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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a Christmas one. Sorry guys.

36 replies

Cravey · 07/08/2025 13:27

Every year we host Christmas. We live quite far from everyone so it’s a stay for almost everyone, all fine, we have the room. This year a nephew has a new girlfriend, very new, however he seems to think the open invite will include her, I’ve not met her yet and so said to dh ( it’s his sisters son ) that I won’t be asking her to stay as like I said we don’t know her. Dh has passed this onto his sister who is now wanting us all to meet up. Fair enough we will see them all at a family wedding and can meet the girl then. However this morning his sister proceeded to tell me oh yes she lovely and her children are so lovely too. I’m like wtf, 3 kids that she seems to think will simply slot in over Xmas and be no trouble. I’ve made it very clear there’s no room for an extra 3. She’s just texted dh asking if we will put towards an Airbnb for them. I’ve told him absolutely not, this is not our responsibility and nephew is 27 with a bloody job. Sister in law is now having a strop and bleating to all about how she can’t come without her son. I’ve said fine don’t come, dh ( idiot ) is now feeling guilty. Please tell me I’m not wrong on this one.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Cravey · 07/08/2025 16:34

MaryGreenhill · 07/08/2025 16:10

Those poor children

I said the same to my sister. Poor kids rocking up to a house full of strangers. However I honestly think sister in law has done all of this off her own back. Nephew had already told her he would be spending Xmas with his girlfriend, typical sil to be fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cravey · 07/08/2025 16:19

PennyAnnLane · 07/08/2025 15:57

Surely the girlfriend and three children will not want to be in someone else’s family Christmas, don’t they have their own family or want to be at home?

Nephew told me his mum didn’t even ask him, just went ahead and put her order in here ffs. He’s adamant if he’s still with the girl he will be spending it with her. Either way the beds have just been booked for others so no room at my inn this year.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cravey · 07/08/2025 16:18

Littlejellyuk · 07/08/2025 15:12

Where os the laughing emoji when you need it? Oh yes that's right...
😆 🤣 😂
I love this thread.

We do our own thing at Xmas, and it works for us, especially after both me and hubby lost our mums. Its just myself, hubby and our DS for Xmas dinner now, and we go out every year, so it's nice.

You do what works best for you. Your SIL sounds like a hard face cow 🐮
She may try and worm her invite back in November (if she has nowhere else to go) 😬

Show quote history

No matter what she’s not coming. I’ve a lovely pal and hubby who I’ve just invited and they’ve said yes please. So her bed has just been booked. Shame that. I’ve laid the law down with dh too. To be honest he mostly puts up with her so he’s not too fussed.

OP posts:
swampwitch0 · 07/08/2025 16:15

Omg.
YANBU!!!!

MaryGreenhill · 07/08/2025 16:10

Those poor children

PennyAnnLane · 07/08/2025 15:57

Surely the girlfriend and three children will not want to be in someone else’s family Christmas, don’t they have their own family or want to be at home?

Littlejellyuk · 07/08/2025 15:12

Cravey · 07/08/2025 14:45

What a result. Sister in law is staying home this year. I’ve put idiot husband straight and told him she says she’s not coming, so no matter what, she is not coming. I’ve spoken to the nephew who also told me his mum is batshit, he had already told her he would be spending it with the new girl if they are still together. I’m totally convinced that’s pushed his mum over her very thin ledge and that’s where the request came from. So not only is she a cheeky cow, she’s also trying to force her son’s hand. One less for dinner this year. My own sister will be thrilled, she can’t stand sil 😅

Where os the laughing emoji when you need it? Oh yes that's right...
😆 🤣 😂
I love this thread.

We do our own thing at Xmas, and it works for us, especially after both me and hubby lost our mums. Its just myself, hubby and our DS for Xmas dinner now, and we go out every year, so it's nice.

