To not know how on earth I can go back to work?

Yes, I worked mostly evenings too when my children were little. We didn't have family around and couldn't afford childcare so I worked 3 evenings and 2 mornings a week at a local colllege. It was admin for community learning classes so was term time only
One of the mornings my friend took my youngest to a mum and toddler group with her little one (the other 2 were at school) and I paid for one morning a week with a childminder
My husband would come in from work about 6/6.15pm and I'd head straight out to work 6.30-9.30pm

I was in this position. Rural Scotland. Couldn't move in nearer jobs etc as property cost so much more to move in nearer towns/cities. OP good luck with this (as I didn't find an answer) x

Classroom assistant? Here in Northern Ireland we are crying out for assistants (I'm a primary school teacher) and no qualifications are currently needed. It may be different in the rest of the UK though.

Childminding would be an option or dog walking/pet sitting. Can you retrain and do some beauty stuff? Eyelashes/nails/waxing - you could do that flexibly and if you are that rural then you'd probably be in demand.

Can you work weekends or nights ?
Your DH looks after the children

Can your family help with childcare? If they can’t or won’t then it’s pointless living near them and you might as well move.

the trouble is, everybody is looking for these unicorn jobs at the moment… something that’s desk based, that I can do from home within school hours so I don’t have to pay for childcare and also only have to work during term time all for a grand salary of “whatever they decided if some that they need to live”… oh yes and also can I be five minutes on the road so I don’t have to drive and I can just walk to work?!!

These jobs don’t really exist because that’s not how the world works unfortunately… and if they do, they are very few and far between.
Something HAS to give whether that’s the fact that it’s not a desk based job, the fact that you might need some sort of child care and you may need to work all year around. I work all year round until 9 to 5 job and I seem to make it work, as does everyone else I work with.

To top up your wages you could apply to be an exam invigilator, you’d be surprised at how much work there is over the school year in a big busy comprehensive. You choose your hours (it’s basically a zero type hours contract), not great wages but would top up what you currently earn.

Can you train in something, look at the website Successful Mums, they offer training and support

How old are your children now, just wondering how long this is potentially a problem for?

holiday childcare is something that I budget for across the whole year, it’s not just an August cost, working a year round job with more hours will up your monthly income, you set aside some of that each month so that during the holidays you have the money available for the holiday club. I use an Ofsted registered club so am able to use the govt childcare vouchers scheme (got in before the scheme closed years ago), you would be able to use the taxfree childcare scheme which tops up what you put in by 20% up to a set l8mit, so that reduces the childcare cost by 20%.

But you would be earning more the rest of the year…

I said flexible. I didn’t say easy.

What about applying to be an Amazon/Evri driver where you choose your own days/hours? Can work around your other commitments.

Could you look at jobs within a school setting?
How about evening or weekend work?
its not ideal, but lots of families do this.

Exactly. Sorry but you are trying to have your cake and eat it.

But it's only going to cost more for holiday care for the 3-4 weeks a year you can't cover with annual leave. For the rest of the year you'll be quids in. I'm assuming your children are school age and you're not paying for nursery, if you are that's a different story.

I think a huge part of the problem is living rurally with a DH who works long hours. And there seems to be no questioning of his right to work these long hours with no restrictions due to childcare.

Using your salary to pay for childcare only makes no sense too.

It feels like exactly the set up where all money needs to go into a central pot and be allocated from there. Necessary where one person’s earning capacity is so reduced by agreed circumstances.

Then you can stop looking at your own job options in terms of whether you alone can pay childcare expenses for them. Can your DH ever work from home?

Are you able to access any help for you anxiety so that this ceases to be such an impediment to so many jobs? Rather than just accepting it as a given.

I feel like you need to look at removing some of these obstacles rather than trying to work around them all.

It sounds like you’re a lunchtime supervisor? One option is volunteering at the school to get a better opportunity for any TA jobs that come up. Won’t solve the money side but you wouldn’t be as bored.

What about twilight hours in a Supermarket, 8pm to midnight or 2am?

I also worked evenings and weekends when my children were small. Then moved onto a nightshift job when I was made redundant suddenly and had to find something asap. That way we had no need for childcare at all. Nightshift pay was a little extra which helped and I could sleep in the day while kids were at school

If you aren't able to receive any benefits than household income must be great

In your situation when I had four children and was married I worked evenings and nights around my then husband youl have to do the same probably

That is not an easy option - particularly if you're anxious already! I did the initial interview and assessment and failed - despite having good typing skills and 15 years experience as a staff nurse

I have just suggested an evening job, where you wouldn't need childcare?

No, you’re the one with the pet unicorn!