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Original poster

To ask older lady to wear headphones in cafe

393 replies

Bearlionfalcon · 07/08/2025 10:06

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

OP posts:
pinkstripeycat · 07/08/2025 11:33

Maybe put a review on the cafe website and then you haven’t made a complaint directly to the staff. That way the whole world can see and the staff possibly wouldn’t want advertised that their cafe isn’t a relaxing place to work or have a coffee and a chat 😊

PersephoneSeethes · 07/08/2025 11:33

CompleteLackOfDisrespect · 07/08/2025 11:30

Oh you sweet summer child. You haven't been in a public library for a very long time have you?

Show quote history

Yes, I go quite regularly. It great and full of people doing exactly the same thing as me, working and studying.

pontipinemum · 07/08/2025 11:32

That would really annoy me. Chatter, even loud chatter is fine - which you have already said. But Tik Tok or reels are so annoying. I hate it.

I did once go up to a group of teenage boys on the bus who were flicking back and forth through really bad (to me) dance music. Anything where they 'hold the track' actually makes me feel sick.

And I don't think giving an over view of what the people what anything 'ist' it is setting a scene.

PersephoneSeethes · 07/08/2025 11:32

Tauranga · 07/08/2025 10:54

This!!
What has her wealth got to do with it, ( which you have no idea about, btw)
Also you then inferred her husband was a racist ( where do you originally come from?)

Also, I severely doubt you would approach a massive bloke.

I agree what she is doing is annoying but you are in a cafe, not a library.

Show quote history

Thank you. The OP comes across as entitled and intolerant.

Regularly going to work in a cafe with a laptop is very annoying for cafes and restaurants. People think that a Bircher muesli and a coffee will make up for the loss of earnings from the two covers that a person and their laptop take for hours on end. it doesn’t.

Go to the library.

CompleteLackOfDisrespect · 07/08/2025 11:30

PersephoneSeethes · 07/08/2025 11:26

Go to the public library if you don’t want people talking loudly.

Oh you sweet summer child. You haven't been in a public library for a very long time have you?

pikkumyy77 · 07/08/2025 11:29

Im 64 and would never do that. Plus I grew up with technology and am quite comfortable with it. They had invented the headphone, ffs, rather early on.

whitewineandsun · 07/08/2025 11:26

worrisomeasset · 07/08/2025 10:09

Have a word with the staff. If they do nothing about it, find another cafe.

This. They should be putting a stop to it.

PersephoneSeethes · 07/08/2025 11:26

Go to the public library if you don’t want people talking loudly.

Tabitha005 · 07/08/2025 11:25

Going on the logic of those saying anyone who DOESN'T want to hear noise from other peoples' phones means they see themselves as 'more important' than anyone else, surely also means someone who DOES want to listen to their phone in public without headphones deems themselves more important than anyone else in exactly the same way?

It's one thing to show someone a quick clip on your phone with the sound up, but sitting there constantly scrolling, or listening to music without headphones is just fucking obnoxious and utterly selfish. If it was a radio being played instead of a phone by someone just sitting in a cafe, would that be OK too? What about a small portable TV?

LarkspurLane · 07/08/2025 11:25

AuntyDepressant · 07/08/2025 11:15

Let me get this straight. You treat a coffee shop like your own personal remote working space which you feel is fine for you to do as long as you buy breakfast there, you expect other customers to keep quiet and do as you say and not to play videos on their phones without headphones …… but YOU can’t believe the level of entitlement? 😂

You are just lucky that you are not bothered by loud phone noise. Lots of people are, whether they are working or not.

KimberleyClark · 07/08/2025 11:24

I know I suggested OP use headphones earlier but do also agree that this woman is being very inconsiderate. However if staff won’t speak to her and OP wants to continue working in this cafe, headphones may be the only solution.

Vaxtable · 07/08/2025 11:23

I would have responded to him along the lines of it’s them being rude

if she then carried on I would then have said how sad you don’t even want to talk to your husband when out and about.

KidsDoBetter · 07/08/2025 11:23

Mulledjuice · 07/08/2025 11:23

Were YOU wearing headphones, OP?

If she isn't listening to audio on a device - why should she be???

CatsMagic · 07/08/2025 11:23

waitingforpost · 07/08/2025 11:05

Am I reading a different thread to everyone else ?

Yes. in real life no one likes listening to other people's phones blaring out music or videos etc.

How often do you venture out into the real world?

All hail the mighty Edgelord who has come to bestow us with her witty comments !

HarpieDuJour · 07/08/2025 11:23

Neverplayleapfrogwithmrpipes · 07/08/2025 10:58

My mum does this on Facebook shorts while we are watching TV it drives me nuts

My husband does this constantly. Unfortunately, I set Facebook up for him, so it's really my own fault, but that was before the relentless annoying videos! Every time I turn my back, he is watching bloody videos on his phone. It's becoming a real problem because I have to pick up all the extra work that he is now not doing. (He is in his 70s, so retired, but we also have a farm and 4 children).

I am usually very patient and got used to lots of background noise while wfh with very young children. But there is something about the jangly, fatuous nonsense in these videos (often computer-generated voices reading stupid stories aloud) that makes me feel a bit... stabby.

MyDeftDuck · 07/08/2025 11:23

BIWI · 07/08/2025 10:08

Maybe have a word with the staff? It’s incredibly anti-social, and I’d imagine you aren’t the only person who is pissed off by it!

This
FWIW it would annoy me too…..if I’ve got something I want to watch I wait until I’m at home.

Mulledjuice · 07/08/2025 11:23

Were YOU wearing headphones, OP?