You do what works best for you. Your SIL sounds like a hard face cow 🐮
She may try and worm her invite back in November (if she has nowhere else to go) 😬

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 07/08/2025 14:58

Anxioustealady · 07/08/2025 13:35

I was picturing a teenage couple and thought you were being a bit harsh but it's your house, then 3 kids? 27 years old? No it's too much, and asking you to pay towards the Airbnb is ridiculous.

Do you pay for all the food and drink you serve at Christmas? I'm guessing for that many people over a couple days it's a huge expense and they're being very entitled to assume they can add 4 people you don't know and make you pay.

This. With big Christmas baubles on.

Notonthestairs · 07/08/2025 14:55

Cravey · 07/08/2025 14:45

What a result. Sister in law is staying home this year. I’ve put idiot husband straight and told him she says she’s not coming, so no matter what, she is not coming. I’ve spoken to the nephew who also told me his mum is batshit, he had already told her he would be spending it with the new girl if they are still together. I’m totally convinced that’s pushed his mum over her very thin ledge and that’s where the request came from. So not only is she a cheeky cow, she’s also trying to force her son’s hand. One less for dinner this year. My own sister will be thrilled, she can’t stand sil 😅

That explains a lot!

ellie09 · 07/08/2025 14:48

Um, no.

I always spent Christmas at my mums house, but this time with DP moving in etc and an ASD DS, I have told my parents and his parents that for the foreseeable, we will be having our own Christmas Day.

I thought this was a standard thing to do once you are attached to someone or have kids. Or at least if you are invited, you find a way home or sort your own accomodation.

DPs mum invited me, DP and my DS down for Christmas and I declined. I personally wouldnt feel comfortable in someone else's house and DS would be disregulated also. My mum didn't care and is looking forward to seeing us for a couple of hours on Christmas morning instead.

Original poster
Cravey · 07/08/2025 14:47

pushthebuttonnn · 07/08/2025 14:40

I don't think it's fair that you host each year. Could you let them know that this year you want to do your own thing? (Even if it's a lie, not like they can just pop in) Also the son may not even be with the gf by then. It's still a good while off! Everyone is jumping the gun.

Honestly we love it. Everyone helps and chips in, also no way would I let other people down simply because my sister in law is a cf. She says she’s not coming and I’ve made it very clear, she says she’s not so no matter what she will not be here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cravey · 07/08/2025 14:45

What a result. Sister in law is staying home this year. I’ve put idiot husband straight and told him she says she’s not coming, so no matter what, she is not coming. I’ve spoken to the nephew who also told me his mum is batshit, he had already told her he would be spending it with the new girl if they are still together. I’m totally convinced that’s pushed his mum over her very thin ledge and that’s where the request came from. So not only is she a cheeky cow, she’s also trying to force her son’s hand. One less for dinner this year. My own sister will be thrilled, she can’t stand sil 😅

OP posts:
HeyThereDelila · 07/08/2025 14:41

YANBU. Too many people; she’s not his wife, he’s not the stepdad and you haven’t met her.

No you won’t be paying for their AirBnB. Maybe this is the year to change things a bit.

pushthebuttonnn · 07/08/2025 14:40

I don't think it's fair that you host each year. Could you let them know that this year you want to do your own thing? (Even if it's a lie, not like they can just pop in) Also the son may not even be with the gf by then. It's still a good while off! Everyone is jumping the gun.

Murdoch1949 · 07/08/2025 14:29

It never ceased to amaze me how bloody cheeky & entitled family, friends or neighbours can be. They ask (demand) ridiculous things, like you being asked to pay towards an Airbnb. What a flipping nerve. No-one 'normal' would ever think that is an acceptable request. They were pushing it at expecting you to host new gf let alone her 3 kids. The accepted Christmas for her would be with her parents, not her new boyfriend's aunt & uncle. You obviously host a great Christmas, well done you!

AutumnLover1989 · 07/08/2025 14:28

Also should add when you've hosted for a long time,people will make assumptions and keep pushing the boundaries. Stop it now.

