t enjoy running at 7am but neither does he, until now! It’s like he is a different person around her and I get a different person at home.

Don't answer, just turn up

Original poster
SunnyBlueSeal · 07/08/2025 16:31

Sorry I forgot to mention that I am post torn ligament injury in my knee ( I’m very fit and active otherwise). I’m ok walking but running and water sports are a bit too much. And I really don’t mind my DH going paddle boarding but it feels like there is no consideration for me. Like I’m walking to the beach on my own and then I’m at the beach on my own and then they come together saying we were paddle boarding together. And it’s embarrassing that my DH didn’t text me that and I’m sitting in the beach on my own for 90min.
They are definitely not fucking but there is a shift in the friendship today with Kate and I tried to talk to my DH about it just now, and he got angry. That tells me a lot

OP posts:
popbingo · 07/08/2025 16:30

🚩🚩🚩