Zebedee999 · 07/08/2025 11:21

Bearlionfalcon · 07/08/2025 10:06

There is a cafe where I defo sometimes to work quietly on my laptop. It’s really well priced and friendly staff. I always buy either breakfast or lunch plus a few coffees and there is no issue over laptop use as there’s tons of space and many others do it. I always have sound turned off and never make calls.
There is a woman, I would say she is young 70s, who comes in nearly every day with her husband. She sits on her phone and flicks through Tik Tok videos with the sound on. It’s so incredibly annoying and distracting and I find it so inconsiderate.
The first couple of times I said nothing but yesterday I went over and said ‘I’m sorry, do you have any headphones you could use?’
She looked at me in horror and said ‘I never use headphones. I saw you looking over at me. I will put my phone away when I’m ready to.’ She then carried on.
I was so shocked, I said ‘but what would happen if everyone in the cafe played music out loud on their phone…’
She interrupted me and snapped ‘I’m not playing music,’ (Technically true, she was watching Tik Tok videos which are so much more annoying). Then she said: ‘Other people talk very loudly.’
Her tone was so loud and confrontational I sort of gave up and said ‘well, I was just letting you know that it was bothering me’ and went back to my table.
Her husband then said incredibly loudly ‘How rude. When we come to this cafe all the time. I bet she wouldn’t talk to someone else about that but she’s come up and spoken to you’ - basically implying I’ve picked on her because she is an older woman, as opposed to some intimidating bloke or young person. Which is not true!
She carried on exactly as before, making loads of noise with her phone. I honestly couldn’t believe the level of entitlement.
For context these were not a frail elderly couple but an obviously wealthy middle class couple. It’s a mixed are where there are houses which cost millions and also council flats etc.
WIBU to speak to her?

You are acting very considerately; the older lady is totally inconsiderate.

Consideration for others is a rare value nowadays (30% of voters here sadly do not care aboutg others peace and quiet)

SheridansPortSalut · 07/08/2025 11:20

Her age is irrelavent. It's a growing problem. I'm really struggling with this kind of nuisance noise on public transport. This behaviour is so rarely challenged that, when you do challenge it, people act like you're the problem. I think that we all need to start calling it out all the time. If people are asked 10 times a day to use headphones or turn the volume off, maybe then they will realise how many people they are disturbing.

Maddy70 · 07/08/2025 11:19

I would speak to the staff. It's very rude and intrusive

TigerRag · 07/08/2025 11:19

CatsMagic · 07/08/2025 11:02

Am I reading a different thread to everyone else ?

I think you were really cheeky approaching this woman in a cafe and asking her to put headphones on - It’s a cafe not your personal office space! if you don’t like the noise then the onus is on you to find somewhere else to work.

It's also not the woman's personal space to make as much noise as she wants

BreatheAndFocus · 07/08/2025 11:19

YANBU. Some people have zero consideration for others. I understand she might not want to be using headphones, but in that case she shouldn’t be watching loud videos on her phone. I went to a cafe this week. A friend was showing me holiday photos on her phone, scrolling through quickly as she had lots. One of them was a short video and as soon as she realised it was a video of her children with sound (laughing and calling out in a pool), she looked mortified, paused it and mumbled a general sorry to the people around us. Surely that’s how most normal people would behave?

Choose a time when these people aren’t there and make a comment to the staff. I doubt they’re as friendly with this couple as the couple seem to think! It doesn’t have to be personal. They could put a polite sign on the wall/door/menu to ask people not to play music, etc, on their phones. I’d also add taking Zoom or Teams calls, as I once had a lovely brunch ruined by a woman sitting at her laptop in a cafe bellowing to her colleagues on Zoom/Teams. I thought at first maybe she’d had to answer an urgent call, and was hoping she’d wind it up quickly, but no, she sat there repeatedly calling colleagues. From what she said (and I could hear every word, including names), she was in the social or care sector, so it was wholly inappropriate professionally, as well as annoying.

KidsDoBetter · 07/08/2025 11:18

smallglassbottle · 07/08/2025 11:03

It's actually harmful to wear noise cancelling equipment all the time as it can make the user more sensitive to noise, increases feelings of isolation and detachment and can even exacerbate dementia. It's healthy to be exposed to reasonable background sounds, but harsh sounds or irritating music increase stress hormones.

People who play TikTok etc. with no earbuds or headphones need taking round the back of the sheds and tipping into a refuse bin. Only the dimmest people think it's okay to inflict their music or videos on others in this crowded island.

But so so many people do.

I've seen people of all ages watching tv shows, tik toks, instagram all with audio blaring and in public spaces. It's insane and when I rule the world will be punishable by death (after one warning - I'm fair) ...

I've approached people to ask them not to with varying degrees of success / hostility in reply. Public transport, cafes, restaurants, hotels need to operate a no phone / tablet audio policy. People who can't tell the different between this and normal conversation and public space noise are selfish brainless idiots. Any kind of looped audio is the worst, but basically any sound coming out of someone's phone - be it their mate on speaker facetime, Netflix or music is the height of rudeness IMO.

TheMoth · 07/08/2025 11:17

I teach teenagers. I'm well used to noise. But I would support a law to ban music from mobile phones without headphones. Great, you're enjoying scrolling through a million shite reels. But so is that person... and that person and now there's a whole load of competing sounds clashing, before being abruptly switched.

I wonder what would happen if I decided to sing loudly, whilst scrolling through my phone.

chattychatchatty · 07/08/2025 11:17

I’m amazed at the number of people who are OK with this; conversation is one thing, watching TikTok’s (mostly designed to be attention grabbing so hard to ignore) is something else entirely. Sounds like they are both utterly inconsiderate and rude. I’d be looking for another cafe to be honest; and I might let the staff know the reason before you go.