PullTheBricksDown · 07/08/2025 14:24

Oh that's cheeky. Plus so many variables with 3 kids. Won't their dad and his side of their family want to see them? Where do they normally live that an Air B n B would be required? Time the sister does hosting for her lot.

mbosnz · 07/08/2025 14:18

You're not unreasonable, and SIL is an out of touch entitled batshit.

Make sure DH knows just how unquiet life can get if he doesn't have your six on this one.

BernardButlersBra · 07/08/2025 14:12

Aaah cheeky fucker Christmas has started super early this year! Pay for their Airbnb? Tell you who the guest list consists of 🤣🤣🤣? Are they telling you the menu, pairing wine and serving times as well?! Big NO to all of this

Lotsofsnacks · 07/08/2025 14:02

Cravey · 07/08/2025 13:27

Every year we host Christmas. We live quite far from everyone so it’s a stay for almost everyone, all fine, we have the room. This year a nephew has a new girlfriend, very new, however he seems to think the open invite will include her, I’ve not met her yet and so said to dh ( it’s his sisters son ) that I won’t be asking her to stay as like I said we don’t know her. Dh has passed this onto his sister who is now wanting us all to meet up. Fair enough we will see them all at a family wedding and can meet the girl then. However this morning his sister proceeded to tell me oh yes she lovely and her children are so lovely too. I’m like wtf, 3 kids that she seems to think will simply slot in over Xmas and be no trouble. I’ve made it very clear there’s no room for an extra 3. She’s just texted dh asking if we will put towards an Airbnb for them. I’ve told him absolutely not, this is not our responsibility and nephew is 27 with a bloody job. Sister in law is now having a strop and bleating to all about how she can’t come without her son. I’ve said fine don’t come, dh ( idiot ) is now feeling guilty. Please tell me I’m not wrong on this one.

Is SIL joking?? You contribute to their Airbnb,why???!! Taking the piss asking you to host 4 more people anyway. Why can’t she host them at hers if so bothered.

Hercisback1 · 07/08/2025 13:50

27yos with 3 kids, I thought you were going to say teens!

Original poster
Cravey · 07/08/2025 13:50

Elizabeth1000 · 07/08/2025 13:34

Time to stop hosting Christmas. If you have the money and space to host all these cheeky fuckers, cancel the lot and get yourself off to Canada or Australia.

I have no issue with it, it’s good fun and only a few days. Everyone chips in with cash and everyone has a job so to speak. We go away at new year and after doing this for 10 plus years it’s a doddle. I cannot believe that she really thought we would help with an air bnb, I’ve just told dh they can stay where they like, I’m not cooking bloody dinner for them.

OP posts:
Zov · 07/08/2025 13:49

Send her a message:

"Hahaha! 😂 That's soooo funny! Yeah I'm gonna have all these extra people I don't even know LOLOLOLOL!!! Dream on sisterrrrr! Not a chance. Smile Jog on. Host them at yours."

YEP as has been said, stop doing the hosting. You're being used/made a mug of.

Original poster
Cravey · 07/08/2025 13:47

Don’t worry I’ve made it very clear to my idiot husband that no we are not paying. I have no issue with hosting, everyone has to contribute and also everyone gets tasks to do. It’s the addition of the kids that really tipped it. There is 3 children already and as lovely as they are I’m very glad when they go off to bed in the garden room with mum and dad 😅. He’s on the phone to his sister as we speak and I’m just waiting for her to cry ( that’s her go to if things don’t go her way ) I’ve just made it very clear to him that she can cry all bloody day it’s not happening. I honestly think he just wants a quiet life, but I’m not backing down.

OP posts:
AutumnLover1989 · 07/08/2025 13:47

Elizabeth1000 · 07/08/2025 13:34

Time to stop hosting Christmas. If you have the money and space to host all these cheeky fuckers, cancel the lot and get yourself off to Canada or Australia.

Agree with this. Put a stop to it now or you're going to be hosting Christmas for the next 20 years. Everyone is taking the P. Time to step back. Book a Christmas holiday?