AIBU to ask if you had your own Mother present when you gave birth?

Mine wasn’t there, and I wouldn’t have wanted her. We got on pretty well but not super close. TBH I would never have wanted anybody except dh, and for dd1 he was an 8 hour flight away anyway.

When it came to dd having her first, I didn’t want to know until it was all safely over - I’d have been in such a tizz. But she had her dh with her, which was what she wanted.

It’s fascinating to read all these replies. My mum died when I was young so of course she couldn’t have been there but I dream of having the kind of relationship where I could have depended on her. Obviously it’s all a fantasy and I have no idea how our relationship would have panned out. Maybe it’s a bit of a comfort to know that mother/daughter relationships aren’t always perfect!

I did! It was my first baby and just wanted the support of my mum who had done it before. My DH was there too - he was totally on board and expected my mum to be there too. I wouldn't have change a thing - it was an extra person for support (for both me and my DH), it didn't feel intrusive at all and she said she loved the experience so much and felt it was such an honour to meet her first granddaughter that way.

If I had more, I'd definitely consider asking her again - although I'd worry about my DD so I'd probably want my mum there for her (rather than Mil lol).

That's a lovely story, I'm so glad you had that support. Quick births are an absolute lottery, you hit the jackpot being at a hospital and having your dad there!

Turning OP's question 180 degrees around to those who have already answered; would you attend your daughter's or DIL's birth if you had the option?

I did have my mum with me for my first, and if I had the opportunity I would happily assist in my daughter or DIL's. Personally I think having someone with you who had been through it and understands is far more practical than having a potentially clueless partner there (not that they should be excluded). I understand that not everyone has a great relationship with their mum, and birthing partners need to be the strong, silent type that offer practical help and support, and most of all should be 100% there for the birthing mother and her best interests. Could we do that for our kids, and would they let us?

i actually had my own dad there.

it absolutely wasn’t planned. We were at the hospital visiting my grandad when I went in to a very very quick labour a few weeks earlier than due.

he was actually really good, calm and supportive.

I did for my first, along with my DH.

My DM is very respectful and doesn't get in your face or officious. She said she found it really fascinating and that it was a privilege.

I wouldn't have been mega upset if I couldn't have had her there, and I don't really know why I wanted it particularly; we're just close and it was something I was happy to share with her.

No, EXH who was useless,and deeply irritating. I didn't want him there at all after my first baby but he insisted. If my daughter asked me I would definitely support her. Not sure that she would ask but I would be honoured to be there.

Tbh never thought about it lol but then we didn't exactly plan much tbh all 4 born at home no problems hubby made it from work just about everytime lol

DS1 it was just my DH and I. He was (and felt a bit useless) and I laboured a fair amount of it on my own in the hospital as I was admitted and it was outside of visiting hours.

DS2 was in COVID but I was allowed two birth partners once in active labour and I asked my mum to be there as well as DH. She was so touched she had been asked and was extremely discreet and supportive (although my labour was very quick so she only just made it as he was crowning when she arrived)

For DD1 I decided to have just DH and I. There wasn't any particular reason I just decided it would be the two of us and it was again really special. Another quick birth so she wouldn't have made it even if I had asked her

My mum was in theatre with me when ds was born by emcs, she had been with me for most of the 60 hours I was in induced labour, my husband had been diagnosed with MS a month before ds was born & was unable to get into theatre. I was glad she was there, she had been more useful & had been able to advocate for me when I was unable to myself. She was the first person to hold ds, she dressed him & there has always been a special bond between her & ds.

Yes plus my husband

My DH fainted at the homebirth of our second baby. Our first baby was stillborn and I think he was still traumatised by that.

Baby 3, we discussed it and he was torn about being present. My mother came for the birth and she was my support person. She was brilliant. DH arrived about 5 minutes after the birth.

My mother was in another country for two of my three children's births but no, I wouldn't have wanted her there. We had a complicated relationship. I was in my mother in law's house and had a home birth for our middle child and I didn't want her either (we get along very well but really only wanted my husband). However, I was there for my daughter's first (long) labour until they wheeled her away for a possible c-section but in the end ventouse delivery and was happy to be. I have taught antenatal classes in the past and supported at other births, so comfortable with all aspects of birth and it was, helpful to have an extra pair of hands there. I was happy to support my daughter in whatever way she wanted (including accepting that she might send me away at any time). She didn't feel she needed me for her second baby. I would have been there if asked, but this way I was available to look after my grandson when they went off to the hospital. I think my son in law was probably happier to not have me present (we do get along well, but for this special time just having himself and his wife was probably better). I really think that only the woman giving birth can know what she wants - and she's allowed to decide differently at any time right up until baby arrives (and after). And if the dad will be present that needs to be considered too.

No, but she was outside and when I got very poor treatment she went crazy and saved the day.

I didn't think that I'd like her there, she was the nervous type, but I would have loved a hug from her immediately afterwards.
I felt very emotional.

I went in with my DD when she gave birth to her son,my Grandson it was traumatic at the end but that was because of a large blood loss and I'm glad I was there because my DD knew she didn't feel right and I spotted the blood loss and made the midwifes aware before they'd even noticed,but I'm really glad I was there it was a huge privilege and my DD still talks about her birth experience in a positive way she says because I was there with her.

I was luckily allowed to stay with her for a few days afterwards because of the blood loss so I got to look after my baby whist she looked after hers and she's an amazing mummy and her DS my DGS turns 6 next month and we're all still really close.

Absolutely no way on earth would I have had my mother with me!

I had my brother in with me for the c section as he is a doctor and doesn't panic, then my mum came and took over to do my first overnight in hospital with me which was great

Seems like it’s a no for most people, if you think about it ,for those of us old enough, for our mums it would have been the norm to have their mum or close female relative, men weren’t expected to .
BUT my mum actually asked tentatively and said she’d understand if my DH wasn’t keen though which he wasn’t, in recent years I massively regret listening to him , it would have been so special for her and I need to tell her so. I don’t really understand his reasoning but now it just feels really unkind and selfish.

Traditionally a woman's mother supported her when she gave birth. One of the criticisms launched at the doctor who attended Princess Charlotte when she died in childbirth was that the princess's mother was not present.
But now most women do not want their mother present. I certainly did not. And did not want my (ex)DH present at the birth of our second child - he was not very helpful the first time round

I was a single mum and my mum was with me at the birth. Soon afterwards, I fell asleep as I'd missed nearly two whole nights of sleep during labour. My mum dressed my baby before going home.

No. I had DH and about 20medical staff. Nice and intimate…
It wouldn’t have occurred to me or my mother to have her there.
We are very close but that moment was for me and DH, not my mother! She came in for cuddles later that day, I think. Or maybe be the next day, it’s a bit of a blur.

Nope!! Luckily I gave birth at the end of Covid so only 1 person was allowed to be present so I didn't need to have an awkward conversation with my mum. But my mum works in the hospital so she came straight after.
As much as I love and absolutely adore my mum, I think she would've unintentionally pissed me off and I would've said some hurtful things in the heat of the moment.
My best friend had me and her husband as her birthing partners and I felt so awkward knowing her mum was outside waiting for me to give her the update and I got to see baby before her.

There wasn't a snowballs chance of my mother being anywhere near me during my births. I can think of no greater an invasion of privacy. Nothing worse!