On holiday and I don’t know if I’m unreasonable!

I suspect she was able to preview the messages but not opened them so that it would appear that she hadn’t seen them. But I also don’t believe she didn’t check her messages. She’s done that on purpose so she didn’t have to tell op they were all at lunch until they were already there and probably already eaten! What a bitch!

Ask them "this may be an awkward question, but why the fuck are you two being so pally and leaving me out of everything, because its gone beyond pissing me off now "

Either that, or id pointedly book in somewhere else , or a flight home, and leave without saying

Sounds like a lot of this is driven by Kate and DH is lapping up the attention.

Ooh, I like this idea - it's clever. 😉

It’s odd for Neil to not take time off to go on holiday. Surely if he had to work, he could get up and do a few hours early and then later at night. I wonder how his marriage to Kate is if he works on holiday. It sounds like Kate has latched onto your husband and is wanting his attention. There’s no reason you couldn’t have gone to lunch or into town with them. Both your DH and Kate are being really selfish and it sounds a bit like it could veer into affair territory. Even if you can’t do the activities, your DH should be checking in and they both should be ensuring they’re including you not leaving you on your own.

You need three conversations:
With DH: you keep leaving me on my own on our holiday, and as if that's not bad enough you are doing it to spend time with another woman. It's not ok and it stops now.
With Kate: you are treating my husband as though he's yours, stop booking activities with him and monopolising his time, spend time with your own husband or with all of us together.
With Neil: your wife needs you to stop working all the time on holiday and spend time with her. She's been treating my husband as if she's married to him and it stops now, so she's going to be lonely unless you stop being shit.
Then see what happens. If nothing changes, I honestly would divorce him.

For what it's worth, I think her taking the kids out to lunch with your DH is worse than the couple stuff, she's treating them like a blended family and pushing you out of the picture.

Ok this is thoughtless at best. You need a word with your husband asap :(

This is an extremely cruel thing to do, how dare she! Your gut is never wrong OP, if they're not already having an affair, ' Kate' has most definitely set her sights on your Husband.

This needs to end now, today. Set your DH straight and have a word in ' Kate's' ear. She doesn't like you and is planning on having a go at your Husband, you have nothing to lose by putting your foot down.

'Didn't check her messages' my arse! She totally did that on purpose.

For example two days ago, she texted that they are going for a lunch and if I’m coming ( my DH and DC were with her at the beach and didn’t have phones). I texted straight away and asked her to let me know where they are going. 30 mins later I phoned her asking where are we going and she said she didn’t check the messages and they are already eating. It was her, my DH and all of the DC.

And what was your husband's (& kids?) thoughts on that?

Why weren't they asking where you were & would she please contact you to tell them where you all were?

AND also mention that the kids have noticed and that Kate turned up at OP's and her DH's villa at 11pm to join the kids watching a film whilst wearing a dress "that barely covered her bottom".

Tbh in your shoes I’d be reassessing if I wanted to stay married to the selfish prick …he’s not being considerate …

You really need to lay it on the line with him asap op.
He's the one that needs to change his ways, he's the one that made a commitment to you. This needs spelling out to him (well it shouldn't have to but it looks like you have to), tell him much his behaviour is affecting you.
She's definitely not a friend op. I'd never be speaking to her again once the holiday is over, I get that it doesn't solve the problem now though, sorry. Sending hugs as this really is the shittest of situations .

Could you say@SunnyBlueSeal? as@Waterbortle brilliantly suggested

""Its a pain that I'm not able to do all the things I'd usually do on holiday and am not getting much time with DH. I'd like to plan something for the two of us tommorrow"

Oh God I am raging reading this. How bloody dare they. The fact that he got angry when you brought it up means he feels guilty. He wasn't angry he was defensive.

Is Neil even actually working or is it an excuse because he cannot cope with his wife's behaviour??

Tell DH clearly and firmly that tomorrow is a couple day, you are fed up of being excluded.

I’m pretty sure op said that Kate’s DH is only working 5 hours per day so where is he the rest of the time I wonder. And where was he when Kate decided to turn up at op’s villa late at night all dressed up. What I don’t understand is Kate’s DH seems to be pretty much out of the picture, as if he doesn’t exist. Maybe Kate and op’s DH are excluding him too. I doubt he’d be working every hour of the holiday.

^This

Kate is not your friend. She has commandeered your husband like a taxi during rush hour and shoved you out the way. She doesn't care about you. Her husband is busy working, so she is taking yours.

I think it is very telling what while he was changing his top she barged in and started laying plans about a shop she wanted to show him. She ain't stupid. She's playing you and your husband for her own convenience. Little miss manipulation calling the shots.

Once her husband has stopped working, I bet she'll drop both of you. We all know and have met her type before. What Lola Kate wants, Kate gets.

I would take your husband aside and tell him it stops now or you might not be able to contain yourself. Drop Kate once home, she is not a friend.

I’d be asking Kate and Neil outright over dinner if they’d like you and your DH to look after all the DCs so they can spend some quality time together tomorrow as they’ve not had any time alone this holiday and if they’d repay the favour the following day so you and DH can have some alone time as well. You could even follow it up with a flippant comment that you feel you’d have nothing to tell people about your holiday when you get home as you've been alone for most of it and Neil must be feeling the same.

I think it’s a ghostly thriller, the husband died some time ago. There is no one working at the computer…..

Okay, I am probably reaching a bit here but it sounds as though she craves attention which makes me wonder if her relationship isn’t going so well. Perhaps HER dh is having an affair ( all those hours at the office - even while on holiday). Perhaps her marriage is f*ed and she want to fuck yours up too.

Your OH is lapping up the attention and needs a rude awakening…

I'm hoping it's more innocent, but that they are both flattered by each others attention. But you are not having a holiday at all! And that isn't on! This is your friend and your husband and you are on your own for hours - how in the giddy heck has this seemingly escaped their notice?

Please try not to be livid / angry / sad, and ruin what is left of your (and your kids) holiday. Ask what the plans are for the next day when you are all together. If they suggest sporty stuff tell them straight, that doesn't work for me. And just repeat that same sentence - that doesn't work for me. Do you have any suggestions as to what you might like to do that the others would enjoy? And as others have said, maybe suggest just you and your DH spend some time together. Please try not to hold the grudge and make him wish he were with her, though, eh? Your holiday too, try and enjoy what is left.

This is giving White Lotus...

I’m thinking like you