Family wedding with obligatory religion. What's an atheist to do?

The OP says 'I have been asked to read a specific prayer during the service.'
I don't think she's said, but I assume this is a God-referencing prayer, hence the dilemma.

You sound like me OP!😂
couldn’t bring myself to play along with this charade.

Why can’t you just offer hopes and well wishes for the couple’s marriage without referencing god?

Its surely good to model to your children that you can respectfully participate in other people’s traditions without compromising your values?

If you don't want to read a prayer out loud, just decline, I don't think you can substitute one of your own beliefs without running it past them. However reading something doesn't negate your own beliefs, Rishi Sunak read From New Testament at the Kings Coronation it is not his sacred scriptures. reading it didn't make him a Chrisitan nor did it stop him being a Hindu

As it's close family, I would plan to go.
Presumably he would understand if you say you're not a Christian so not available to offer a prayer.
You could stand up and say you are sending love and affection to the happy couple or something....
Could it be that there's a bit of a misunderstanding going on? Possibly they have invited people to come out and offer a prayer, but understand not everyone will actually do so.
I've never heard of compulsory individual public prayers.
It's likely there is a compromise out there somewhere; perhaps the intention has been relayed wrongly to you or , as an atheist, you have misunderstood something that's been said.

How awful!

Singing - fine
Individual prayers - hell no

@Tootoomooch I work in a part of the UK where humanist (and other) marriages are legal. I have a list of non-religious 'blessings' (and I appreciate that for some, even the word blessing is a step too far). I sometimes use the phrase "I invite you to silently offer your thoughts of love, your good wishes, your blessings or your prayers [to the happy couple as they make their vows] . I never instruct people to pray, but if they have a faith, they might do so without instruction or permission. If you're happy for me to PM you I can send you some examples.

If you're writing your own piece, using the word 'may' can be helpful (often found in buddhist prayers) e.g. "May your marriage be long and happy, may it be blessed by those you love. May your hands be always clasped in friendship and your hearts be always joined in love." You could add it something relevant to their faith and beliefs e.g. "May your faith in God be a strong foundation for your life together."

Do you already know what you might be asked to read? Are there apsects of it that you could re-work? e.g. if you've been asked to lead a prayer for 'family' or 'peace' can you offer something to the couple that covers similar ground but in words that you would be comfortable reading?

Having participated in integrated and inclusive religious/non-religious ceremonies, I 100% agree that you should not be asked to (nor should you agree to) read words which do not feel true and authentic to you, such as "I ask this in the name of... who gave his life..." I am sure that the couple hold truth, honesty and authenticity as part of their beliefs. Perhpas is you are pushed you could explain it in those terms?

Personally, I have no problem with 'amen' at the end of generalised non-theistic blessings. It origintes from 'truth' or 'certainty' and is often literally translated as 'so be it'. So if you can find authentic words, adding amen at the end endorses your genuine and heartfelt wishes, and may also help those with a faith to feel it like a religious prayer.

And as a final non-sequitur from all of the above. I was at a rock concert recently and along with the rest of the audience I was belting out the lyrics which were swery and anarchist. I was just in the moment!

Personally, if I was being pressured to that extent I wouldn’t be going to the wedding. I’d feel like a hypocrite and in contradiction to my own beliefs.

Don't go to the church ceremony will be the choice for a atheist. Going to the ceremony will be the choice for an atheist that was brought in that particular religion until they stop believing and although they don't believe they understand it is important in their family etc, etc. Praying specifics out loud for a non believer is not a choice in my opinion because is pure fake. No need for them to ask, no need for you to do it.

I am not a Christian but know a lot of hymns from school and don’t mind joining in with the singing. However my DC (grown ups) wouldn’t ever sing a hymn and none of us would join in prayers. We would however stand and behave respectively. Instead of a prayer for them I would say something like ‘I hope you have a long, healthy and happy marriage’.

