Family wedding with obligatory religion. What's an atheist to do?

We've been asked - but it feels more like an instruction - to join the singing and to offer individual prayers for the couple (out loud, in front of the assembled masses).

No-one will know if you're singing or not. Mime - or not. Up to you.

I couldn't offer a "prayer". I don't know what one is really. I could honestly and heartfully say "I wish you the happiest, closest, most successful marriage" without making it about god or religion or anything. It's thinking good thoughts, isn't it?

(edit as double post)

basically good humouredly it's their day - they aren't asking you to sacrifice your first born on the altar.....

I think that your decision to decline to say a prayer (but perhaps say something else if the groom agrees) is the right one. I’ve attended several ceremonies of religions that I don’t believe in and I just sit and stand when everyone else does and am respectful of their beliefs. But I don’t participate in the ceremony.

I'd treat it a bit like if I'd been asked to a wedding as part of a different culture - follow the norms but adapt them a little. If it's the norm to pin money on the dress I'd do that, if it's the norm to do endless drunken toasts - I'd do that (though I'd just sip as I'm a lightweight), asked to do a prayer I'd find some words that gave my best and heartfelt real wishes to the couple and ignore the god bit....

A postscript to my previous post: Are any of the other likely attendees Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, etc? Will they be asked to pretend to understand Christian songs and pray in Jesus's name, or will they be allowed to do something in line with their own religious tradition? Because if it's the latter, I don't see how they can object to you delivering a secular message. Indeed, have they even taken this into account? Can you gently ask maybe?

I wouldn’t read Christian prayer but would offer to read something from literature or Life Or Brian or not at all. It’s up to him.

Omg.

Don't go to the ceremony then. It's easy.

nope if it was me I would skip the church part and only go to the reception

Yep - like others i could do the singing I think but there's something about reading out prayers that does seem different tio me. Its s powerful thing (psychologically) to participate in spiritual/religious ritual. I might go, do the singing and then just stay quiet for the prayers i think. I doubt anyone will be checking who's participating properly on that (if they are then i think i'd get out of there).

Dave Allen:

"May your God go with you"

What do they mean for individual prayers for the couple? Is it something you have to write yourself? If it wishing the couple well for the future or similar I could do that and no need to mention god. I am not religious but would be able to mumble along as everyone does to the hymns ect

I think you’re making this bigger than it needs to be.
I’ve attended an Indian wedding (Hindu) and just gone along with the religious aspects of those services. Didn’t understand what most of it was about, but the point was I was invited to share a special day with people I cared about.
Just go through the motions, and don’t overthink it. It’ll mean something to them even if it means nothing to you, and it’s THEIR day.

Or
Extract from A Native American Wedding Ceremony:

May the sun bring you new happiness by day;
May the moon softly restore you by night;
May the rain wash away your worries
And the breeze blow new strength into your being,
And all the days of your life
May you walk gently through the world
and know its beauty.

Could you quote a poem?
Something like
Fidelity - D.H. Lawrence
Man and woman are like the Earth, that brings forth flowers
in summer, and love, but underneath is rock.
Older than flowers, older than ferns, older than foraminiferae,
older than plasm altogether is the soul underneath.
And when, throughout all the wild chaos of love
slowly a gem forms, in the ancient, once-more-molten rocks
of two human hearts, two ancient rocks,
a man’s heart and a woman’s,
that is the crystal of peace, the slow hard jewel of trust,
the sapphire of fidelity.

Tarnation! I was going to suggest exactly this.

As an atheist my view on this is that people are entitled to have whatever type of wedding ceremony they choose, however, you are also perfectly within your rights to decline the invitation, or attend and not participate in religiosity. I think provided you forewarn the couple that you wont be singing or reciting religious passages but are happy to just silently witness others doing so, then the ball is entirely in the couple's court as to whether they would still like you to attend.

If they absolutely insist that the invitation is conditional upon active participation, then I'd be subtly telling them to ram it.

why is my atheism any less valid than his theism
He doesn't have a "theism" in opposition to your atheism. He believes some combination of things from some version of the Bible, and organises his life around those (perhaps more or less, depending on how badly they get in the way).

Atheism is generally a position that people consciously choose. Certainly that was historically the case, because becoming an atheist meant that you left your parents' religion. Meanwhile religious people typically don't consciously choose their position — they are mostly educated into it from birth. Even converts become converts by picking up a religion to fill a gap in their lives — nobody becomes a Catholic with all the dogma from scratch by empirical observation.

As a fellow atheist, I think it's up to us to take the high road and not be dicks about it. Just "smile and wave" like the Madagascar penguins. You are not being somehow victimised for your atheism here. Nobody is going to check that there are actual words coming out of your mouth when you "sing". If you have to say a prayer out loud, just express some warm and upbeat sentiments for the happy couple without mentioning Jesus. You're not dealing with some kind of primitive tribe who will turn on you for blasphemy — every single person in attendance will have friends who are not religious and will have dealt with those friends in borderline-religious situations (e.g., saying grace when non-religious guests are present).

tl;dr What @BridgetofKildare said. (Or pretend you are being invited to an Arsenal-themed wedding when you don't like football.)

I have to say, I don't believe they are Christians at all. If they were, they would not have asked you to pray, because a true believer knows that we are to worship God in spirit and in Truth, not in pretence - the Bible says 'if I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me'. Because you are unrepentant of your sin, your prayers would be in vain, and they should know that. A true believer would want true worship of God at their wedding, not a farce.

The only prayer that God would hear from you is prayer of repentance from sin and faith in Christ.

If they know you are an atheist I find it beyond odd that they would ask you to take part.

As an active Christian I think this is very strange thing for a true Christian to ask. They SHOULD know that accepting or rejecting Jesus is a personal choice. Making non Christians sing hymns and especially pray is pointless.
Suggest you just "goldfish" both.

Maybe they don't actually wish the couple well, if they can't imagine openly stating that they do?

Yep

If the OP would sing along to one of those pop songs that's anything but romantic if you actually listen to the lyrics, at a non Christian wedding, why not bash out a hymn? It's just a song

A well wish is just a prayer by another name. Bet the OP has "prayed" LOADS. Never blown out a birthday candle? Sent someone a card with a four leaf clover on it for a big exam etc?

The OP did make a comment above about wanting THEIR beliefs recognised so I think there's a whole attention grab thing going on. Someone else's wedding is not the time for that.

Just attend, sing the songs, and make the “prayers” a simple reading about how lovely the couple are, and how you hope that they enjoy their marriage and life together going forward.
Prayers don’t have to start with a reference to their religion’s Omnipotent Being, yours can just be from the bottom of your heart and therefore without any whiff of hypocrisy

His religious belief trumps your non-belief on this occasion because it's his wedding, not yours. If you don't believe any of it, it's just words and songs - isn't it?

Rather than a prayer could you just wish them the best for the future, etc, etc (with an amen muttered at the end if you really have to).

Oh reading a prayer is easy, particularly if you are an actor, just treat it like any other script, If you had to do it in a role I'm sure you would give it your all! And it is a role for a day.