AIBU to ask if you had your own Mother present when you gave birth?

I did but I was 22, unplanned pregnancy and my boyfriend was terrified so I had them both there as I felt like if I needed support my mum would be better than him🤣 Now we are 32/33 I don't think I'd have her again if I got pregnant now.

Absolutely no way would I have, either time! We’re close and she is supportive but just no way she would drive me to absolute distraction. First time I didn’t tell anyone other except DH that I was in labour, we just announced when baby arrived. Second time I had a planned CS and my Mum looked after our eldest so she knew, but no one else did.

I only wanted DH, it was our experience to go through together. If I’d have wanted my Mum there I’m sure he would’ve supported me, but I didn’t want to.

For my own daughter (mine are still
children so hard to imagine!) absolutely I would go if she wanted me to, but I wouldn’t expect to be asked. I would find it really, really hard to see her in pain and not be able to fix it or stop it, but I would put a brave face on it and support her if that’s what she wanted because that’s what us mums do!

I only have one friend who asked her Mum to come. She came to all three of her births, along with her DH, who was perfectly happy with it. No one else I know has had their Mum there, or as far as I know, would’ve wanted them.

Good God no. I only wanted DH & he nearly missed it.

I’d planned to have my mum as back up as DH was working away the week before DD was due but she arrived while he was at home. Mum turned up to the hospital which I’d thought would be good but she was very irritating - kept wanting to hold DD instead of me and DH, tried to give her a bottle when I was BF, and worst of all, pinched my post Labour toast!

She was not invited (or told) when DS arrived and it was a far smoother transition.

She interfered in so many aspects of my life - this was one time I could keep her opinions out. Although I asked everyone not to come to the hospital, and she was there when I left the labour ward.

Lord no. It’s not a spectator sport!!

My mum came to my first birth, I was quite young though, only 20. I was glad she was there, she was a very calming supportive presence.

She found it difficult and asked not to be there for the next time. I didn't particularly feel I needed her the next time, I was much older and had a more supportive partner.

No, and I didn't have my husband there either 😆

I had my mum and my now ex-H there as Ex-H was a dick and me and my mum knew that he would be useless in supporting me.

We were correct.

He disappeared for hours with his own mother, and just after giving birth, accused me of cheating on him and stomped around the delivery room when he was told his mum couldn't come in.

I was very glad that my mum was there to support me at my most vulnerable moments.

I’m very close to my mum but definitely not. It’s the role of the father (if present) to be there.

I was my daughter’s birth partner with my 1st grandchild because the father not involved.
It was the most beautiful experience and I felt so honoured to be there,my daughter was awesome and still is .
I was present at the birth of her second child because both her and her partner asked me for my support. Am glad I did because the 2nd birth very quick and traumatic and baby had to be resuscitated. Can honestly say the 20mins after the birth was the most terrifying experience,not hearing an audible cry or breath ! Baby went to SCBU once resuscitated .
Thank goodness I was there to support them and to ensure that the communication between the professionals and parents was consistent and reassuring.
Also I was able to 100% understand exactly how traumatic the birth was to help support the parents for the few weeks after the birth.
Baby is now absolutely thriving and the memory is now fading but awful for the first few months.

No and I don’t know anyone who even considered it.

No way! It was husband who was there with me. He managed to catch covid near the end of pregnancy and l had a friend lined up as back up. But he was fine by the birth and the pregnancy went to 37 weeks -l had twins and often they don't go on that long

My mum is hard work and annoying on a good day, it would end up being all about her. How this didn't happen with her (she had me decades ago ok!), she's glad she's not me, she's tired etc etc

My mum wanted to come to my kids births but that was the last thing I wanted.
Dd1 my sister was with me.
Ds1 I was on my own with the two midwives.
Ds2 my my sister was with me again.
Ds3 my friend was at the birth.

Even if I had wanted her there, there’s no way my mum would have bothered to come and be there while I was in labour.

I had long labours, and my PIL lived nearby when I was having ds1 - they came and visited while I was in labour - that was nice, and actually, I’m sure my MIL would have been there like a shot, if I’d thought of asking her to be there for the birth - and she would have been very supportive.

My lovely DIL had her mum there, as well as my ds1, when she was in labour, and it was lovely to see how much support she gave her dd and my ds.

Apart from Health care professionals, only those present at conception were allowed at the birth.

No and my dds didn’t want me there when they were giving birth

Nope, just DH and me for both our children.

I have a friend who had her mum there but they are very enmeshed generally so that wasn't a huge surprise, but her dh has said to mine he was disappointed as the mother took over and pushed him aside. He did say it's what his wife (my friend) wanted so he supported the decision.

My estranged cousin... spectator sport. She had her oh, her mum and MIL there and FIL waiting in the waiting room. Hospital weren't happy as only meant to be 2 but they kept rotating and just ignoring instructions to leave. They all posed for photos with the placenta at the end too... utterly bizarre!

God no! She's lovely but she would have been horrified at the idea. When my DBs and I were born, Dad's waited outside so she wouldn't have wanted to be there. DH was annoying enough all.in his own (he's lovely too but got right on my tits trying to be "helpful ")

God, no.

I’ve been there for three of my grandchildren’s births. Both my dd’s asked for me to be there. I’ll be there again for fourth grandchild soon. Son in laws there also. We are close and they’ve wanted me there so I have done it.

but I won’t lie I’ve found it very distressing and scary. Seeing my child in such pain, and there were complications with both of my dd with their first borns. I’ve loved actually seeing my grandchildren take their first breath but my gosh I think it’s taken a few years off my life lol

No chance. Unless DH couldn't be there for some reason (because he was very ill himself) then I might have asked her to come. For #1 she didn't even know I was in labour until I called to say baby was here.... the only reason she knew for #2 was because we needed someone to look after #1!

No chance!

It’s funny, in the US birth seems to be a spectator sport, with a wide range of relatives and in-laws potentially expected to be able to attend.

I find it utterly bizarre. I barely wanted to be at my own birth, wanting to attend someone’s else’s… just why.

I’d go if someone desperately wanted me there, but I can’t imagine actively wanting to be present. People actually fall out over not being invited to other people’s births - imagine!

I had my mum and partner. Most of my friends did the same