Either decline the invite or bite your tongue and attend. Don't make it about you

Go and do what’s being asked, or don’t go. I’d just go to the evening event, I tend to do that anyway.

It's different in Hinduism as it isn't dogmatic and you don't worship/obey the gods as you do in Christianity.

This is very sensible.
I'm agnostic and I always sit politely quiet through hymns and prayers. Bow my head when everyone else does, but I don't pray or say, 'Amen'.
I'd do what the OP has done and offer a secular reading instead.

The difference between this and, say, a Winnie the Pooh reading is that for WtP you don't have to believe in anything.

I think I would feel similarly to you here. Is there a happy medium? Could you go along with most of it but draw the line at being asked to offer prayers?

Not quite the same thing obviously, but we had a humanist naming ceremony for DS instead of a baptism - obviously there were no prayers so we set up a wish jar, and everybody wrote down a wish for DS that he can read when he grows up. Could you perhaps do something similar as a wedding gift with your partner and DC? It would be a such a thoughtful present and a bit of a peace offering in lieu of joining in the prayers!

A prayer is a religious script.
The OP says she will be given one to read. She wasn’t asked to make one up.

I attend church and pray silently and in communal prayer with words written down. It's not in my tradition to pray extemporaneously out loud. I'd go to the service but decline to make up prayers, or share one I'd found in a book.
I do sing words that I don't 100% agree with on occasion - for some reason I find this less difficult than joining in speaking I don't agree with.
But you are not alone in finding this odd and hard, even if you only count Christians!

Who is going to be policing the praying/singing? Just don't participate .

I'm a non believer but do like a good hymn to participate in.

If it's insincere and false to hope the couple have a happy healthy life together, which is probably all the prayer entails, then why are they going at all?

They weren't asked to read scripture, that's a different thing

Can you say that you are atheists so a prayer would be insincere and false. But would you be willing to say some non religious words to give them your love and best wishes?

I think it’s perfectly valid to attend but not take part in the praying out loud bit (I’m a Christian, organise weddings and have never heard of such a thing, I’d run a mile too!!!) joining in the singing, or at least pretending to is fine as an ask, though I suspect it won’t be ordinary hymns so unless they are providing teaching tracks I’d be at a loss myself on that direction.

dont make a huge thing of it, just say you are happy and excited to come along to see them marry but aren’t comfortable with participating because as you are aware we are atheists.

I think you’re over thinking this.
If you’re a true atheist then presumably a prayer is just a series of words which have no meaning to you. Not too dissimilar to when you’re asked to do a reading at a non-religious wedding.

I was asked to step in and do a reading recently. The theme was not my thing, but the bride was delighted. It doesn’t mean anything to me, and I didn’t particularly like the reading - but it’s not my wedding. It was important to the bride & groom so I happily obliged. Attending someone’s wedding is about being a part of the celebration in the way they chose.
I’ve also attended Christian & Muslim weddings. I myself am of no faith. I still participated in the religious and cultural practices.

They are being incredibly rude asking you to read a religious script knowing you are atheist. They are not respecting your views.
I would decline reading a prayer and remind them you are atheist. I wouldn’t offer an alternative. Just say no.

I think your last post puts a very different light on it.

Prior to that, I'd assumed that he was just letting people know that is the practice in his Church and people are very welcome to offer a prayer or blessing out loud at some point during the service.

It seems particularly strange for a Christian to ask someone they know is an atheist to read a prayer.
I would really say to him "I can't read the prayer mate as it goes against my beliefs. Why don't you get someone who is a Christian to read it, so that you know it is being said sincerely ? I am happy to come to your Church and be respectful, understanding your faith is important to you, but I would be a bizarre choice as a non-believer to be asked to read a prayer".

I'm speaking as a Christian who would want any prayers said during my wedding to be sincere. It's just such an odd thing he has asked of you, and needs someone to point out that which is pretty obvious to everyone else.