On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

Op you should have let rip at them the other day for the lunch incident.

Lordy. Honey, Kate is not your friend. You are in all probability never going to see her again after this holiday (I make no such predictions for your DH) so I would be tempted to tear her a new one. How dare she? Who texts to ask if you’re coming to lunch, doesn’t tell you where they are going but doesn’t check for a response from you either?? At the very least, call her out for this. Have some agency, for gods sake. She’s being deliberately disrespectful. Call it out.

Ah, so just dropping them then.

The lunch thing is really rude and thoughtless especially given you can’t go for a run, but you can do lunch. Also, I think it sends a very poor message to your DCs. DH sometimes works on holiday and he could be taking calls at lunchtime, but for them to exclude you is not good.

This / I would have said this from the off. No darling I’m not going on a 7 am run - we are shagging and having a leisurely holiday lie in. No more stuff with Kate book stuff for you me only

Kate is showing her true colours as a classic 'mean girl'. Plausible deniability because she did ask you if you want to come for lunch but she forgot to check her messages so didn't see your reply (which I don't believe).

Their behaviour is horrible and I would want to tell them all to fuck off and would go home.

Kate is not your friend, you need to call her out on excluding you from spending time with your husband, not just saying something to your DH.

His anger towards you isn't good because he knows you're right and he doesn't want you getting in his way with Kate.

I get really annoyed when my husband works on holiday.

Is it possible she is just trying to make Neil jealous, but that your husband enjoys the attention.

Dick moves from both of them if so. But not as bad as an affair.

Just slowly fade them out. No explosions no dramatic blocking, so they cannot pin point where or why just slowly cutting them out of your life till they are gone.

I’d be saying to my OH, that’s it, no more, you have really upset me and unless you want to go home with a shaky marriage you’re not to accept any more invites that I can’t be included in. I’ve hardly seen you and you might be having a great time but I’m having a horrible holiday being the third wheel with my husband and my friend.

And if he refuses then I’d say the same thing to her and will act like you’re crazy but if you are having an awful time call them out and ruin their lovely little developing friendship/crush

Oh, it's really easy actually.

• You never initiate contact with them again.
• Every time they message trying to set up a get-together, you don't reply for a day, then send the briefest of messages along the lines "Sorry Kate, I've been really busy and only just seen your message. I'll check my diary and get back to you." Then don't.
• Similarly, if she phones: "Sorry Kate, I'm up to my elbows in stuff at the moment - can I call you back?" Then don't.
• Repeat ad nauseum.
• If they don't get the message and message you more explicitly, such as: "I've been trying to contact you for ages, but you're not responding. Is there anything wrong?" Just. Don't. Reply. 😉

Sangria could be your friend. After several glasses... to hell with them!

Find some Spaniards to teach you the Macarena.

It appears that because her husband is busy with work, she thinks she gets to use yours. So your husband has a mate (or more) to hang out with and do fun things, and you are left on your own. Tomorrow (assuming this happens again) write down the things that have happened and send them to your husband so he can review how it actually looks from your perspective. And in that message, tell him that you will be sending the same message to Neil in 30 minutes to see if he thinks that his wife and your husband are behaving correctly. If nothing else, some shit will hit a fan somewhere.

Definitely arrange activities for you and your family. Tell Kate you will be somewhere else if necessary.

And if she does the lunch thing again, ring her to reply and keep ringing rather than texting back. And if she doesnt answer then ring her husband to see if he's with them as "Kate and my husband seem to have disappeared again" in fact next time you are all together a conversation about "Kate and your husband always seeming to disappear" could be interesting!!

Hmmmm, so Kate instigated the holiday? She's no friend to you whatsoever. Is she normally like this around other men? Sounds like she doesn't really like you, and your husband is being very disloyal. You're going to need to be bolshy, op. She's pushing you out of your own life.

If you say anything they are going to accuse you of being paranoid / jealous / ruining the holiday.

I’d be on at my DH in this situation “I want to have lunch together” “please don’t leave me on the beach alone” “Let me know your thoughts for dinner and we can decide together” etc etc don’t let up until he gets the message.

No way would I say anything to the friend, she’ll twist it and you’ll come off looking bad.

She needs to confront them , she should have already said something.she is seeing this happen and doing nothing to put a stop to it

I am livid on your behalf op. I think you need to speak to Neil

She is such an awful person 😡

I always find myself being on my own and they end up doing stuff together. For example two days ago, she texted that they are going for a lunch and if I’m coming. I texted straight away and asked her to let me know where they are going. 30 mins later I phoned her asking where are we going and she said she didn’t check the messages and they are already eating.

@SunnyBlueSeal the fact that neither friend nor DH didn’t even think to check phone after sending you a text asking you the lunch Q is something else. To me, it feels they really love for whatever reason (maybe the novelty/fun of it?) it being just the two of them. Now, to give friend benefit of the doubt, it may be unconsciously done but your DH really has no excuse! 😑

The lunch thing is appalling and so rude …I’d not have it….leaving you out like that.

I’d drop Kate as she is not nice in fact she is being nasty, re your OH I’d have it out with him …if he doesn’t change his ways then I’d leave…and move to another hotel….fuck that for a game of soldiers!

They may not be physical, but at this point it is definitely an emotional affair.

In your shoes I would be tempted to go home by myself, if that's an option. Alternatively, I would spent my time reading at the beach and getting a tan. I would definitely not be willing to feel like a third wheel to them, but i would keep and eye and use what I see to re-evaluate the relationship and this friendship.

They are selfish assholes, leaving you on your own all the time. If the roles were reversed there would be a riot. There is no way this inconsiderate jackass of a husband would allow himself to be treated like this.

You need to talk to DH OP. He's probably not having an affair but he's certainly acting like he's trying to impress her, and they are bring very thoughtless leaving you out.

If you are away as a group, nothing wrong with them occasionally doing something just them if no-one else wants to, eg a run, walking to shop, particularly as her DH not around, but to happen so frequently is disrespectful to you. And it's monumentally rude and thoughtless for your DH to go and have lunch without you on holiday without a conversation with you first, or to book an activity without checking if you want to go. The lunch in particular (unless you were gone and incommunicado for hours and hours) would be a big argument for me and DH!
Do you and Kate do anything and leave DH out? Or him and you without her? If not point out the massive imbalance to him.

How do you drop someone "with a slow burn"?