Family wedding with obligatory religion. What's an atheist to do?

the c of e vicar read Khalil Gibran at my sib's wedding back in the early 70's.

I do feel uncomfortable and and a bit annoyed having my views so obviously disregarded.

I don’t see why when you’re doing exactly the same to them.

I have no intention of actively raising it with the happy couple or refusing to go. Sorry for those spoiling for a fight!

You call it a fight, I call it communication. Just a quick, 'if it's OK I'm doing a thought not a prayer. just wanted you to know'.

Im not religious either but fgs suck it up. It’s not about you. Stop being such a ridiculous drama queen.

I think your offer to say something non religious but equally spiritual is entirely reasonable.

I don’t think there is any sentiment in a prayer that comes from someone who firmly doesn’t believe, so you saying a prayer that you don’t believe in won’t have the intended effect anyway.

If they know you are a committed atheist why on earth would they ask you to do this?! Are they trying to make a point?

I'm a militant atheist. I would personally sing, but I wouldn't pray. I'd bow my head whilst other people prayed because I'm not a nob, but there's no way I'd participate. It doesn't need to be a drama. Just sit quietly and let them crack on. If they specifically want a prayer from you say 'no sorry it goes against my beliefs, but I'm wishing you lots of happiness and health'. If you don't want to sing, just mime. People do that anyway as not everyone likes singing! I think for me things like individual prayer or communion feel very personal and 'too' religious, whereas I don't have an issue participating in other people's cultures to be honest. It's just respectful.

I obviously think religion is nonsense, but it's still good for children to be aware of different beliefs and to practice tolerance and acceptance.

This person is a close family member and the relationship is important to me.

This is the crux of it OP. Your atheism is not less valid than his theism but it is his wedding day and (from what you have said) you want to support your family member and share in their joy. You don't need to make a big deal over the fact that you don't believe in God, you don't need to offer prayers, you just need to be there for them and give them your love and best wishes.

I'm not sure why you would feel uncomfortable with your children watching you participate in a religious ceremony. If they know that you don't believe in God, they will understand that you are there in order to honor your relative. It's a good lesson for kids to understand that we don't all have to believe in the same things in order to be tolerant and respectful of each other.

I'm a Christian and I'd feeling uncomfortable doing this. I hate public speaking and forced, trite messages. Ugh. I'd politely decline when asked. 'I'd rather not thanks, wish you all the best'

I wouldn’t participate, but - if you are able - speaking in tongues and having your head spin round could conceivably steal the day…

It's such an odd and visceral reaction to have to a very close family member. Not to explain how they feel and find a solution - first reaction was to tell him to fuck off. So unnecessarily nasty.

I just go along with things like that happily. After all they mean nothing to me but they are making someone else happy so not a problem. It's just like acting really.

It’s probably my years of singing in various choirs but I wouldn’t have an issue with singing hymns (or anything else) provided I actually knew them. I don’t really class that as following religious practice IYSWIM.

I wouldn’t be joining in or offering religious prayers. I would stand / sit (depending on circumstances) quietly during that bit, and I think the idea of offering a non-religious reading is a good one

I love a good sing song, and happy to join in with hymns, despite life-long atheism.

The prayer bit, I'd just say something non religious.

And think about it this way - where would we be if religious people only invited fellow religious people to their weddings on the grounds only members of their own group should participate in a religious service? It's not exactly a better outcome.

@Tootoomooch If it’s unreasonably intrusive, yet you won’t speak to the couple and are attending whatever, there’s no solution is there! Just say whatever is required. You are not going to change it and clearly the couple think it’s ok to ask everyone. If they mean a lot to you, it’s a shame you cannot speak to each other! Family members do speak by the way, without fighting.

I would interpret these requests in my own way. Do you know the hymns they're having? If you don't know them, you can't sing them. Just stand up along with everyone else and sit down again at the end. Who's going to notice?

The public prayers I would interpret as a brief speech of well wishes and hopes for the future.

"We hope that Sally and Peter will live a long and happy life together supported by the love of their friends, family and their God*" pause for religious folks to say 'amen'

*their god, not yours

YABU and being churlish. Just stand up when other people do and keep your mouth closed if you don’t want to sing/pray etc.

But do not make this about you and your atheism. It’s not your day. If you feel that strongly about it don’t attend. But don’t act like a dick when you’re there.

Be prepared if you misbehave for your relative to drop you after the wedding.

Why bother inviting atheists to a wedding if you want everyone offering individual prayers? Just ask the religious ones. Personally I would not go, especially if DC are involved, what sort of hypocrisy makes a parent pretend to say a religious prayer in front of DC who presumably know they are non-believers.

I would reply with ‘As you know we aren’t religious so won’t be saying a prayer but absolutely happy to voice our well wishes for you both during the ceremony.’

This. Frankly I'd feel I was utterly disrespectful of someone else's faith if I was pretending.

In a pinch you could compromise with this? But I'd be sitting at the back and thinking about my shopping list mostly.

Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Did you read the OP. She is being asked to stand individually and pray. That's the whole point.

She says:

We've been asked - but it feels more like an instruction - to join the singing and to offer individual prayers for the couple (out loud, in front of the assembled masses).

Read a poem if pressed to do something. Surely not the entire congregation is going to do a personal prayer, though? Will take forever!

If the ceremony is structured so that you will have an unavoidable "turn to speak" could you manage to say something like "if there is any kind of benevolent spiritual being who can affect our lives and hear our words, then I thoroughly commend (harry & sally) to that being's love and care, but if there isn't then more immediately evident is the love and respect in which we all here present hold (harry & sally) in our hearts, and I and I am sure everyone here wish them all the very best of health, good fortune and happiness on whatever the road of live brings them in the years ahead."