AIBU to ask if you had your own Mother present when you gave birth?

I would have loved to have had my Mum there. She passed away recently and we were so close that I so wish I'd asked her.

My mum was there for my sis and sis in law but I gave birth to 2/3 with just the midwife. My DH was there for 3rd but only because she was in a tearing hurry and born unexpectedly. My mum never came near and I don't think I'd have wanted her to . But everyone is different .

I would’ve liked my mum to be there, partly because she had the most horrendous medicalised birth with me and still had a lot of birth trauma. I feel like seeing a simple straightforward birth would have been somewhat healing. I’m sure that’s the exact same reason she didn’t want to be there though, because she knew all the things that could go wrong. I completely respected that, but I was a tiny bit sad she wasn't there.

I'm not sure which way your voting works so I haven't voted. But my mum was present at the birth of my first child, more by accident than by design.

I was in hospital being induced, and had been in for around 30 hours (not in active labour all that time). My mum had popped in at visiting time and come up to the ward - one of the midwives asked her did she want to come in as I was about to start pushing!! I wasn't really in a position to say yes or no as I was away with the fairies on pethidene. However, the delivery room was like Piccadilly Circus anyway (midwives changing over shift, students, obstetrician, paediatrician etc) so one more wasn't going to make any difference. I'm glad for her that she got to be there but she was neither help nor hindrance to me.

She wasn't at the births of my other two as she was minding the older ones by that point!

With my first i had my mum and my partner with me, with my second I had partner and mil. Actually relieved about it too as there was complications when baby was born and I'm glad she was there to support dp as I was out of it.

I had my mum with my first as ex was away with work.
she spent the whole time telling the midwife that she always wanted to be one and stayed at the business end watching and giving me a full running commentary of what she was seeing. She’s now got vascular dementia and doesn’t know who I am and I’m actually pleased I have that memory of us together at such a huge life changing event

No because I don’t think she could support me in the way I need. I reckon she’d be alright for a caesarean but would have very little patience for a natural birth. There’s no way she’d be sitting around for hours.

Good go no! I would never, ever have wanted my mother there… but I didn’t let her come anywhere near me until a few weeks after the birth either, so that probably gives you an idea of the kind of relationship we have.

Having said that, I don’t know anyone who’s had their mother at the birth of their child.

No! My mum tried, and she worked at the hospital at the time and had a pass to get onto the ward, but the midwife apparently asked DP if she could come in. He said absolutely not, without asking me. God the stress it would have caused me, she's not easy. It feels right for the co-parent to be there.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum also died before my daughter arrived. We were very close and I definitely would have wanted her at my birth. I had my mother in law there instead, we have a brilliant relationship and I have no regrets about her being there.

It ended up being the best thing because I had a traumatic birth. I needed surgery within an hour of my baby’s birth, had and an ICU admission, and my husband was beside himself with shock and anxiety. Thankfully my baby was well but couldn’t be with me because I was so unwell. She supported my husband, held baby when I couldn’t and my husband was too scared about me to do anything at all.

Nothing will take away the pain of losing my mother early in my life, and my child never knowing her grandmother but I am truly grateful to have had my mother in law at my birth. To me there was something magical about my child’s other grandmother being present, and just a woman who had been through birth multiple times guiding me through it and also supporting her son/my husband through it.

Exactly the same here
Close with my mum, great relationship but nope to having her at my births!
Only wanted DH there.

My daughter asked me to be present at her first and second births. I was honoured to be asked. I was as helpful as possible, i hope i wasnt intrusive, i did what i would have wanted in her position. It was amazing to be there. 2nd birth was a water birth. Lovely memories. Have tears thinking about it, beautiful and such a privilege. Thanks for asking xx
Wasnt there for twins birth due to covid.

My mum worked in the hospital and was on night shift when I went into labour so she was with me a lot.
But I was 17 and my thankfully now ex partner was horrendous so I preferred having her anyway.

No I didn’t and wouldn’t have my mum there. We are very close and she definitely would have attended if I asked, but I would prefer to just be alone. DH was there but in an ideal world he wouldn’t have been 😂 I find it easier to deal with things like pain when I am alone.

To each their own but no way would I have wanted my mum at any of my babies births. It was bad enough she was buzzing around while I was in labour at home with my 2nd (childcare for the oldest). I am very selective about who is around when I am at my most vulnerable and she doesn’t make the cut as she’s too self centred.

I had my MIL with me for the birth of all my kids, my mum is complete child and hard work. MIL was more of a mum figure to me and was really good at pushing for what she knew I wanted and being listened to (I had quite quick labours so when they tried to turn me away she didn’t take no for an answer - 30 mins later my son was born!) didnt find it weird!

No. She would have been the absolute last person I would have wanted there. I would rather have had my dad there! I just had my husband.

Same.

Absolutely no ! She’s not good in any situation like that at all , she fusses and isn’t practical in any way whatsoever

That’s lovely if that’s what worked for you all and you sound really nice but I couldn’t help but smile to myself and think my partner wouldn’t have made it out the hospital alive if I’d heard him say he was overwhelmed and needed a breather 😂 saying that though you say the parents are young so I guess it’s probably a much different situation to a couple in their late 30s!

for our first my mother in law wanted to be ‘at the hospital’ as my husband apparently needed support too! I really don’t know what support she felt he would need or when she expected him to get it. Was he supposed to leave me alone to go out and get support from his mummy? Add to that, in our hospital the maternity ward is on the 6th floor and the bistro/canteen is in the basement so she wouldn’t exactly been close.

Thankfully my husband didn’t entertain such thoughts and it was just us both times.

This.
If she had been the only option I would rather it just be me and midwives. Truly.

I’d also say support needs varied across my two births. First one very long and I absolutely needed someone to advocate for me and be there and a feeling that someone was on my side. I was also on a lot of drugs. Second birth was very fast and a bit of a shock as we were prepared for a re-run of the first one. Could have very easily been a car park baby. Husband nearly missed it as he was faffing with the parking metre as it wasn’t accepting his coins and then got lost. I don't remember being that bothered as was totally in the zone and didn’t want anyone to touch or talk to me but fortunately he re-appeared just as the baby was coming out.

Absolutely not to my own mother. She’d have been a liability. I would for my own daughters if asked but would hope that they’d have loving and supporting partners so I wouldn’t be needed.

I find the spectator sport type approach really bizarre tbh. What do these people who hang around the hospital do if it’s a long birth? My first was 3 days. Surely just waiting for a call is much more sensible.

I don't like to chat or be touched when in labour either - I told DH that and he stopped. But what he was great for was advocating for me - when I knew labour was moving fast and the midwife has just wandered off because she thought I wasn't in labour, he went to get someone very fast and shouted for help. My mum would have told me to stop making a fuss.

He also put up with some highly specific snack requests and did a lot of runs to the hospital M&S