Family wedding with obligatory religion. What's an atheist to do?

No way. This is ridiculously intrusive. I’d be saying I’m not going at all.

I am happy to sing in church (not sure everyone is happy to hear my singing!) quite like a hymn, from a tune point of view. Sit quietly when prayers are said. If I had to say something individual, I would give them a blessing, but it wouldn't be religious in any way, so something like another poster said, wishing them a long and happy marriage

But the person asking knows op is an atheist (and everyone I know does too) - so if they’ve asked it then they are also aware I don’t believe it. Now they could be doing it for other reasons - they don’t want their church community to know OP isn’t a believer for example - and I really couldn’t care less. If later someone were to ask me what church I go to I would happily tell them I don’t and why

To illustrate a different perspective, I am a regular church goer.

Sometimes people have christenings where the guests are really rude during the service. Like, they’d be annoying if they were at a cinema, for example.

It’s possible the couple have seen similar rudeness at events in the past and want to avoid it. Seems a bit heavy handed though, given they’ve presumably not invited anyone that’s rude.

Participating is fine, if you're comfortable with what you have been asked to do. Nobody should have to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable though.

I wouldn't want to say a fake prayer, personally. To me, it would feel very disrespectful towards the beliefs of those who actually follow a religion.

We've been asked - but it feels more like an instruction - to join the singing and to offer individual prayers for the couple (out loud, in front of the assembled masses).

FTS. You are under no obligation @Tootoomooch . With such a request/instruction I'd probably be somewhat glib with my no can do. I suppose it depends how much the relationship means to you and how bothered you'll be by potential resulting consequences.

Hire the choir ☺️

Yeah, I get it, but I wouldn't do that personally. Happy to go along to witness their religious ceremony - regardless of which faith it is - but not going to pretend that I buy into it in any way.

I think this is really sad. I am an atheist and have attended beautiful Jewish, Muslim and Sikh weddings as well as Christian weddings of various denominations, and participated in many. Shutting yourself off from people who think differently from you is just so closed-minded.

Bloody hell, I go to church but there's no way I'd want to do this at a wedding!

How about this Celtic Blessing:

Peace of the running water to you,
Peace of the flowing air to you,
Peace of the quiet earth to you,
Peace of the shining stars to you,
And the love and the care from us all to you.

Surely if you don't believe it, it's just words like any other song or poem. I don't agree with the sentiment of some pop songs, but I'll still sing along.

I suppose I see it as supporting them in their delusion

Nothing worse than when no one signs hymns at a wedding, its really awful.

Individual prayers. Step too far.

I wouldn't say that personally because it wouldn't be genuine. I can't hope that God blesses anything because I don't think God is real. But I could say "may your marriage be a long and happy one" or something along those lines.

But Groomzilla has 'requested' people participate in singing and praying.

Just politely opt out of the prayers etc on the grounds that you're not Christian. Tell them in advance you'll be doing so. Then if they want to disinvite you based on that you'll probably be quite relieved!

I was brought up as a church going Christian and took my religion pretty seriously.
But it's many years now since I became an aethiest, albeit still admiring some of the more socialist and benign Christian teachings.
I'm afraid it was the behaviour of quite a lot of committed Christians that disillusioned me. And someone that demanded people to stand up and say prayers for him and his bride whether they were believers or not, or if they were believers but weren't comfortable with doing this, would be one of the people that would really put me off organised religion.
I would sing the hymns - and possibly enjoy them. But would not say an individual prayer.

@TootoomoochIt would depend. I’m an atheist too. I would happily go and sing some hymns- although I would put money on them being those awful , dirge like modern hymns that overtly devout Christians (maybe he ought to check what Jesus said about that)seem to go for. Make me a Channel of your Peace springs to mind. Then I would either just give my good wishes when asked to pray. Or, depending on the level of badness I felt, I would find a couple of lines of poetry-I’ll help you look for something. Or Khalil Gibran. They probably won’t like him.

You need to decline the invitation. Say 'it appears that it's going to be VERY religious, with prayers, and bible reading and everything. As a staunch atheist, I'm not comfortable coming sorry. All the best though. Hope you have a good day!'

I could probably get on board with the singing. Though it might depend on the choice of hymns. If I didn't feel comfortable with it, I would just stand respectfully while letting everyone else get on with it.

With regards to the individual prayer, this is a bizarre request from someone who knows that you're atheist, but to keep the peace, I would go along with it in a non-religious way - just expressing my hopes for the happy couple without any reference to any god. "May you be happy and healthy" type thing.

I’m Jewish, but I end up attending lots of things in church. It’s just about honouring the couple and their marriage with your presence. You don’t have to join in, but also I wouldn’t make a big deal of it. I don’t personally say the prayers or sing the hymns, but I’m happy to sit and stand and bow my head in respect as requested. You can just say you aren’t comfortable doing a prayer if it’s super prayer-y. Alternatively, you can offer to do a non-religious reading if they are happy to select one.

I don’t really have an issue with saying ‘I hope God blesses your marriage’ or whatever they are expecting because for them that would be important and to me it would be meaningless

but if someone said that to me at my wedding I would find it inappropriate because I don’t believe in their god so it’s a meaningless sentiment

I am atheist and go to Irish catholic weddings/funerals etc and just do not do any of the singing/praying etc that comes with it. It really is not a fuss to sit there and just NOT get involved while respecting others choices.

I agree with this.

Is this Groomzilla ? 🤣