AIBU to ask if you had your own Mother present when you gave birth?

Yes but I wouldn’t again.

She was very much prim and proper at the birth. I had to be covered with a sheet for her comfort whilst pushing, I couldn’t breastfeed, it just was too clinical.
I accidentally passed wind while pushing and she was mortified and told me off. I had the baby’s head sat on my back passage for god sake.

I think it's possible. I also did not have a great relationship with my mother.

But I also think that there are some really different ways of doing things in different communities.

I am in London and I would say very normal in my circle is equal parenting - often both parents working part time or flexibly - and very few people have regular grandparent support or grandparents nearby at all.

In other areas of the country, women live very close to their mums and their mums do more raising of the kids than the dads do and there's lots of jokey "oh men, what are they like?!" In that latter context, having your mum there at the birth is just going to feel quite different.

Maybe it's because I didn't have a great mum but I never wanted the latter type of family model. Always wanted a DH who would be a great support and an equal partner.

Not a chance.

If you weren't in the room when they were made, you don't need to be in the room when they are born either.

I had this rather mean thought too, but then I had a very difficult relationship with my mother. Perhaps other mothers are so nurturing and kind that we'd have wanted them there.

No. My mum didn't know I was pregnant 2 out of 3 pregnancies and I was NC throughout and still am now. Those at conception are those that made it to the delivery room. So me and Dh.

No chance.

Not really peculiar at all. He has asd and adhd and believes professionals are professionals for a reason. Ergo if a midwife said something i disagreed with he would get stressed and tell me to do what the professional tells me to. Not helpful but doesn't make him a bad partner.

For my first DC, I had my mum and my partner with me all the way through. I was only 20, terrified and just wanted my mum 😂 it was fine and my mum was so happy to be there for his birth. For my subsequent DCs it has just been my (now) husband.

Nope. I love my Mum dearly and were very close but it didn’t occur to me to have her there. I got quite annoyed when in labour with DC1 as they kept asking if my Mum was coming. I assume it was because of my age.
To be honest I would’ve been happy to just be on my own. It was lovely to have DH there when the babies were actually born but for the labour I would have preferred to be alone.

Yes. My mum was with me for both births.

She and DH were both present for DS's birth but DH was not much use.

When it came to DD's birth, DH stayed at home with DS, and my mum came with me.

My mum is a much better advocate than DH. She was also more sensitive to my needs. It just made sense.

You realise that for centuries births were handled by women of the family and men were nowhere to be seen. You now have the choice of who you want there but there's no should about it

No chance. Partner and medics only.

My mum has done it 6 times so she is pretty much a pro at giving birth, so I wanted here there the first time. She spent most of the time bossing DH around and telling him to do things, it was pretty funny. I mainly wanted her there because she’s done it so many times and because she is a knowledgable advocate.

My mum has done it 6 times so she is pretty much a pro at giving birth, so I wanted here there the first time. She spent most of the time bossing DH around and telling him to do things, it was pretty funny. I mainly wanted her there because she’s done it so many times and because she is a knowledgable advocate.

Seconded. Didn’t even cross my mind !

Good god no. She’d have asked why I still had a tummy the second I’d given birth. As it was she had to wait until three days in (the only day she’d been asked not to come) and insisted on bringing the golden grandchild with her - my sister’s eldest - because all she really wanted was to show him the baby. Par for the fucking course.

My mother wasn't even in the same city. It would have been traumatic as the anesthetist nearly killed me during the c-section and I had a couple of anesthetists sitting with me for hours afterwards trying to stabilize my blood pressure. I have to say my husband was a rock though he told me later he'd been desperately worried. In fact, he'd tried to stop them making the near fatal decision but they told him they'd be able to control the side effects. He watched the monitor in the theatre as my blood pressure just dropped like a stone and it became very apparent they couldn't. He was left literally holding the baby while I was kind of hallucinating and wondering what a baby was doing in an operating theatre.

Had to for one of mine because my husband had Covid. She was only in for the last few pushes. I definitely wouldn't not have chosen her to be there but she was so thrilled to be there so I'm glad it happened

Under no imaginable circumstance would I have had my mum there.
I can just about imagine a circumstance under which i might have had my dad, as long as he kept away from the business end.

My husband was there through the long, boring bits of my first failing-to-progress labour so he kept me company. He was there for the actual birth of all of our kids but really, I'd have been happy with a midwife.

Not a spectator sport.

I had DC’s father there but he was incredibly unhelpful during a two day, increasingly complicated, labour so my Mum parachuted in and replaced him for the last 12 hours!

My mum was not with me and I wouldn’t have wanted her to be. I gave birth alone with my first child (apart from hospital staff) and I much preferred it to when my husband was there the next time). If my daughter had wanted me to be there, I would have, but I’m very squeamish and would probably have fainted.

I didn’t have that sort of relationship with my mother. A friend of mine did. I’d be honoured if my dds wanted me (but I won’t expect it)

I can't think of anything worse. I rang my mum when I was in early labour in hope of some emotional support, but she was drunk and slurring down the phone.

MIL though was amazing. She wasn't at the birth but came shortly after and stayed with me in hospital the night DD was born. She was a godsend.

Same as my friendship group! Totally normal for our first babies, then they provided childcare for the second (and sometimes third!)

No way. I had DH. I would probably expect someone to have their mum present if they were fairly young and didn’t have a partner present.

Just read a few more of the replies and I’m surprised it seems such a thing for people to have their mum there. Perhaps it’s one of these things that move with generations, like when my mum had me (1960s) there would never have been partners present.