Family wedding with obligatory religion. What's an atheist to do?

just find a song and quote it! I’m thinking of Pete from Gavin & Stacey “lights will guiiiiiide you home, and igniiiite yor bones” etc!

The OP hasn't been asked to recite the Nicene Creed

It'll be something like:
We pray that the couples love grow with the support of their community, the community of their church, their joined families, and the wider community

There is nothing disingenuous about a non believer saying or meaning that sort of thing

Maybe it's just me, or maybe others feel the same as I do.

Others may have different reasons for opting out. And yes, some may be using the atheism as an excuse when their actual reason might be fear of public speaking or not being arsed or whatever. We are all different.

But you seemed to be implying that the reason atheists might object to reading a prayer is because they may secretly believe, or perhaps fear, that God is real. That seems quite a stretch to me. But perhaps I've misunderstood what you were trying to say?

Of course atheists go to religious weddings, christenings, funerals etc. You sit and stand as instructed, are quiet when the religious leader is talking, mumble along to the singing bit, clap when appropriate etc. This is just basic politeness.

Being asked to read a pre-scripted prayer is clearly several steps beyond the above though. I would refuse because I consider it disrespectful to the religion and quite dishones. I am not a good liar.

A good friend had a civil wedding in a fancy venue, and then a religious blessing straight after. Neither bride nor groom were religious or attended church, they just thought it was weddingy and would make for nice photos. I quietly ducked out for that bit, as I just thought it was wrong. No drama, nobody noticed.

Not all prayers are declarations of belief. And the ones that are are usually reserved for the fully baptised/converted, not the type of prayers wedding guests would be saying to/at the couple

But now we are straying into "that's just you" 😀

And just as some people use their "religion" as a reason to do/not-do something they personally want/dont-want to, it's entirely possible some atheists may be using their "atheism" in the same vein. After all it's not like they will be smitten.

I'm agnostic and really bristle at performative and earnest religious expression.

However, I don't see that reading a prayer for a wedding couple is the same as espousing it. You're reading a prayer on their behalf for them, not for you. You're not endorsing it as your belief system. You're saying, "My family members have a faith and I'm respecting they want it incorporated into their ceremony."

I've also learned that my strident agnosticism has had strains of selfish arrogance running through it. The older I get, the less strident I become in showing off my heresy. It's not capitulation, rather self-confidence in my own opinions.

I don't think there is any harm in praying per se. Even if you don't believe in it.

But personally, I would feel uncomfortable about performative praying in front of people who knew that I thought it was meaningless. Not because I secretly think God might be real (surely that would be a reason to pray, rather than a reason to avoid it?) but because I would feel that it was very disrespectful for me to put up a pretence of sharing their cherished beliefs when I clearly didn't. It would feel like I was taking the piss out of them, which I wouldn't want to do. I'm not religious myself but I have no desire to mock the faiths of other people.

Then act. Treat it as a script. Presumably you’re not such a devout atheist that you would refuse to play a character of faith?

Otherwise come up with a different reading that would suit you both.

Does this relative know you as well as you think they do? It seems an odd thing to do if you know someone is a strident atheist.

(I didn’t get that situation from your OP at all, btw.)

I would just sit/stand silently during those times. Maybe mumble along to a few hymns if I knew them but I would absolutely not pray, that is out of line to expect people who don't believe to do that.

Are people serious or just being obnoxious?

Everyone "prays"
Unless you've never told anyone you've got your fingers and toes crossed for their interview, or sent well wishes to the ill, or hoped that someone had a happy birthday!

That's all it is

The OP could absolutely offer a "prayer" to the couple regardless of religious beliefs

And that’ll teach me not to RTFT before commenting, @SerendipityJane😊

Why do you have to take part in something you do not believe in? That doesn't sound right at all.

I am Muslim, when I got married I had a huge wedding and ceremony and invited lots of people as I know and have family and friends from other religions and my partner has family relations with atheists as well.

People did whatever they wanted to do and during the religious part at the beginning, no one was instructed to do anything at all...

My partner and I were the only ones who had to do a short prayer as a marriage blessing.

If you do not believe in something, then you shouldn't have to 'play along' - your close family member who is getting married should understand and not put you in that position x

As someone who never sings (I have a bit of a phobia about it), just mouth the words of the hymns.
When it comes to the words, just wish them a long and happy marriage, and if you’re feeling brave add, in the words of Dave Allen (if you’re old enough to know who he was), “and may your God go with you”.

Just voice your good wishes for the couple in their life together, literally the only thing you need to do. No need to mention God

Very unreasonable of the couple to insist on this. Joining in hymns is one thing, nobody will notice if you're miming or just humming, but expecting you to pray out loud is crazy. I'm a Christian but the idea of that service makes me cringe.
I'd go and politely decline to perform.

Singing a celebratory song and saying a well wish isn't religious, it's universal surely?

Normally, I think you should just be quiet and respectful of others' religious beliefs at a wedding, but practically demanding that guests sing and offer prayers in public is a lot to ask! I'm a Christian, but I wouldn't be comfortable being asked to pray aloud in front of a group as part of someone's wedding. I've never heard of such a thing! This isn't about them being Christian. It's just very odd behaviour.

I’m a Christian. I find it odd that you’ve been asked to do this given you are an atheist. I think it is absolutely appropriate for you to politely decline.

I doubt that they're wanting anything that involved. Would take all day if multiplied by the whole congregation

One sentence like "I wish you both prosperity and health" etc is prob more like it

Not sure the OP does though?

Maybe go for a Dave-Allen style, ‘May your God go with you’?

The bride and groom are completely out of line. Not everyone invited will have the same beliefs and to expect everyone to participate religiously rather than passively watch a religious ceremony is completely unacceptable and entitled, not to mention disrespectful of the beliefs of their guests. Surely some people there will have different religious persuasions?

Atheism is generally a position that people consciously choose.

Literally it is a statement that there is no god. Nada. Nothing. It's only logical expression is that any any all acts of devotion to a supernatural being are a total waste of time as they cannot influence anything in the universe. And the logical extent of that is that taking part in any religious ceremony is useless for the purpose that believers ascribe to it. (So a little like voting then 😀). With all the nonsense out of the way "praying" for an atheist is just a waste of good drinking time. But there can't be any harm in it.

Unless there is a god ....

This. Are you quite sure that you’ve not misunderstood ? Is this church in the UK?

Do you think he would ask OP to read a Christian prayer if she had converted to Judaism or Islam? I very much doubt it. Non-belief is as valid as belief and should be equally respected.