To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

It's a cafe, a public place, not your workplace. You had no right to ask her to turn her phone down because it's distacting you from working. Use an office or your home. YABU.

It's a cafe, a public place, not your workplace. You had no right to ask her to turn her phone down because it's distacting you from working. Use an office or your home. YABU.

Another thoughtless entitled twat, they are everywhere in this country now, especially on public transport. It is so much effort for the limited intelligence of some people to be thoughtful and considerate, and to realise that public shared space is not an extension of their home.

The way to deal with this is always simply to match it. Turn your TikTok videos on at the same volume. I find people who claim they’d not be bothered, amazingly are. Most people stop.

Of course the most effective way to deal with such people would be to take their phone and stamp on it which really should be legal however in the absence of that option….

Why can't the other person?

Maybe people sitting with their laptops for hours on end is equally rude. I'd have a maximum time rule. But you are right about the old lady.

Maybe people sitting with their laptops for hours on end is equally rude. I'd have a maximum time rule. But you are right about the old lady.

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

I agree, mention this to the staff.
It doesn't matter how young or old the person is, it's incredibly rude and entitled to be playing videos or music in public without ear phones.

I’m with you OP.
Mentioning her age IS relevant - in this age group we were all generally brought up to be quiet and respectful of people and surroundings, almost verging on “seen but not heard”. So it is unusual to encounter someone in that age group being excessively noisy to the detriment of others.

(I’ve had success myself copying someone else's approach - an experienced London bus driver who I overheard saying “Hello (not excuse me), can you/you need to reduce the volume as it’s impacting other people”.
(asking for the volume to be “reduced” had the effect of it being switched off).

Hopefully OP, the lady might post on Gransnet asking for advice - and she will be told! 😊

Where did the OP object to people speaking?
Sometimes mumsnet is a parallel universe!

Maybe have a word with the staff? It’s incredibly anti-social, and I’d imagine you aren’t the only person who is pissed off by it!

Yes. She has a point. People speak in cafes. If you don’t like it sit elsewhere or go to a different cafe. If you need quiet for your work, go to a library!

Yes. She has a point. People speak in cafes. If you don’t like it sit elsewhere or go to a different cafe. If you need quiet for your work, go to a library!

Yes. She has a point. People speak in cafes. If you don’t like it sit elsewhere or go to a different cafe. If you need quiet for your work, go to a library!

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?