To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

YANBU.
Some months ago DH and I treated ourselves to lunch out in a small, local Italian. There was a couple, mid 50-ish, so similar age to us, both scrolling through very loud, disjointed, random music clips/videos etc. as they ate.

It was massively irritating and antisocial imo.

Also, wtf is wrong with some people that they can't put their phone down for 30 minutes to enjoy lunch ?

Let me get this straight. You treat a coffee shop like your own personal remote working space which you feel is fine for you to do as long as you buy breakfast there, you expect other customers to keep quiet and do as you say and not to play videos on their phones without headphones …… but YOU can’t believe the level of entitlement? 😂

But if you're struggling to work there, it's not a well-suited environment, is it? I work from home too and I'm extremely noise sensitive so I wouldn't dream of working in a public space. I'd be sitting giving everyone evils 😁
As annoying as people can be playing things on their phone loudly, I think you were in the wrong more than she was. Its not an office, but you were trying to use it as such. You seemed to handle it politely enough but I can see why they were miffed.
You could consider noise cancelling headphones if you want to continue working there though. I find them very effective.

I have two teenagers so I am very familiar with the sound... it's all noise, easiest thing is just to put on some noise cancelling headphone then were are no distractions.

I think you're both being unreasonable, the lady for having her phone on too loud but also you, because a cafe is a social space not a workplace even if they allow you to work in it as you're a good regular customer, it's still a public social space. If it's upsetting your work environment you can either ask the staff to step in , wear noise cancelling headphones yourself or work somewhere else.

She is really annoying clearly but she nor the staff won't change anything. You have two options as this isn't going to change and they are either find another coffee shop or you wear headphones just while she is in there. Shouldn't have to but not really much choice.

Hmm I feel mixed on this. If you were there just having a coffee, would you have complained? Or is it only because you are working? I think it's unreasonably for you to to ask for them to be quieter so that you can work/concentrate as lots a cafe not a workspace. If it was bad enough that you would have complained regardless then that's ok I think.

Where the OP chooses to work is another issue as the device noise would have been equally irritating were she working or relaxing. She didn’t say she doesn’t like noise (I’m sure she expects noise). She said she objects to device noise. Device noise is tinny, intrusive and hard for the brain to filter out. It was shocking of this other woman to think it was ok to subject everyone in the cafe to her device noise.

If you hadn't said you were working, I think you would have more support on this thread.
I am totally with you but I would have spoken to staff first and asked if they had a policy on loud phone noise.
It's surprising how many people (on this thread) can't tell the difference between cafe chat and a phone, maybe those people use their phone in public without headphones or maybe they can just filter out all noise.

A pub I go to ask people to step outside if they are using their phone, they don't mind at all if people chat and laugh among themselves.

It’s a bit like performance parenting (or any other thing that brings attention). I don’t believe the majority of these people are so obtuse to other people’s annoyance/irritation.

Am I reading a different thread to everyone else ?

Yes. in real life no one likes listening to other people's phones blaring out music or videos etc.

How often do you venture out into the real world?

YANBU, I'd speak to the staff about it, if they know it's bothering other customers they're more likely to ask her to stop. It sounds like she'll be difficult about it regardless of who's asking. I think it's entitled behaviour to play music/watch videos in a public space.

I own a shop and every week I have to ask the same person to turn his music off when he comes to the counter, as the tinny sound bothers my hearing and I expect annoys some other customers as well. He has music blaring out of his headphones and every other word is him asking us to repeat something as he can't hear us for his loud music. Drives me bonkers and half the time I end up getting tinnitus later on in the evening.

It's actually harmful to wear noise cancelling equipment all the time as it can make the user more sensitive to noise, increases feelings of isolation and detachment and can even exacerbate dementia. It's healthy to be exposed to reasonable background sounds, but harsh sounds or irritating music increase stress hormones.

People who play TikTok etc. with no earbuds or headphones need taking round the back of the sheds and tipping into a refuse bin. Only the dimmest people think it's okay to inflict their music or videos on others in this crowded island.

There are two things I'd think about doing, given you can't speak to the staff.

First, I'd maybe write an online review praising the coffee and friendliness of staff, but noting that staff don't stop people listening to loud Tik Toks without head phones, which means it's not a suitable place for working, or quiet conversations. That might prompt the owner/manager to ask the staff to intervene, if they think it's impacting takings. (Also, with questions like that, I bet the staff would love them to go elsewhere).

Other thing, which I think other people have already suggested, would be to fight fire with fire, and enlist a thick skinned friend to sit near their usual seats and play reels even louder than they do!

You are definitely NBU though, and as an older person, I hate it when people claim you're only picking on them because of their age.

I’m in 2 minds about it. Whilst it is a bit antisocial to have TikTok noise blaring, a cafe isn’t a quiet area at all. People chatting, kids making a bit of noise etc. I’m not sure why you think the cafe should be your quiet workspace. Yes you buy enough food/drink to have reasonable use of the table, but you can’t command what is going on at other tables.

Am I reading a different thread to everyone else ?

I think you were really cheeky approaching this woman in a cafe and asking her to put headphones on - It’s a cafe not your personal office space! if you don’t like the noise then the onus is on you to find somewhere else to work.

On The other end of the spectrum we went for a lovely meal recently and a 6 year old boy was at the end of a family table just scrolling through what my daughter called “Italian brain rot” about AI characters called ballerina cappuccina and Tsum Tsum Sahur!

I wanted to rip my ears off by the end. The whole family were on devices while eating so having a word wouldn’t have helped!

OP, don't waste your time trying to justify yourself to people who think this behaviour is in any way acceptable. It isn't.

I understood the age reference in the context of the husband's response.

I wonder what this pair would do if someone sat next to them doing the same thing? Recommend speaking to the manager. It's really basic common courtesy.

She wasn’t objecting to the noise level. Normal hubbub is fine. She was objecting to device noise which is tinny and hard for the brain to filter out.

YANBU, it’s so rude and totally different to people talking and interacting with each other in a social setting. No one should be playing stuff loudly on their phone in cafes, trains, anywhere where other people have to listen to it. Human to human interaction is one thing, human to screen and including everyone else in it unwillingly is another entirely. Good for you having the balls to say something.

Oh Jeez. Lay off.
OP has clarified why she raised the woman's age - because her husband appeared to.

OP, I'm with you. I detest people who inflict their noise on others - people who leave the pub shouting their heads off and shrieking, or rev their motorbikes on residential streets just for the LOLs, or play TikToks on the train. It's bloody rude and inconsiderate.

If I walked into a cafe for a drink and a chat with a mate, with zero intention of working, and someone was playing TikTok at full volume, I'd probably walk out and go somewhere else.

That is really fucking annoying. Too many people are doing this these days - on trains, buses, in cafes, walking down the street, on top of a fucking mountain (actual example from a couple of months ago).

On the other hand, a cafe is not a workspace.